T O P
  • By -

Adongfie

Master chief: “oh boy I freaking love having sex with POWs raised by an alien society that likely never taught them proper hygiene”


wookiee-nutsack

Could you imagine chief getting diagnosed with some sort of fucking covie std


ScincopusFasciatus

Sangheiliphylis


Romulous69

Sangussy


Automatic-Rise6379

I read your comment and then proceeded to dying


beanerweaner10

I chuckled, I cant lie


Wooden-Sense-8713

Lol I chucked then read your comment, I cant lie


MadmansScalpel

I did not chuckle, but did smile, then read these comments


Don-Tan

I chuckled when you all chuckled, then i smiled


LooseTop6232

I cuckolded


retiredcrayon11

I aggressively blew air through my nose, then I read these comments. Can’t lie.


redious307

I read both of your comments and am under oath and are not legally allowed to lie.


JBCockman

The Grumpies=Grunt Herpes


user_3241

Get out


PaniqueAttaque

*Hingedick*


yeetcacheet

Wort Wort Warts


s0lesearching117

Season 2. Let’s all petition Paramount for this right now.


Einar_47

"Chief care to explain what you're doing with those grunts?" "Sir, giving the covenant back their crabs"


PaniqueAttaque

Ha! Cause Unggoy have crustacean evolutionary heritage!


FBM_ent

You're a legend, and never let anyone tell you different. This comment is criminally under rated.


Rycoonboi

Cheif gonna get Wortwortworts


KoalaBackfist

“Help! I was their prisoner! You have some really great hair for a prisoner… “I just threw this together” …


gwynbleidd2511

"Master Chief is a *human*, he's not a *machine* - Kiki Wolfkill This petty officer needs to be court-martialled ASAP for *fraternising* with the enemy...in 7 different positions, while his mommy's clone AI watches away from near the copy machine. This has to be a bootleg adult parody version of Halo, because no competent writer, artist or producer even remotely familiar with the source material would do that, or approve that, even in an alternate timeline (and even George Lucas' realised when he went too far). I hope they put it on CW next season, just to increase its chances of cancellation because I'd rather have no live action version of Halo, than an abomination of a product. I don't mean the cast & crew any ill will though - But it's clear they are not at all familiar with the material in sense that they can accurately pinpoint other pieces of content as sources of inspiration. - Halo has always been a mix of Alien, Starship Troopers, Battlestar Galactica & Band of Brothers for its video game series....or District 9. That's it. It's military sci-fiction, with some political & tactical intrigue. It's even in the behind the scenes documentary for the games. - Even if you are from the TV world, you can even take inspiration from Expanse, Foundation, Westworld for visual themes if the tonal direction needs to be 343 gritty, instead of "fun"; but do not dilute the intricacies of the source material to serve a product "designed for NFL players or soccer moms" (in the disgraceful words of David Benioff & Dan Weiss, from Game of Thrones). - Go full Edge of Tomorrow with it, make five or six, not 10 episodes - But each of them should be of high quality. That's what the money is for. Use volume technology. Prosthetics & animatronics. > Arcane was written from scratch - and it only had a barebones video game lore to back it's story. Halo has a expanded universe & novels ffs. Martin O'Donnell is extremely lucky to have his theme not show up in this.


Calf_

>in 7 different positions, while his mommy's clone AI watches away from near the copy machine. Did the scene actually play out like that?


gwynbleidd2511

Even though my response is hyperbolic in tone, it's just a slight exaggeration of what ends up happening. 😔🤦


BlackSavage70

She is known as Cucktana now


REQCRUIT

An alien race more technologically advanced than humans... That doesn't know about hygiene? lol


kwsee

But do they comprehend their own stolen technology? Also why would aliens know anything about human biology. They barely understand how the halo rings work...


James2603

To be fair if I were in a war with an alien race I’d research their biology to understand how to kill them most efficiently.


LivingCheese292

Then tell me why Grunts don't try to shoot Chiefs balls all the time. Checkmate.


James2603

How do you know they don’t?


LivingCheese292

Good point. Maybe Chief wears the iron thong for a reason...


TheRealBirdjay

Grunts have testicles on their booba


SatorSquareInc

Well you would expect one treats scales differently than skin


NotSoSmart45

The aztecs had far better hygiene than the spaniards when they arrived ​ What exactly would be so crazy about an alien race with completely different needs not being hygienic to our human standards?


Reeeeeechard

Ooohwee, just like the games I ‘member.


jonnio2215

I expected this from a mass effect tv show, not halo.


Stoly23

Between this, and the whole “touched an ancient alien artifact and got a vision,” and the reference to Commander Shepard in the first episode, I’m pretty damn suspicious that the writers thought they were supposed to write a plot for a mass effect show and by the time they found out the truth it was too late so they just changed some character and location names around in the script and *voila,* Halo.


robertojh119

Did you also notice that the first episode is practically a point for point remake of the first mission to Eden Prime? Right down to the main character getting mysterious visions from an ancient alien artifact.


Captain_Jeep

Can't wait for the invetiable mass effect show that starts off an a ring in space.


ThinkThink23

"They call it, Ha- erhm... Massive Affect?"


Holy-Kush

The Ass Effect (Don't look up that sub)


DadBodftw

Or do, you know, for science.


[deleted]

I had no intentions of looking it up until you said I shouldnt do it edit: oh god I made a mistake


Stoly23

Yeah, they even picked up an annoying angry chick while on ~~Eden Prime~~ Madrigal.


robertojh119

Ah, a fellow Alenko fan I see.


Stoly23

Funny thing is I saved Ashley and she gets better later on but in 1 she’s kind of insufferable.


unstable_asteroid

Picard S1 stole a lot from Mass Effect too. Evil AI incompatible with organic life. The ship even reminded me of a ME ship.


TheWorstYear

Something tells me that Paramount tried working out a deal on a Mass Effect show, and that fell through. So they just used the scripts written for that, & incorporated them into the other sci fi content they had in production.


DadBodftw

Henry Cavill posted on IG a while back him reading a barely legible script. Some internet sleuths found it was about Quarians. So who knows what's happening there. But that was two years ago and there was a script then.


ConditionSlow

The big bad of season 1 was basically just reapers in dark space


Jake_AA

I know that is an interesting theory. Or? And hear me out. They writers just don’t know what halo is outside of what they’re kids told them about and watching a montage on YouTube


Stoly23

And by montage it was probably some 12 year old’s “MLG PRO” montage of poorly edited gameplay footage with all the deaths cut out. And with a *lot* of teabagging, which would explain why Chief is already clapping cheeks.


hulkingbehemoth

Step 1: Gather Halo highlight clips Step 2: Add a rich filter, vignette Step 3: Slap some “Breaking Benjamin” over that bad boy Step 4: ???? Step 5: PROFIT!


Jake_AA

Lmaoooo yep read my mind


Bloodfangs09

I'd love a Mass Effect show.. but then again it would probably be butchered to the Attican Traverse and back


Wage

We may find out, supposedly Amazon is working on one.


curlbaumann

I have literally zero faith in any existing IP anymore. The whole industry is “let’s make a show, only thing is our show sucks so no one would ever watch it, so let’s slap an existing, beloved, IP on to it to trick that fan base into watching it. Then let’s feign toxicity when they inevitably hate it” IPs are commodities now, if the original creator isn’t overseeing it, chances are it will suck.


gideon513

The actor even seems a better fit for Shepard


lop333

I now belive this theory


ZincNut

The fact that I'd actually almost believe this..


Flight_Harbinger

Bro no joke me and my friends watched Picard season 1 when it came out and among *many* absurdities in the show we found how eerily similar the overall plot was to mass effect. Hidden ancient alien device showing past destructions of civilizations at the hands of creepy extragalactic machines that want to wipe out organic life. It's like Paramount+ just got a copy of mass effect 1 and just just decided to slap it's plot and themes onto previously established sci Fi franchises.


ThatOtherGuy_CA

Holy fucking shit


Panda_hat

The under suit even looks quite mass effect like.


killfriendlly

HOLY CRAP! Thats what been in the back of my head. This shows plot is pretty much Mass Effect 1. Special Forces find ancient Alien artifact and craziness happens.


DarkJayBR

Don't insult Mass Effect 1 like this. Mass Effect 1 had world bulding light years better than whatever this show is trying to do.


Luis_McLovin

oh my god, this show would've made much more sense as a mass effect IP. maybe the writers couldnt license their story for mass effect and settled for halo, without reworking it lol


MrFrequentFlyer

I’m beginning to think the adapters put the wrong title on the show.


echolog

This is what happens when showrunners decide they want to grab up refugee Game of Thrones fans.


Glucosquidic

Lmao. Refugee GoT fans is golden


Paxton-176

They aren't refugees. They are r/freefolk


[deleted]

its the witchering from netflix all over again


bob0979

Except the Witcher is already a sexed up game. Based off sexed up books. Halo is... Not? There's really no other way to word that one. It's just not designed as a sexy universe.


Haijakk

>It's just not designed as a sexy universe. Have you seen the Gravemind?


bob0979

You're right, but like that's one character. Name a single other creature as hot as gravemind in the games Edit: I said as hot as gravemind. Come on, nobody is that smoking hot, not even halo 4 cortana with her big mommy stompers (feet)


Downfall350

Bro, you knew this was comming: Halo 4 cortana......'s feet.


GawainSolus

Cortana, The Arbiter, Atriox, master beef, captain Cutter *and most of the halo wars 2 cast*, Olympia Vale, all the spartan 4s in their Gen 2 armor. Kat, yap yap the destroyer, Linda and Kelly in their Gen 2 armor, Edit: how could could I forget Seargent Major Avery "I Know what the ladies like" Johnson.


StormEarthandFyre

>lists a bunch of "humans" Fuckin normies smh


OddballAbe

Johnson ain't human, he's a marine.


Typical_Basket709

Tell me you never heard of Yapyap without telling me you never heard of Yapyap.


derprunner

Tartarus could most definitely smash


Stoly23

At least sex scenes are something that is pretty in character for the Witcher. This is the equivalent of putting sex scenes in Star Wars but for some reason feels a lot worse.


Thyre_Radim

It'd be like space marines in 40k having sex with the space nuns. It's just such an awful decision.


GawainSolus

It feels bad because the writing is garbage, the relationship between makee and Pablo-117 is incredibly forced, inorganic, and rushed.


12345678ijhgfdsaq234

No fucking way they pulled this shit. Master Chef is hauling a fucking *dumpster truck sized* ass, not whatever pathetic bs this is. Unbelievable how much disrespect the show runners have for the source material


DarkJayBR

If we take Halo Reach's into account. All Spartans are T H I C C as fuck.


cafeesparacerradores

Need more info


DarkJayBR

[Here](https://www.google.com/search?q=halo+reach+kat+ass&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwiM1Z6-ztv3AhWBOLkGHaHbCB0Q2-cCegQIABAA&oq=halo+reach+kat+ass&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQAzoECCMQJzoECAAQQzoLCAAQgAQQsQMQgwE6CggAELEDEIMBEEM6CAgAEIAEELEDOgUIABCABDoHCAAQsQMQQzoICAAQsQMQgwE6BAgAEBM6CAgAEAgQHhATUNcHWNQYYOscaABwAHgAgAHjAogBrCSSAQgwLjMuMTEuNZgBAKABAaoBC2d3cy13aXotaW1nwAEB&sclient=img&ei=Dtt9YoyWFYHx5OUPobej6AE&bih=657&biw=1366&rlz=1C1CHBD_pt-PTBR905BR905)


NotoriousJazz

Damn I forgot how mutch Kat was packin


DarkJayBR

The duality of man: the choice between Cortana’s boobs or Kat’s ass.


popje

Halo 4 Cortana to be more specific


Alexis2256

But Cortana also has an ass 😩 oh it’s so hard for me to choose.


drwicksy

Cortana has an ass, Kat has a dump truck, they are not the same


ClarinetMaster117

What the fuck am I reading lmao


impstein

From an OG halo fans standpoint, like people who've played since the original came out, this series makes no sense


Paxton-176

Imagine being a lore fan. We were thankful it was declared non-canon.


Scraftysenpai

i had a conversation about to my friends why even make a chief series in the first place then? why cant it be a random spartan from the spartan II program?


mgsilod_lost_old_acc

the possibilities were endless, like really. But... We're stuck with this for another season


Einar_47

I love how series enjoyers will be like "you don't know the lore or you'd like the show" and I'm like excuse me, care to show me where in the lore Jimmy Rings puts his penis in a member of the covenant? I must have missed the novel where the Chief destroys Arby's sangussy.


AFalconNamedBob

"Sangussy" both a word that's got me howling And that I never ever want to read again


Atharaphelun

At least it's not San'Shyuussy.


IronSpearcrow

Even if this show was supposed to be canon, I would refuse to acknowledge it as such.


Exciting_Pineapple_4

But can Cortana be like: Master Chief you have to change the angle of the tongue by 12 degrees…..


drwicksy

"Locating clitoris" "Calculating most efficient thrust vector" "Chief increase speed by 23%"


theincredibleharsh

I was positive about the show till last episode This one was cringefest, and now I don’t even care. Just fire the halo rings and kill everyone.


Stoly23

Nah, make it more of a spectacle. Release the gravemind and let it consume the galaxy.


Spartanias117

Yhis i would be on board with. Turn this shit into a flood zombie survival


SucyUwU

I wouldn’t be surprised if they made the Flood just some generic zombies instead of a hive mind based on how this show is going tbh


Spartanias117

Ah fuck... all to save budget right?


Stoly23

Honestly I’m still kind of excited to see the flood because while they have butchered quite a bit the Covenant has been handled great so far if you ignore their lack of screentime. I just wish they would do a better job of showing what an imminent existential threat they are, the glassed planet this episode was a step in the right direction but I still don’t feel like they’ve really established that Humanity is fighting a war for survival against a superior force that wants them wiped out.


IntellectualDweeb

Just get the covenant to have a dance-off with the Spartans to Beyonce's "Halo" since that has similar levels of relevance and the same amount of attention to lore


WishMeAKill

Settle down everything is bad except for Kai!


DreadXCII

Some of these screenshots seem like they're from Mass Effect lol


ObeseOryx

Wouldn't be surprised to find out that one pic is someone in camera mode checkin out tali


Slight-Blueberry-895

Every day we stray further from God.


BudgetAudiophile

Lord please just take me now


theredvoid

This is actually a reference to that scene in Halo combat evolved where master chief has sex. Master chief also has sex in Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Wars, and can be seen having sex in Halo Reach if you look through a window in one of the maps.


Xhalo

I love using the pistol in sex 1 but the launcher in sex 2 is way better


herman-the-vermin

Is it with Cortana and his suit?


hyrumwhite

Constantly, its the secret to his combat prowess, never ending post nut clarity


DarkJayBR

Yes, Cortana has a jerk-off module installed on his suit.


kurtsaidwhat

Yes and if you look closely into the visor it’s on PH


Einar_47

Play the monastic singing at 3x speed and it's just sexually charged moaning.


Einar_47

I assume you're talking about Cortana using his suit to jack him off, which is 100% cannonically accurate.


Aquillifer

Nah he was talking about the secret Arbiter sex scene that you can unlock in Halo 2.


Sivalon

The show’s plot is, apparently, ass.


Terminal-Post

“Chief, mind telling what you’re doing in that cell?” “Sir, finishing this fight.”


Lost-Lu

"Sir... finishing."


Terminal-Post

*Unfrigginbelievable*


_PersimmonGap

So they finally answered the question *”Does the Master Chief clap cheeks”*


The_Josh_Sormon

When are we going to see some Arbiter cheeks


Reptilian_Overlord20

How about any amount of Arbiter at all?


Einar_47

Never gonna happen, the covenant have MacKenzie now.


yaosio

The Arbiter stops the war by twerking his way to victory. The entire Covenant give up their religion for the message of dat ass.


Marzdsybreak1976

Or Prophet cheeks


Lord-Chamberpot

Or Atriox ass


011101012101

Or the gravemind tentacles


Sambothebassist

Or an actual Halo show.


codexx33

Wait what scene was the second to last photo with the leather pants from


Lost-Lu

13:05 from the latest ep.


codexx33

I saw it just watched the episode. I straight up think that was a stunt ass. This is unbelievable. That actress don't got a booty like that


TheLifeOfBaedro

She do tho


iAmLordRevan

The one thing I learned from this: there is one alien on high charity who is a barber


putnamto

i bet its either a drone or an engineer, them extra appendages make short work of the hair.


aimoperative

Look, if we’re gonna go this way, can we get a female elite at least? Or have someone fuck a jackal ship mistress? Like, give us 4K alien porn with heavy attention to detail. If we wanted human on human we have better stories on pornhub.


sean_m_curry

Chief spends more time naked than in his armor. A futuristic military force lets it's officer sleep with a pow and spend the night in her cell. This same military force flies light years to secure a site, fails to pull security, doesnt bring air support, places it's assets all in one place, and has the leadership experience of a group of Kindergarteners. Who writes this cra? A squad of boot camp privates could take on this entire military force with minimal effort and succeed


yaosio

What if the writers are former Russian military?


Flat-Reference-9113

Alex Kurtzman and his cronies. They already wrecked Star Trek, now it's on to another science fiction franchise.


sean_m_curry

Id have expected better from a Sci fi written. I feel like the writing is lazy due to budget maybe and lack of caring


SenorPuff

It's entirely lack of caring. You can do amazing things with small budgets. Like Forward Unto Dawn.


[deleted]

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.


Rags2Rickius

The Flood: Origins


lifefailout000

😂😂😂😂😂


TianObia

God help us


NoImCAP

Sorry, forgot to renew my PornHub subscription so I haven't seen the latest episode, can't speak on the quality of them cheeks


glitchii-uwu

right from the beginning, i felt that the show had potential. sure, it had its share of fuckups here and there, maybe a bit more than its share, but no matter, i believed in it. i always thought “just wait ‘till next episode, u/glitchii-uwu, it’ll get better.” every episode i thought it had been the worst of it, and that we were almost through to the good stuff, the action, the lore. i was very tolerant of the shit it did wrong, but now. oh. now? fuck this. im not watching this anymore. theres literally no way the writers can unfuck this in the last episode, let alone a second season if it ever gets one. what the fuck did they think they were writing? mass effect? at least that would have been good compared to what we have now. just change out the characters, the locations, the ships etc., it would be fine. but not as a halo show.


LordRevanofDarkness

Asscheeks dont make up for a shitty story


Avowed_Precursor

Cant think of the story when im jackin off to Master Cheeks and Gender/Species swapped Arbite.ahem Makee


Lost-Lu

Don't forget Cucktona watchin from the corner with pizza.


DetectiveAmes

People keep mentioning this part but I haven’t seen it in a clip or screenshot to laugh at 😢


MastaCheeks116

ಠ_ಠ


FF-0X

All we need now is Clap-Clap the Destroyer to create a love/booty triangle with him, fake-117 and the chick. “Once you go Yap, you gonna get clapped”


Deathknightjeffery

Ain't no one complaining about the *PLOT* We're complaining about the PLOT Lmao


The_P0tion

This show deserves all the hate honestly


Darthmark3

The thought of master chief having sex with anyone REALLY rubs me the wrong way. It just feels so wrong for someone like him


Jonin_Jordan

It's sure rubbing him the *right* way


Darthmark3

I knew I should have phrased this differntly


IronSpearcrow

It would only feel right if it were with the Arbiter. Master Cheeks about to clap some Sangussy.


SamTheComicMan

Imagine being the guy playing chief, at first when he signed on he was probably hyped, imagining all the dope action scenes and one liners he could say, Then you show up to set and the director is like "strip naked we need some ass shots of you and cortana in the shower"


herman-the-vermin

Why couldn't they have just done something like Halo Reach?!


Haijakk

Ok but why did they put so much focus on Kai's ass in that scene tho


Mikavilio

That is a great ass though


IronGigant

Because she's only human if we can ogle her./s


appleseed_john

This comment section is the best fucking thing I've seen in a long time. Fap on, you crazy Spartans, fap on.


Lost-Lu

Cortana... I need a tissue.


Trumpologist

My issue isn't the sex, it's whatever, but like....what the fuck is up with both her and chief changing alliances every 10 minutes why is the reach leadership such idiots


Melladay

Hold on there is a halo TV show?


DaymansvNightmans

No, there isn't. Don't look for it.


ManOfQuest

Nope.


MetalGearMk3

Not my halo


_PersimmonGap

Where my Halo gone? 😢


Lrbearclaw

It's a cockring now.


Palpatine_eats_farts

They turk err halo


vex91

Aren't Spartans supposed to be like genetically engineered with the sole purpose of being machines of war? Like so much so that they have zero sex drive or need for anything other than killing, carrying out missions and saving humanity?


lifefailout000

I’m not defending the show, but Spartans have canonically been in romantic relationships before and Randall Aiken even had a daughter. The sex drive thing is just a potential side effect in terms of being suppressed. Not even zero. I believe the evidence is found in Halsey’s journal.


ConclusionMiddle425

Yes but... ThIs iS tHe SiLvEr TiMeLiNe


Autoxidation

This is our punishment for not upgrading to gold.


UsernameAlreadyUsed3

Not engineered, modified


I-wana-cherish-IQ

I wanna see spartan ass, but that ass better still be in uniform


Pingpaul

Why can’t I just have what I’ve always wanted, a halo tv horror show with the flood in live action, you would win tv awards with that but they wanna make butt stuff a thing


Pocide94

Time to go on the holy journey and activate the ring.


giants888

So next season will be her having the Chief's baby?


Fenrrito

Next game will be a mobile version only!!!


giants888

Halo Baby Battle Customize your baby Spartan with tons of mictotransactions!


BhanosBar

This a Sci-fi game with a Halo Branded Skin pack


derKamerad_Hans

Is the show that bad?!


2nafish117

Wtf


roshanpr

So this is how the chief fucks the Covenant in the show.


RarestProGamerr

Did the showrunners forget they are writing for Halo and not Mass Effect?