I absolutely agree, chronically late people are so frustrating to deal with sometimes. That said, it’s better to plan for their being late. With the chronically late people in my life, I just tell them what I’m doing and leave the rest on them. In this case, “The concert starts at 8, I’ll see you there!” Don’t make yourself dependent on someone you can’t count on.

I don't bother at all with chronically late people. How can they still be at home when they should be there by say 7. Most of the time not even a text or anything. Dropped a few friends for this as it is a dealbreaker for me. It is rude and disrespectful to not even try to be on time.

Same. I’m sure there are all kinds of kind or charitable explanations for chronic lateness, but to me it screams “my time is more important than your time”.

In OPs situation, it certainly seemed that the people involved were pretty inconsiderate. If they were so late they could have just said for OP to go ahead without them and they'd meet OP at the concert. Even though it would be an unexpected change of plans, OP might have still been able to catch the whole concert (perhaps in future OP could consider taking the initiative and suggest that they just meet at the venue?). I suspect there are many situations with various combinations of circumstance and lack of consideration, but I also understand that it's not always the case of self-prioritising. For myself, I have ADHD and don't have a car, which means sometimes my choices are to plan to arrive an hour and a half early or plan to arrive 15-30 minutes before, with the risk that I might be late because of traffic or make sure I have the time and money to get an Uber. I do tend to warn people ahead of time though, and make sure that I'm not going to be holding anyone up if I can help it for that exact reason. I don't want to make people feel like I think my time is more valuable, because it's definitely not how I feel about it. So, perhaps it's a case-by-case type thing? Or depends on what you're personally prepared to accept. Who knows? 🤷🏾‍♀️

Exactly this. It makes the event seem like an inconvenience to them. If it is something you are looking forward to you would plan around it not through it.

[удалено]

I don’t. My dad used to be so late we put up a whiteboard to bet on when he was actually going to show up. The look on his face when he figured out what it was for was priceless! I just limit my exposure and vulnerability to chronically late people. In some cases this may be by sticking to arrangements where their lateness doesn’t really affect me, to (in a few extreme cases) simply having nothing further to do with them.

I agree, gotta start doing this.

Good luck love, setting boundaries can be tough sometimes. But you deserve to live your life without being held back by people you can’t count on!

It's what keeps me sane. if they're late, THEY'RE late. Not me. I will never rely on another person unless I have to, and I'll make sure I only have to in cases where I don't care that much, like when it's more a them thing.

It's kinda crazy how people can always be chronically late... Like if you take over 1 hour to get ready, then why would you start doing that around the time youre supposed to leave? It's be there at 7pm, not start getting ready at 7pm. I have a friend who's always late like that and I always just tell her the time 1 hour earlier, so that she'll actually arrive on time lol

My girl says it only takes her 40 minutes to get ready for work or go somewhere (shower, hair, makeup). And it does. So 40 minutes before we HAVE to leave at the latest, she starts her routine. BUT, where are my shoes? Have to throw this shirt in the dryer, its wrinkled. I can't go out this hungry, going to grab a piece of toast real quick. Cats need food and water before we leave. Where's my phone, I just had it? I need my pink jacket, not the grey, black, blue, white, purple ones hanging here. Almost ready to go, just need to get the dogs into their kennel. Let's take my car. -Finally on the road after 40 minutes plus the 20 minutes of unpreparedness and diversion.- Oh, my car is low on gas, going to have to stop or we won't make it. Yep, just another day. Have tried to get her to start early so we can have a little time to relax before we leave, nope, can't start to get ready until it's time to start to get ready, but by then it's too late.

Oh wow I always get my clothes ready the night or at least hours before. And I don't start getting read until everything else is done! 😭

It feels so rude… like my time is less valuable than theirs or something. I had a friend be 45 mins late once because they wanted to finish a tv show. I’d been waiting at the meet-up spot in the cold that whole time. Being late just bc ur lazy AND not even giving a heads up about it is so rude.

Exactly. I had a friend who was like this. One time we were going hiking and meeting another group at the trailhead. At the 20 minute mark past the agreed upon time I told him I was going to a nearby bagel shop and he should grab me there. At 45 minutes he showed up and asked me then if he had time to run in and get something. I have never been so happy to see someone struggle on the trail before.

I relate to this so much. I saw a guy casually for a few months but ultimately told him to not bother coming over anymore because he was, without fail, over an hour late to my place every single time. Didn’t matter what time, day or even if he chose the time himself. Best part? He was my literal next door neighbor and lived 10 feet from my front door. Time is literally the one thing none of us can get back. OP, set boundaries.

Oof madone! Dating a neighbor can be a risky endeavor indeed.

Yeah, tbf I asked Reddit if it was a good idea and most said no lol. I figured if I’m mature and direct about the situation, I could handle it. What I did not add to my calculations was the fact that he, a 28 y/o man, would be the childish one. One of the first things he told to me about himself was that his biggest inspiration is Jordan Peterson and that, and I quote, “Marriages should be harder to get out of”. Yeah… Talk about a learning experience

PREACH. This is actually a struggle I have with my partner. My partner and I are very much in love, no rift or anything, been together for years with kids. But every couple has something, and mine is her being late. I had a father who taught me that telling someone you will be there are 6PM and then not being there at 6PM means you are a liar. It is a straight up lie. Many people don't see it that way but how can it be anything other than a lie?

THIS! I was taught the same.

I agree! 100% it's rude and inconsiderate to be constantly late. However... I learned a little trick to get people motivated to be on time "by accident." The trick is, if they're consistently late by a certain amount of time, say ~30 minutes, tell them you're meeting at a time 1/2 hour earlier than you actually plan to. That way, you're tricking them into being on time by planning for their lateness. Keep it up for a while and they might catch on, which is even better because they realize you had to resort to trickery to get them to respect your time and plans. They may get pissy about it, but just point out that if they weren't late so much it wouldn't be a problem. They'll either agree and just let you continue, or they'll get it together and manage their time better. Works great when picking people up too. In high school I was one of the few people who had a car in 9th grade so I was the group chauffeur. Consistently I'd show up at their house and the prearranged time and it'd always take ~15 minutes for them to finally be ready to go. I'd just start telling them I'd arrived 15 minutes before I actually get there. After that they were ready to go exactly when I got there.

Tbh I’m chronically late, I always have been, Im late to everything including work. I have adhd and have a terrible sense of time. It’s really embarrassing. I try but I’m always inevitably late at some point. It’s stressful. I tell my friends to lie and say stuff starts earlier. It works for me. Then if I’m on time I get to be early :)

Same. Its why I say I’m going to be late to my own funeral. Its not because I don’t care or don’t try. I try HARD to combat time blindness. I set a gazillion alarms giving me 1hr, 30min, 15, 20, 10, 5 min till I HAVE TO LEAVE countdown reminders to keep me on track of time and still without fail, I’m always running behind.

A few months ago, there's a national achievement test at my school. There's a mock test day a few days before the test. Initially, it starts at 7:30am and students must be there before 7am, but upon implementing this, there were a couple of students that were late. They all went to the discipline's office ofc telling them that you shouldn't be late for something important. On the actual day, the call time was changed from 7am to 6:15, but the actual test's time wasn't changed. There were significantly less students who were late at that time. It was quite annoying because I need to wake up at 4:30 am, but it worked.

You should go alone to concerts. It's amazing how much more you enjoy the music and the experience.

I do occasionally, i know it’s liberating. But going with friends is also fun.

What concert OP? May I ask? Big venue, small venue? All this comes to play in this rant. Not enough info to make decision on whether this was ACTUALLY a problem.. If it was truly a small artist you knew only played an hour and 20 minutes you should have got the F on your way when you first heard they (the friends you know are always late) eating dinner. You know them, since it seems like a consistent happening. Talk to them. You already know the drill. They probably do t mean anything against you. Dropping a friend for being themselves is um, okay. I guess. I never drive OR get driven by friends to events. Way SAFER, and I do what want. Count on no one, disappoint no one. That’s me. What artist?

I disagree, having done it several ways, I enjoy a 2 person experience. More is too many, single eliminates conversation & sharing. But that's just my taste. Gotta experience it each way to find your preference.

My ex was like this. And it was fucking embarrassing when we'd get rides.

Yeah I hate those friends and unfortunately I have one of my own, you have to basically tell them to only call you when they're actually ready to leave the house because you would have to wait in the car whereas they could just wait at the comfort of their homes.

Dealbreaker for me. If you can't be bothered to even try don't expect me to bother at all.

Yep, complete agreement. This is basic time management and for many people like my self, a source of extreme anxiety, you are either on time or early. Trains, planes, and cruise ships are intolerant to tardiness, why should your friends and family be tolerant to it? When someone says meet at 6:45 pm, that means you are there at 6:45 pm, not saying you're still eating dinner, not saying you're stepping out the door. If you have difficulty being on time, plan your shit backwards, its how airline companies establish sequence of events.

A lot of times people like this don't understand the need to sacrifice things in their prep to get there on time. Your very important hair and skin routine that absolutely needs to be done 100% can get done if you budget time correctly, but if life has happened to you and lessened your time then hey, sorry, maybe shorten it up to make up for lost time. "I wanted to curl my hair for this event!" Great, but your time management sucks so let's skip it. It's not mission critical. These people often don't understand the concept of that.

This. I would rather skip my makeup entirely than keep a friend waiting. The people in the comments saying “I’m that friend, I promise I want to be on time but I just can’t” completely miss the point. People that are on time aren’t like, magical time-keeping creatures. We don’t plan everything perfectly, and sometimes we run behind as well. The difference between timely people and untimely people is the choice to be on time. It’s really that simple. If you wanted to be on time badly enough, you would skip dinner and grab something at the venu or grab a protein bar on the way out. If you really wanted to be on time you would have been.

It really isn't "that simple" for people with time blindness though. Time blind people don't choose to be time blind any more than they choose to breathe. They don't choose to be impeded by it for funsies, and I can guarantee you that the few moments irritation you feel at being mildly inconvenienced is nothing to the turmoil having no control over your perception of time is in your friend's every day life. It is literally like telling a visibly blind person that it's inconvinient to you that they're blind.

I'm learning to set boundaries instead of expectations. Instead of saying "I expect you to be here by 7:00", say "I am leaving at 7:10 to make it to the concert on time. If you aren't here by then, I am still leaving and will meet you there." Then leave when they don't show up. And don't apologize. If they complain, say "I told you my plans."

The solution is to leave without her. She's constantly late with no consequences, so why would she stop? She clearly is selfish with no respect for others' time. It will never change unless she starts actually missing out on things

Bingo. I’ve stopped being showing consideration to chronically late people who have no such consideration for me. If I pull up to pick you up, you have 5 minutes to be ready before I’m leaving you where you’re at. 10 minutes if I’m feeling nice that day.

I had this issue with a friend of mine when I was younger. She would always be like 30 minutes late - to everything. So I just started telling her that everything started 30 minutes earlier than it actually did so that she'd be on time. Another (later in life) friend was similar, so I'd handle it the same way. She figured it out at some point and was super offended that I'd insinuate she was often late for stuff. Whatever. If I have to tell a grown ass person to show up early for shit because they don't care about being on time, then I don't care if they get mad.

I’d find new friends, some of us like to be on time to have fun ✨

I always arrive early (roughly 10mins early) I enjoy knowing that I have arrived on time. Less stress involved.

This is why you don't carpool. Your whole plan depends on someone else.

It works, if you have reliable people to share. These people spoken about are predictably unreliable. Experience the situations & act accordingly. Someone always late = meet you there (if at all).

I’m so sick of having to compensate for the people in my life who are always late. I shouldn’t have to stagger the time for my father to pick me up on time

My entire family is like this but my brother is the worst. After he was once 4 hours late to go and see my sick Grandad, I've never really forgiven him. Now I lie and say whatever it is starts an hour or 2 earlier (depending on the event/thing)

Imagine working at a dangerous job where this is the norm.

Sometimes you just gotta say "if you're late, I will leave without you!" And follow through!

no you're not overreacting, for some reason it is a trend or it's "cute" and "quirky" when one is late. newsflash: it's not. i once had to wait for 2 hours for a friend for a simple meet up at a mall near where we lived. i can never understand how people are late (aside from reasons like traffic jams), just plan in advance and see how much time it gets you to do certain tasks. if you're indecisive about your outfits, plan them the night before. pack your stuff in the bag you're bringing the night before so you wouldn't miss out anything and would have more time for other tasks. jesus, it's not that hard to be on time.

Don't move to latinamerica then.

Years ago I made the mistake of carpooling to an Ozzy Osbourne concert made us miss the entire type o negative set and like half the Sepultura set That was like 30 years ago and I still have not forgotten that

Also at the user u/hottempsc, pretty childish to make such a vile comment and then block me so I can't answer it, grow up.

Their comment makes no sense. Like did you even read the post before commenting?!?!

I hate when people are late, they think their time is more precious than mine which is so unfair. Unfortunately I used to be chronically late and because I hated late people it would give me severe anxiety. If I was running late for something I'd just not show up at all instead of being embarrassed and looking selfish for showing up late. When I went to therapy to help with my anxiety my therapist told me that I was a perpetual optimist. I was late all the time not because I'm a selfish horrible person but because I thought I was capable of doing more things in a short period of time. I just stopped trying to do that one last thing before I left and eventually I sorted it out and I'm seldom late. I try to have more patience with people who are chronically late, instead of shaming them for being selfish I tell them hey you're just trying to do too much. Maybe have that conversation once or twice so they can be aware of their lateness. But if it is a constant and that doesn't work, yeah forget it.

Sorry I didn’t respond earlier, but I was stuck in traffic and couldn’t be assed getting out of bed earlier to beat the commute. It’s ok though, I’m here now, and I’m fucking awesome. I bet you’re thrilled I even made it!

I have a chronically late friend. We meet at the venue. Why stress about it?

A thousand times this. People can cite as many reasons for their chronic lateness as they want, people will stop making plans with you. Continuously being late for reasons that are 100% within your control just shows you have zero respect for peoples time. I also hate “Well just tell them a different time!!” No. I’m not tricking them into being considerate like they’re 6 years old. I’ll let them know what time an event is starting. If they aren’t there by that time then we will start without them.

I would talk to them before it boils over and come with receipts but don't share the receipts until they ask you to give examples.

One of my family members is also like that. If we are supposed to leave at 16:30 and we would tell him about this multiple times, reminding him that we need to be ready on time. He would decide that 16:50 is a good time to take a shower; finish the shower at 17:10; dress up super slowly because he doesn't care about time... then he would decide to make a sandwich so he could eat on the way; he would spend 5-10 minutes making a really nice sandwich, toasting it nicely; then realise that this crusty bread would make a mess in the car, so he pulls out a plate, puts some sauces or oil to dip the sandwich in, and eat it at the same rate he would eat a normal meal. Drives me nuts...

So am I the only one whose family always fibs about the meeting time? If we know one of the family members has a habit of being late, we just tell them the meeting time is 30 min-an hour earlier than it actually is. Solves a lot of issues and sufficiently embarrasses the person if they ever figure it out. When it comes to friends, lie about the time or stop inviting them out.

After I was late for something, my best friend once told me “you know, you’re horrible with managing your time. I’m sick of you being late for everything”. That was 20 years ago. I have been late for hardly anything else since. It was the best harsh truth I ever received.

Agreed. My dad always and sternly told me, "If you're on time, you're LATE. If you're early, you're ON TIME!" Facts.

this this this

Aw, man. I get it, but…. I definitely don’t want to show up 15 minutes to door at some venues. Dodgey ass neighborhoods. Sometimes later is better. The crowd is pumped, and peeps already be dancin.

OP, I get this rant totally and drives me nuts -especially in this sort of situation. So here's what you do -next time, don't go with them. Next time, make it abundantly clear that you DETEST paying good money for something that someone else made you late for, and you're not doing that ever again. So just put people on notice -especially the ones who haven't got a clue and can't get it together like the rest of the world AHEAD OF TIME.

So you’ve learned another life lesson: do not rely on others when they don’t serve your needs. If you want to be early, you decide how to get there. If you want to go with your friends, you deal with their needs and behavior as they apply. Honestly it’s just what some people do. Learning to deal with it, that’s adulthood.

We cured a nephew of chronic lateness at a family gathering by simply leaving without him. (We had all made specific plans that meant we all had to leave at a particular time in the late morning . We were all standing around ready to go, and he was in the shower. He was about 19-20 years old at the time. TTFN)

So is being on time.

As someone who's chronically early, I fully agree. that shit drives me nuts

I can never be on time for everything so I feel rightfully called out. I have to wake up 2 hours before breakfast if I even want to eat and be on time for work as well. I swear I must have some mental hinderance that prevents me from having any sense of time and terrible time management. I have alarms for everything I do so that I'm not super late for things (except sleep). I think you either need to ensure that your friends are prepared to leave an hour prior to leaving or just meet them at the place. For people who are chronically late, we start seeing being late as something that just happens rather than something to be anxious or apologetic about. Of course that's not a good thing but just explaining some possible reasoning for the lack of apology. If they're your true friend they should still be apologetic though. An event could be starting at 12pm and at 11am we would think "ah, it's only 11 I have a whole hour left." Then 15 minutes pass and then starts thinking "well it's just 11:15am, I still have time." Then 11:30am rolls around and think "well I have a few more minutes to chill. I'll start getting a few things together." Then it's 11:45am and it's "oh shoot! I need to get ready to go!". Then it's 11:55am and it's "okay im all ready to go...oh shoot wait the place is 20 minutes away... oh well I guess" Edit: I just remembered, some cultures are used to being late to places and expect for people to be late. Maybe see if the friend(s) are part of the culture that believes this.

I just think it’s inconsiderate to notice the time and not do anything about it. Sure you have an hour, but if you want to be on time it’s More realistic to think oh, I only have 30 minutes since it takes a while to drive there. You should be getting ready once there’s one hour left to where you’re going if it’s in town, and earlier if it’s out of town. I’m getting really riled up because this is one of the biggest pet peeves of mine. I understand it’s becoming normal routine, but that doesn’t make it any less rude and inconsiderate to other people. If anything it’s worse with people that know and don’t do anything to actively change it

> If anything it’s worse with people that know and don’t do anything to actively change it Seriously, this is what gets me the most!

I understand and I agree. I have become better when there's an hour left on the clock to be ready. That's why I used that example since that example used to be me daily. I have gotten better but I have unfortunately found that if I want to be on time anywhere, I need to be ready at least an hour and a half prior to the departure time. If I'm not, I'll never be on time because I start spiraling into how "oh, there's still plenty of time." Unfortunately I do completely miss the concept of how much time has passed. Just now before I checked the clock I thought it was still 3:28pm. I just checked and it's actually 4:30pm. I'm not having anything planned today other than to complete school work so I don't have any alarms set (minus one for dinner). Sometimes 30 minutes feels like 5. I genuinely think time is going by significantly slower than it really is. It feels like I constantly go through time machines lol. Side note: I wish it was a pet peeve of mine too. When my friends are late to things I just sorta shrug it off. As long as they're not over an hour late to things it doesn't bother me. Better late than never.

Yeah, I really like and appreciate you working harder to do better with the alarms. But some people do not even try to do that and that’s who I’m coming at

Gotcha gotcha, yeah it's miserable to just let time consume you and have it fly by constantly. I feel so unaccomplished and guilty when I don't stick to the schedule.

I believe it's called time blindness, it affects a lot of people.

I think part of the issue is that you think “I have unfortunately found that if I want to be on time anywhere, I need to be ready at least and hour and half prior to the departure time. If I’m not, I’ll never be on time” is some special time quirk for you? That’s just how time and getting ready works. If we’re both 30 minutes away, we probably need to be ready an hour or so before. That’s what EVERYONE who is on time is doing. Not something extra you have to do because you’re bad at time. People who are on time aren’t like, faster than you or something. They aren’t special people that fucked around and somehow it works out for them and not you. They planned to be ready that hour early because that’s how you get places on time when it’s 30 minutes away. It’s literally what everyone is doing. Maybe if you stop seeing it as extra work you do that others aren’t (they literally all are lol— that’s how time works), you’d be better actually getting up and doing it. That hour or so early buffer you have is what you on time friends are doing too lol. That whole paragraph just seemed so weird to me lol. You just described how ANYONE gets somewhere on time as this special thing you have to do lol. No, you just finally figured it out much later than every other adult on earth.

Honestly thank God you said that because I thought I was crazy. I literally see most of the people I know get ready in under 30 minutes and then leave lol. Although, it can take me much longer than just a little over an hour because I freeze up. I struggle to focus on getting ready to leave. But thank you again because that makes me feel better. I am 19 so i'm a pretty young adult haha.

You could have gone to the concert. Why would you let someone else ruin your evening?

Sounds like you have to do what I had to start doing: tell them to meet up half an hour to 45 minutes before the actual time when you need to meet up. They will always be on time. Except for my one friend who literally shows up hours late then thinks it’s funny.

See I understand this but I still don’t do it because I feel as though I shouldn’t have to trick a grown adult into being responsible like a child. It should be on *them* to plan accordingly for plans they agreed to, not me to monitor their behavior. What I started doing was just leaving/starting without them. If they go long enough facing zero consequences for being late they won’t ever make an effort to be on time. We’re meeting for dinner at 8 and you won’t make it til 8:30? Oh well. We’re eating.

No way. Chronically late people get cut from my life. Screw them.

I started telling my chronically late friend to arrive at my house 20 minutes earlier than I need him to be there, without telling him this of course. And I tell him I leave if he's not there on time and without a heads up.

I have some extremely chronically late friends and it always drives me nuts. This one specific girl I know is so beyond bad about it. A mutual really good friend of ours was having a birthday party, so we told this girl that the party started at 7 when it really started at 8:30 so that she’d end up being perfectly on time. She still showed up at 10.

I mean, agreed on restaurants, appointments, proper “dates” and jobs. Completely disagree for shows/concerts/parties. Going to an “event” to ME means full fun time. I’m letting loose. Just going with the flow of the evening. As long as I get there for the music to start I’m STOKED. I NEVER rely on others for an event I REALLY want to be there for ALL of. Ever. If it’s a shindig, lates alright. If it’s a hootenanny, you better BELIEVE I’m getting there before doors. Really it’s your job to get to the music if that’s what you really want. They probably love you and we’re happy to see you all the same. Regardless of the music. Remember, some people letting go is their only time to feel free. Being “on the clock” for fun is a DRAG.

People who are late categorically pisses me off

100% not overreacting. I had one friend who was chronically late. We'd say 2:30, she'd show up at 3:00. We'd say 8 and she'd come at 8:45. Eventually, I just stopped inviting her out. I am not wasting time for someone who can't manage theirs.

I would've went without her in all honesty. If I payed for something and you're late, I am gonna tell you to meet me there.

This is what I hate about today’s society tbh. Back when long distance communication was limited, your friends would wait for you for maybe about 10-15 minutes and then go without you. So it was pretty much a case of being on time or nothing. Nowadays it’s like… “I don’t feel like getting there at 6:45pm… so I’ll press a few buttons and then I don’t have to” Honestly the bailers are even worse though. I had my new years plans cancelled because all my friends just decided they couldn’t be bothered at the eleventh hour. They didn’t give me any warning either so I couldn’t rearrange. I know some people here will say “find better friends” but I really don’t think they’re out there. I have maybe 2-3 friends who have never bailed on anything. The rest are chronically late and that’s just the norm these days.

💯 How you do anything is how you do everything. Failure to be punctual says you just don't care or you feel your time or your situation is more valuable than whoever you are delaying by being late. Being late is the first entitlement. It tells everyone what they need to know when dealing with you. *You're special...* None of that means the occasional situation won't arise, but guess what? When you're **on time** the other 95 to 98% of the time, you've got credibility and relationship equity in the bank, people will better understand when you *are* late on the rare occasion. Additionally, if you are routinely late due to "traffic", that's your fault. You need to allow yourself more time to get wherever you are going.

I hate it, I try to be at least 5 minutes early to most things- unless I’m having to go through a well- known high traffic area- then I plan to leave an hour earl. But if it’s just down the road to Bible study, I show up 5 minutes earl. Then we sit around for an hour waiting on the late people before we get started

It’s just basic respect to show up on time, if you’re late consistently you’re basically saying “my time is more valuable than yours”.

Also people who will swear that you have gave another time to be picked up, when you have a record of giving them the correct information.

As a frequently late person (usually by no more than 5-10mins) I always profusely apologize. Your friend is an inconsiderate jerk.

I don't apologize. I thank them for waiting, in the rare times I'm late. I agree, the OP's friend was very inconsiderate.

I think an apology is warranted when it’s your fault for holding others up. A “thank you for waiting” is also nice.

They are the worst.

I ain’t wasting time on people who don’t value mine

You have every right to be annoyed, it's out of order! I used to be chronically late and it was genuinely something I didn't realise I was doing, however I'm an adult and did notice something was off and that something was taking its toll on my friends, so I asked and they told me. I now arrive at anything at least half an hour before if I can drive myself, or about 15 mins before if my partner drops me off. I make a point of it now, even if I have to sit awkwardly by myself until they arrive 🤣

I've stopped waiting for my late friends. A few times we have agreed to carpool and I started leaving at the time I said. And they can drive themselves. I lost a couple friends but most started making sure they were on time

you wrote this whole bookwork because somebody was 30 mins late, we have bigger issues to be discussed

because some of us are mentally fucking impaired about time and do our best and still fail.

I used to get ticked off about this too. I'm so busy and have so little time most days that it becomes a huge inconvenience whenever other people show up late to things. It felt like they never respected my time enough to just be a little bit more punctual I'm not going to pretend like I know anything about you, but in my case I realized that most of my bitterness over it was a result of my own anxiety. I always get stressed over a scarcity of time and that's something I've let run ammock in my own life. I spread myself too thin, put too much pressure on myself, and continue to try to find more room to squeeze more stuff in. Hustle culture and workaholism has really done a number on me. I even treat my recreation like work. If I don't get enough "accomplished" in a video game, I feel like I've wasted my time. So the last few years I've learned to let go and slow down. Worked on my perfectionism, learned to relax, purposely gone out of my way to be idle and let myself run late a time or two. I've even dropped a number of hobbies because if I'm honest with myself, I find that I don't have the time. It's okay to just be. I'll never have enough time to do everything I want to do, so sometimes it's better to just let it all go. What happens happens. If I end up wasting time, I'll at least do so while being present to the moment.

This is my brother to a T. We always tell him things start 2 hours earlier than they really do.

Wow, I thought you were going to say you hated when people acted like being 5 min late was normal…this is excessive.

I also can't stand people who aren't late, but they forget something all the time and force you to return or make a stop to get something at a store prior to going to the destination.

Invite her out with you guys but take no responsibility for her. Want to come? Drive yourself.

So do people act like being late is normal or is it just her?

chronically late people are so selfish, it’s like they think people need to wait on them, they’re more important, and entitled to special treatment. i get the occasional situation that causes someone to be late, but every single time? no at that point it’s a them problem they need to figure out on their own while i either go by myself or invite someone else.

Everyone I know is late. Some more than others, pretty common human behaviour tbh. Unless there’s a train to catch or something it doesn’t really matter. People have issues that make it hard to be on time. Could be mental health, could be having a dependent, could be traffic, could be work etc etc. Have you talked to your friend about it? Getting an option from people on sun called “rant” might not give you the most balanced opinion if you know what I mean.

does it sound like i’m open to options? we are also talking about chronically late people, if you have issues that cause you to be late every single time then you need to address those issues before making plans again. travis are also not the only reason why punctuality is a big deal, it’s like you didn’t even read the post, maybe read the post then leave me alone buddy. there’s no excuse for anyone to be chronically late.

Being late is about being in control. My dad thought being 15 minutes early was being late.

Next time don’t wait for them just go. You want to see the band or artist, then just go in ! This happened with me and some friends who got split up on the way to a venue. We just said go in and I’m sure we’ll find you in there somewhere ! Or text me where you’re standing. Or just leave them too it. Going to a gig on your own is awesome too x

As someone who is chronically late no matter what I do forever and ever amen due to time blindness from adhd, you have a few options. 1. Stop relying on those people to get you somewhere on time 2. Make sure you’ve all planned to meet up *significantly* earlier than you’d usually need to if you need to be somewhere at a certain time 3. Stop hanging out with them if it bothers you so much I don’t remember the last time I made plans with my friends that had an exact specific meeting time. There’s always a window “I’ll be there around 10:30” or “I’ll be there between 10 and 10:30” because we know that we’re all goblins who show up precisely when they mean to. If we’re going to a concert or something we plan to meet up absurdly early. I have as much vitriol for people who are snobby about people being late as you seem to for people who are late, but I get it 100%. It would be frustrating especially if you’ve spent money and don’t get me wrong you have every right to be upset about that. But imo there are really easy ways to get around this and avoid problems especially if this is a pattern and you’ve known them for a while. Just plan differently. Seems weird to be this angry about something that could very easily be planned around. Nonetheless, they’re assholes for not apologizing, for making you miss the concert, and everything else. I agree with you there. But there are easy steps to take to make it work

>But imo there are really easy ways to get around this and avoid problems especially if this is a pattern and you’ve known them for a while. I agree but i'm annoyed and needed to rant and that's what this sub is about.

Super incredibly valid and I support you in that 🙏 I’m sorry your concert didn’t go as planned but I hope you still had fun

Oh boy, you'd hate Southern Europeans :')

What a dick

This shit makes me soooo mad too. It's not that hard to be on time and plan accordingly, but people TRULY do not do that ish at all. I think it's disrespectful as hell too.

I agree 100%, especially when it comes to work. I was a manager at a restaurant and the amount of normalization behind being late was insane. On my shifts I had no choice but to tolerate it since neither the GM nor owner cared much. One lady I worked with was a phenomenal worker... when she was there. She was late by at LEAST 15 minutes everyday, being as late as 4 hours. Nobody bat an eyelash and it would infuriate me. Now I work somewhere where there's a point system and honestly? Good. Half day late? Half point. Call but no show? Point. No call no show? Two points.

Ope. Found the late people🤣

The don’t carpool

I suggest you move to Germany or Japan.

I totally can't stand chronic lateness. Myself I'd always prefer to be half an hour early instead of a minute late. I'd suggest moving forward for the group not to include her in traveling to venues. Let her make her own way there so her lateness only affects her.

I bloody hate people being consistently late. A few minutes i can live with but actually late late is so goddamn rude.

this friend is literally younger me. i was treated way too nice for too long until a true bro broke it to me, very harshly, how being late all the time is no good. you tell that person how you feel and if they cant even appreciate your time and honesty idk what can they appreciate.

Lateness is just rude.

Time management is a work term. I don’t punch a clock to hang out with my friends,sorry. I have ADD and one of the most common tenants of ADD is having trouble getting places on time. You need to be more aware that different humans have different thinking patterns. Not everyone is a linear thinker or even thinks in the same order as you do. Recognize that often the habitual lateness is not on purpose our brains literally just do not put things in the right order. We often get distracted and lose track of time even if we start getting ready 2 to 3 hours before we are supposed to be somewhere. We are distracted thinkers which means we can often be very creative and imaginative with interesting view points but a consequence of our brains working this way means we don’t always fit into society’s expectations. I understand it is annoying for you but I can accept when a person just really can’t handle how my brain works and they decide to distance themselves from me over lateness. Although that has never happened to me because most people value me as a person so much they just overlook it. There are many things that they do as well that I overlook. But if a person really couldn’t stand the lateness they have every right to just stop inviting me places or hanging out. If you aren’t meant to be in my life you aren’t meant to be there. Neither one of us should lose sleep over it.

I actually have ADHD myself and i'm fully aware on how this can affect certain situations. I know time management can be really hard, but it's still not an excuse to just blatantly ignore the fact that you're late ev-er-y time and don't even bat an eye about it.

I didn’t say I was late every time. I said that even when I try to be on time and plan 3 hours a head sometimes my ADD gets in the way and I’m late. Usually only 10 to 15 minutes. You also have to realize some people have more severe symptoms than others. Also ADHD is over diagnosed as well. When I say I plan 3 hours a head time what I mean is that sometimes I am legit 100% ready to get in the car and somehow my brain gets distracted and I still end up being late. In fact, sometimes I am ready so early it’s a actually dangerous for me. There have been times when I’ve been ready an hour ahead of time. So I actually have time to kill which gives my mind more time to wander. Do you think I walked into that restaurant on time even though I was outside in the car waiting an hour beforehand ? You bet your ADD I did not. I was still 5 minutes late because I got distracted doing something inside my own car. Just be happy you don’t have ADD as badly as some people.

Ever heard of setting alarms? Reminders on your phone?

The point of my comment was not to say that lateness is okay or even something that people like. My point was that sometimes neuro typical people do not always think about or recognize that others around them just are not. Don’t assume because someone looks like you, shares your interests or even appears to you be functioning completely normally like you, actually is functioning like your or has the same brain in their head as you do functioning the same way. That’s all just recognize this.

Since we're talking about making assumptions, you may as well know that I'm not neurotypical either. :) This is such a ridiculous hill to die on. Get your shit together or people might start to think you're an asshole.

Wow that’s so crazy I never thought of this! Oh wait that’s right people who actually have ADD l get distracted and forget to set their alarms as well! I think you don’t have a great understanding of what ADD is or else you wouldn’t ask these kinds of questions. I’ve already mentioned that I work from home and I actually wake up before my alarm. But if I was going to try and remember to set an alarm for going inside a restaurant or if I did successfully do this every once in awhile there’s no guarantee I wouldn’t get distracted in between the alarm going off and me walking to the door.

Time management is not a work term, it's a life skill. Learn it. It's not about being formal, it's about *not wasting your friend's time*. The two hours they spend in uncertainty waiting for you could have been spent on other things. It doesn't matter that you have ADD. I have friends with ADD and ADHD, they still manage to be on time. Learn the skill.

I have a lot of mental issues from childhood, toddler sexual assault and PTSD coupled with ADD . I’ve been trying for many years and sometimes I just have to accept that sometimes small issues like being 10 to 15 minutes late isn’t a big deal.

> I just have to accept that sometimes small issues like being 10 to 15 minutes late isn’t a big deal. ...to you. It's not a big deal... *to you*. You are not the only person involved here. I am sorry you have had such hardhips and traumatic experiences in life. I couldn't begin to imagine how awful that must be. However, at the risk of sounding like a complete and utter asshole... that's not an excuse. Consistently being late is a bad habit, and one you should strive to change. Yes it's work to do so, but your friends, colleagues, etc., would be very thankful for it.

I work from home so your assumption about colleagues is wrong. I can barely get my brain to process things in the right order. I’ll deal with my lateness once I stop blacking out during the middle of the day.

It sounds like you have far worse problems in your life. I hope you some day manage to get them under control or dealt with and all that. But you do need to understand that lateness affects others too, not just yourself. You've got bigger fish to fry, but still.

Thank you for being understanding. I do understand this and I am not a 30 minutes or 2 hours late kind of person it’s more like 5-10 minutes. I just wish people could understand that sometimes your wishy washy spacey friends are not just lazy or annoying sometimes their brain is physically in the process of trying to heal from years of trauma. Nobody looks at another person and assumes they’ve been traumatized to a point where their brain isn’t running normally. Because most people aren’t just going to offer this info up out of the blue.

it's not that difficult to plan your time. here's an example of what you can do - wash up + shower: 40mins - change into clothes: 5mins - makeup: 20mins - leave the house: 5mins (give a buffer in case you forgot something) - bus waiting time: 10mins give and take - travel: 30mins total: 1hr 50mins if you have to reach a place at 12pm, you wake up at 10:10am. it's as simple as that. it's not a flex to be chronically late. not to mention that you should not use ADD as an excuse to be late. so if you're working and your boss asks you why your always late, do you say "oh sorry i have ADD it causes me to be late"? your ass is going to get fired on the spot. good time management is a life skill, don't find excuses for yourself.

All. Of. That. A responsible, engaged, rational person anticipates and plans. And ADD, ADHD is not a reasonable explanation. It's an *excuse*.

I wake up at 7:30 every morning for work. 9-5, 5 days a week. But on my days off if I have to be somewhere I normally start getting ready 3 hours ahead of time. I don’t take a bus I drive everywhere. Thanks for the advice but it’s not as if I don’t know these things. But I actually have ADD. Not just a diagnoses. This means it impacts and intrudes on my everyday life. If I was able to just easily overcome it with will power it wouldn’t actually be something de habilitating worth diagnosing now would it?

so you are able to wake up early and heck, you even drive? that's even worse that you're late. you're basically telling us that you have the ability to wake up early to prepare and you even drive (which is objectively faster than taking public transport) and you're still late? nah you cannot use ADD as an excuse for this one. there is really no excuse for being late when you can wake up early + you can drive.

Like for years one of my good male friends who actually has ADHD would jokingly say I think you have ADD, hun. I never believed him. But then finally he moved in with me and actually watched the process of how I get ready and when I start getting ready. He finally would say “ Stay focused don’t do that because it will cause you to get distracted!” So once someone else actually was with me witnessing how I got distracted and what was actually taking me so long. He’s like you actually have it and has sort of backed off. He literally was like “I don’t know how you get from point A to B but you get there just very distracted and a little late.” Like he couldn’t even figure out how I found these things to be distracted by. I myself don’t know how it happens in the moment it’s just something that I can look back and see but not control in real time.

Maybe you don’t understand how ADD works. My ability to wake up isn’t my problem my problem is that I have ADD. Also I work from home. So I’m not late to work because that’s impossible. I don’t know where you live but most people drive. It doesn’t matter when I wake up or how early I am sitting in the parking lot waiting to go inside to a restaurant . I am still often 5 minutes late. Even if I’m in the parking lot waiting a half hour before I’m supposed to be inside. Because this is what actual ADD is! Maybe you’ve met a lot of people who have poor time management or less severe symptoms but I actually have ADD. This means that even if I am physically inside waiting somewhere the likelihood that I will still be sitting there when everyone else arrives to the restaurant is 50/50. I could get up and go to the restroom and get distracted talking to someone inside the restroom. Then show up at the table 5-10 min later than everyone else. I could be waiting in the car outside and decide to check my banking app then get lost calculating my monthly expenses. Then look at my phone and realize I’m 4 min late! Once I was at a bar before everyone else was just waiting for everyone to arrive. A random guy came up and started talking to me and somehow I ended up at a bar right next to the one my friends were meeting at because I had a full 30 min before anyone else was supposed to show up. So I just went over there to kill time. But when I actually arrived back I was 4 min late. ADD is having a highly distractible brain but being completely unable to control it in real time. Even if you can look back and see how you got distracted. Like you have to understand I went years not even considering that I had ADD. Thinking it was an over diagnosed gimmick. Thinking that I genuinely was just an unmotivated late person. Then finally I realized the people who actually have ADD often do not think they have it and blame themselves. People who take the ADD diagnoses easily and just use it to their advantage all the time is the problem for people who actually have it and can’t control it at all.

I have ADD and I detest being late so I have a solid built ritual to eliminate distractions. I know exactly where I will be and what I will be doing from the moment I wake up to the moment I arrive at at work.

Time myopia in ADD can cause a person to either be very early or very late. In the United States, you're blessed to be early/on time.

Yes exactly as I mentioned often I am very early. Like hours earlier!

Then you don’t have it now do you? You might just have less severe symptoms or something else honestly. If you have ADD and can actually stick to the plans you’ve made for yourself. You have something else. You do realize for a person with actual ADD to stick to a plan they laid out for themselves is like I said 50/50. I am also a planner. I make plans all the time but my brain will wander from those plans.

Nope, I have it. I have had it my entire life, all 36 years of it. What I am trying to say is don't let your ADD speak for you, don't give it an excuse.

Maybe try getting an MRI so you can know for sure. https://www.ajmc.com/view/brain-mris-can-identify-adhd-and-distinguish-among-subtypes

You're assuming I haven't.

EDIT: so glad their comments got removed, “educate yourself” they say while bringing up things i never said, like no shit you can’t fix it with alarms but you can still fix being chronically late even if it means setting alarms every 5 minutes in the 2 hours before you need to leave every time you have somewhere to be. stop using ADHD/ADD and an excuse, it’s not an excuse to be chronically late, i have time blindness on top of my ADHD and have forced myself to get the skills needed to not be a selfish person and expect people to put up with chronic lateness. YOU don’t understand how ADHD/ADD works especially if you’re using it as an excuse and obviously refusing to change you’re frankly narcissistic ways.

Saying you have time blindness on top of ADHD means you don’t really know that much about ADHD. ADHD is time blindness. It’s not an accessory to ADHD. It is an executive brain function disorder which means the two hemisphere are split between knowing and doing. This means that all you guys claiming that you can force yourself to do something shows you were misdiagnosed. My suggestion would be to get the MRI brain scan that will show whether you really have the brain of an ADHD person or someone was just telling your parents what they wanted to hear so they threw money and a diagnoses at you.

sweetheart i know it’s hard to understand but some of us actually understand our diagnosis and had to go thru a lot of therapy and analysis in order to be properly diagnosed. time blindness is separate from ADHD for me, it’s a separate issue, i get that’s hard to understand since you use it as an excuse in order to continue to act like a narcissist but it seems like the only person “misdiagnosed” here is you thinking you’re entitled to peoples time and aren’t obligated to change. no one but a shit doctor who had their license revoked told my parents what they want to hear, they didn’t want me to have autism or ADHD i wasn’t diagnosed till i was an adult cuz then they’ll have to come to terms that they couldn’t beat the focus or understanding social cues into me. maybe you should get a scan of your brain and maybe they can fix your narcissism and need to disprove other people who have put the effort into being a decent person and don’t feel entitled to other peoples time. sorry some of us saw an issue and fixed it and are better than you cuz we don’t use our disability as an excuse and don’t try to disprove others when they put emphasis on something. also not all neurodivergent people have time blindness so it is an issue babe. you’re like an actual piece of shit trying to dictate who does and doesn’t have a disorder all because we have actually fixed an issue you refuse to fix cuz again you’re a narcissist.

Thank you for saying this. I got downvoted first saying something similar. The exchanges were basically: “Im always late. I have ADD.” *”I also have ADD. I’m not always late.”* “Then you don’t actually have it. You were misdiagnosed.” They were in this thread telling people they were misdiagnosed because they handle their symptoms better.

why the hell are you telling people what they have/don't have? you were also telling another user here that they were misdiagnosed. so everyone here is misdiagnosed except for you? it's obvious you're using ADD as an excuse, i have friends who have ADHD and ADD and they're always on time. it's not a fucking excuse.

I am the same way as you with my 9-5. I wake up 2 hours before breakfast otherwise I won't have time to eat. Drive time is the thing that kills me. It takes 15-20 mins to head to work but I'm still always late. I have timers and alarms for literally everything. I can manage my sleep and wake up time because my body likes to sleep, but it can't get out of some mental lock restraint.

Yes,I very much do understand. All these people on here saying they can just will themselves to override a literal executive brain function sound very misinformed. I’m not saying they don’t have it but will power does not factor into this. The two brain hemispheres between knowing and doing are split. You can’t just will your brain hemispheres to close up and work? Like I can see now a lot of people’s parents threw money at the problem to get a diagnoses for them.

Damn, I don't have a diagnosis but maybe it's time to get tested. This whole thread has opened my eyes. I'm glad I'm not the only one who struggles with this as well. Thank you for sharing your perspective!

I’m glad I could help. I was very similar to you for years. I never considered I had it because literally when your brain actually works this way you just think it’s normal. Even though you can see that other people do not think it is normal. You yourself do all the steps that you see others doing to be on time and somehow it just doesn’t work for you. This is because your brain may actually be that of a person with ADHD. Not just someone who got a diagnoses but your brain actually works differently.

Your ADD isn’t your fault but it’s still your responsibility. I have clinical depression that occasionally causes me to withdraw and be way less social. It would still be an asshole move to go completely dark on my friends for weeks at a time because I had a depressive episode. Mental disorders are tough. I get it. It’s still not a get out of jail free card for when you disrespect your friends.

Clinical depression and ADD are not the same thing. My brain does not make a conscious choice to be distracted. Not talking to your friends is a choice I guess you feel like you have? If you stopped talking to your friends for a month but didn’t even notice until after a month or so when you came out of your depression that would be a closer comparison. It’s not as if I actively say to myself “now don’t get distracted” as if I could just choose one or the other” What I do know is that a lot of my male friends have told me point blank” I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid but once I actually met you I realized I might not have actually ever really had it.” There are a lot of people who are being diagnosed with ADHD that may have as you said depression or something else. This makes it very difficult for people who actually have it. Because everyone knows someone with ADHD but they have never really met anyone with actual neuro divergence. Like I think people are missing the fact that my lateness is not the issue it’s the way my brain gets distracted which as byproduct means I can lose track of time.

I think you entirely missed the point that I was making. You cannot help that you have ADD. You CAN help how your ADD affects those around you. It’s not your fault that you have it but it’s still your responsibility to deal with it. I merely used my mental illness to illustrate my point, I wasn’t making an equivalency. My depressions is extremely hard to deal with a times but it’s still not an excuse for me to disregard how I treat those around me and expecting them to just deal. That’s not fair to them and if that were my expectation they would be completely justified in being annoyed with me.

Exactly, thank you for putting it so clear.

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I think what I do understand now is that a lot of you guys were diagnosed with things you don’t actually have. If you had it you wouldn’t even be capable of doing the things you say more than 10% of the time . Maybe you need to do more research about what ADD is? It is an executive brain disorder. It’s not something you switch on and off with planning or an alarm clock. It’s sort of like telling a person with autism that they should just try and be more emotional like everyone else? These are real disorders. Whatever you guys do on your own time with planning and time management is great. My suggestion would be to actually get the MRI brain scan. Many people are misdiagnosed with ADHD and the brains scan will help show you if this happened to you or not.

Women take more time to get ready. I used to be late to friends gatherings because I was doing my make up, changing up, etc and I had to take two buses. In my country it's not common for everyone to have a car

Starting the process of getting ready earlier is always an option.

Adults know how long it takes them to get ready. So if you need an hour to get ready, you start 75 minutes before you intend to leave the house so you have a buffer. Excluding unexpected events outside of your control -- like a car accident or diarrhea, there is zero excuse for being late. Each time you're late you're telling other people your time is more valuable than theirs and you don't respect them.

then you plan ahead by calculating or estimating how much time is taken for each individual task before leaving the house. i'm a woman too and i do the same things as you except i'm early most of the time. being a woman and having makeup and all that is not an excuse to be late. if you know you have more things to do than the usual person, work out the timings and plan backwards so you know what time to wake up to complete all those tasks.

Exactly. You’ve presumably been doing your makeup, hair, etc. all your life. You know how much time it typically takes you. Take that into consideration and plan accordingly My mother and sister also took ages to get ready before going out but they were very rarely late because they *started* at an appropriate time that would ensure they had enough time to get ready.

I can't wait until a traffic jam makes you late and your insane point of view ends with your termination and eventually you wind up on public assistance for being such a royal B.

They're mad at the people who make being late a real habit without any consideration for wasting people's time. No heads up or anything. It's a reasonable and valid rant imo. It doesn't seem like you even read the post based on your overreaction. Maybe you read it, but didn't comprehend it.

I had a friend like this. The last straw was the renaissance fair for my daughter’s birthday. She had a son my daughters age, and we cosplayed together. But she was always late af. Usually no problem whatever, but we had planned to get to the faire when it opened at 11 and spend the day there (it winds up around 4pm). We live 2 hours away. We were going to leave at 9. So I get kiddo up at like 6 and we do our makeup and costumes. Then 9:30 rolls around. And I figured she’d be late so I called her like yo where u at. Says she’s still getting ready. Long story short, several hours and phone calls later, this bitch shows up at 12:30. We have been waiting for 3 hours. IN UNCOMFORTABLE COSTUMES and our makeup wearing off. We got there at 2 and had 2 hours to play. after a 2 hour drive. My daughter was so disappointed I took her again another weekend just us. She was always doing things like this and acting like it was no big deal- funny even. I stopped planning things with her after that. We are still friends but I don’t make plans with her.

10 to 15 minutes late is the ok terms for me. But rescheduling hours before to then be 20 or 30 min late to that unacceptable

Sadly all my friends are 10-30 minutes late! Even an hour late without notice. It’s so annoying that they aren’t considerate of my time.

I once had to wait a whole hour because all four people I was meeting with at 6pm said they couldn't get there until 7pm 🫠 I even rushed and everything to get there at 6 and got someone to drop me off. Don't say a time if you're not gonna get there at it Jesus

It's disrespectful even once unless there is a real reason that could not be helped.

It is disrespectful and it is rude. I suggest never putting yourself in a position where you must wait for her anymore. Don't carpool, and if she doesn't show up at an event on time, just proceed with your own evening as you see fit. Don't wait for her.

It is in some cultures

Maybe you could go without them next time, then wait half an hour before telling them you left already along with no apology

I despise people who cannot be on point for important matters. If it's like Idk meeting up to play football or so, it's fine, but other than that, it infuriates me

This is not just your "friends". This is the problem with society in general these days. People are taking each other for granted way too much because people aren't holding each other nearly as accountable as they used to overall. Next time something like this happens I would tactfully hold them accountable by at least saying something to the effect of "hey, it hurts me when you...".