Master chief: “oh boy I freaking love having sex with POWs raised by an alien society that likely never taught them proper hygiene”
Could you imagine chief getting diagnosed with some sort of fucking covie std
I read your comment and then proceeded to dying
I chuckled, I cant lie
Lol I chucked then read your comment, I cant lie
I did not chuckle, but did smile, then read these comments
I chuckled when you all chuckled, then i smiled
I aggressively blew air through my nose, then I read these comments. Can’t lie.
I read both of your comments and am under oath and are not legally allowed to lie.
The Grumpies=Grunt Herpes
Wort Wort Warts
Season 2. Let’s all petition Paramount for this right now.
"Chief care to explain what you're doing with those grunts?"
"Sir, giving the covenant back their crabs"
Ha! Cause Unggoy have crustacean evolutionary heritage!
You're a legend, and never let anyone tell you different. This comment is criminally under rated.
Cheif gonna get Wortwortworts
“Help! I was their prisoner!
You have some really great hair for a prisoner…
“I just threw this together”
"Master Chief is a *human*, he's not a *machine* - Kiki Wolfkill
This petty officer needs to be court-martialled ASAP for *fraternising* with the enemy...in 7 different positions, while his mommy's clone AI watches away from near the copy machine.
This has to be a bootleg adult parody version of Halo, because no competent writer, artist or producer even remotely familiar with the source material would do that, or approve that, even in an alternate timeline (and even George Lucas' realised when he went too far).
I hope they put it on CW next season, just to increase its chances of cancellation because I'd rather have no live action version of Halo, than an abomination of a product. I don't mean the cast & crew any ill will though - But it's clear they are not at all familiar with the material in sense that they can accurately pinpoint other pieces of content as sources of inspiration.
- Halo has always been a mix of Alien, Starship Troopers, Battlestar Galactica & Band of Brothers for its video game series....or District 9. That's it. It's military sci-fiction, with some political & tactical intrigue. It's even in the behind the scenes documentary for the games.
- Even if you are from the TV world, you can even take inspiration from Expanse, Foundation, Westworld for visual themes if the tonal direction needs to be 343 gritty, instead of "fun"; but do not dilute the intricacies of the source material to serve a product "designed for NFL players or soccer moms" (in the disgraceful words of David Benioff & Dan Weiss, from Game of Thrones).
- Go full Edge of Tomorrow with it, make five or six, not 10 episodes - But each of them should be of high quality. That's what the money is for. Use volume technology. Prosthetics & animatronics.
> Arcane was written from scratch - and it only had a barebones video game lore to back it's story. Halo has a expanded universe & novels ffs.
Martin O'Donnell is extremely lucky to have his theme not show up in this.
>in 7 different positions, while his mommy's clone AI watches away from near the copy machine.
Did the scene actually play out like that?
Even though my response is hyperbolic in tone, it's just a slight exaggeration of what ends up happening. 😔🤦
She is known as Cucktana now
An alien race more technologically advanced than humans... That doesn't know about hygiene? lol
But do they comprehend their own stolen technology? Also why would aliens know anything about human biology. They barely understand how the halo rings work...
To be fair if I were in a war with an alien race I’d research their biology to understand how to kill them most efficiently.
Then tell me why Grunts don't try to shoot Chiefs balls all the time. Checkmate.
How do you know they don’t?
Good point. Maybe Chief wears the iron thong for a reason...
Grunts have testicles on their booba
Well you would expect one treats scales differently than skin
The aztecs had far better hygiene than the spaniards when they arrived
What exactly would be so crazy about an alien race with completely different needs not being hygienic to our human standards?
Ooohwee, just like the games I ‘member.
I expected this from a mass effect tv show, not halo.
Between this, and the whole “touched an ancient alien artifact and got a vision,” and the reference to Commander Shepard in the first episode, I’m pretty damn suspicious that the writers thought they were supposed to write a plot for a mass effect show and by the time they found out the truth it was too late so they just changed some character and location names around in the script and *voila,* Halo.
Did you also notice that the first episode is practically a point for point remake of the first mission to Eden Prime? Right down to the main character getting mysterious visions from an ancient alien artifact.
Can't wait for the invetiable mass effect show that starts off an a ring in space.
"They call it, Ha- erhm... Massive Affect?"
The Ass Effect
(Don't look up that sub)
Or do, you know, for science.
I had no intentions of looking it up until you said I shouldnt do it
edit: oh god I made a mistake
Yeah, they even picked up an annoying angry chick while on ~~Eden Prime~~ Madrigal.
Ah, a fellow Alenko fan I see.
Funny thing is I saved Ashley and she gets better later on but in 1 she’s kind of insufferable.
Picard S1 stole a lot from Mass Effect too. Evil AI incompatible with organic life. The ship even reminded me of a ME ship.
Something tells me that Paramount tried working out a deal on a Mass Effect show, and that fell through. So they just used the scripts written for that, & incorporated them into the other sci fi content they had in production.
Henry Cavill posted on IG a while back him reading a barely legible script. Some internet sleuths found it was about Quarians. So who knows what's happening there. But that was two years ago and there was a script then.
The big bad of season 1 was basically just reapers in dark space
I know that is an interesting theory. Or? And hear me out. They writers just don’t know what halo is outside of what they’re kids told them about and watching a montage on YouTube
And by montage it was probably some 12 year old’s “MLG PRO” montage of poorly edited gameplay footage with all the deaths cut out. And with a *lot* of teabagging, which would explain why Chief is already clapping cheeks.
Step 1: Gather Halo highlight clips
Step 2: Add a rich filter, vignette
Step 3: Slap some “Breaking Benjamin” over that bad boy
Step 4: ????
Step 5: PROFIT!
Lmaoooo yep read my mind
I'd love a Mass Effect show.. but then again it would probably be butchered to the Attican Traverse and back
We may find out, supposedly Amazon is working on one.
I have literally zero faith in any existing IP anymore. The whole industry is “let’s make a show, only thing is our show sucks so no one would ever watch it, so let’s slap an existing, beloved, IP on to it to trick that fan base into watching it. Then let’s feign toxicity when they inevitably hate it”
IPs are commodities now, if the original creator isn’t overseeing it, chances are it will suck.
The actor even seems a better fit for Shepard
I now belive this theory
The fact that I'd actually almost believe this..
Bro no joke me and my friends watched Picard season 1 when it came out and among *many* absurdities in the show we found how eerily similar the overall plot was to mass effect. Hidden ancient alien device showing past destructions of civilizations at the hands of creepy extragalactic machines that want to wipe out organic life.
It's like Paramount+ just got a copy of mass effect 1 and just just decided to slap it's plot and themes onto previously established sci Fi franchises.
Holy fucking shit
The under suit even looks quite mass effect like.
HOLY CRAP! Thats what been in the back of my head.
This shows plot is pretty much Mass Effect 1.
Special Forces find ancient Alien artifact and craziness happens.
Don't insult Mass Effect 1 like this. Mass Effect 1 had world bulding light years better than whatever this show is trying to do.
oh my god, this show would've made much more sense as a mass effect IP. maybe the writers couldnt license their story for mass effect and settled for halo, without reworking it lol
I’m beginning to think the adapters put the wrong title on the show.
This is what happens when showrunners decide they want to grab up refugee Game of Thrones fans.
Lmao. Refugee GoT fans is golden
They aren't refugees. They are r/freefolk
its the witchering from netflix all over again
Except the Witcher is already a sexed up game. Based off sexed up books. Halo is... Not? There's really no other way to word that one. It's just not designed as a sexy universe.
>It's just not designed as a sexy universe.
Have you seen the Gravemind?
You're right, but like that's one character. Name a single other creature as hot as gravemind in the games
Edit: I said as hot as gravemind. Come on, nobody is that smoking hot, not even halo 4 cortana with her big mommy stompers (feet)
Bro, you knew this was comming:
Halo 4 cortana......'s feet.
Cortana, The Arbiter, Atriox, master beef, captain Cutter *and most of the halo wars 2 cast*, Olympia Vale, all the spartan 4s in their Gen 2 armor. Kat, yap yap the destroyer, Linda and Kelly in their Gen 2 armor,
Edit: how could could I forget Seargent Major Avery "I Know what the ladies like" Johnson.
>lists a bunch of "humans"
Fuckin normies smh
Johnson ain't human, he's a marine.
Tell me you never heard of Yapyap without telling me you never heard of Yapyap.
Tartarus could most definitely smash
At least sex scenes are something that is pretty in character for the Witcher. This is the equivalent of putting sex scenes in Star Wars but for some reason feels a lot worse.
It'd be like space marines in 40k having sex with the space nuns. It's just such an awful decision.
It feels bad because the writing is garbage, the relationship between makee and Pablo-117 is incredibly forced, inorganic, and rushed.
No fucking way they pulled this shit. Master Chef is hauling a fucking *dumpster truck sized* ass, not whatever pathetic bs this is.
Unbelievable how much disrespect the show runners have for the source material
If we take Halo Reach's into account. All Spartans are T H I C C as fuck.
Need more info
Damn I forgot how mutch Kat was packin
The duality of man: the choice between Cortana’s boobs or Kat’s ass.
Halo 4 Cortana to be more specific
But Cortana also has an ass 😩 oh it’s so hard for me to choose.
Cortana has an ass, Kat has a dump truck, they are not the same
What the fuck am I reading lmao
From an OG halo fans standpoint, like people who've played since the original came out, this series makes no sense
Imagine being a lore fan.
We were thankful it was declared non-canon.
i had a conversation about to my friends
why even make a chief series in the first place then?
why cant it be a random spartan from the spartan II program?
the possibilities were endless, like really. But...
We're stuck with this for another season
I love how series enjoyers will be like "you don't know the lore or you'd like the show" and I'm like excuse me, care to show me where in the lore Jimmy Rings puts his penis in a member of the covenant? I must have missed the novel where the Chief destroys Arby's sangussy.
"Sangussy" both a word that's got me howling
And that I never ever want to read again
At least it's not San'Shyuussy.
Even if this show was supposed to be canon, I would refuse to acknowledge it as such.
But can Cortana be like:
Master Chief you have to change the angle of the tongue by 12 degrees…..
"Calculating most efficient thrust vector"
"Chief increase speed by 23%"
I was positive about the show till last episode
This one was cringefest, and now I don’t even care. Just fire the halo rings and kill everyone.
Nah, make it more of a spectacle. Release the gravemind and let it consume the galaxy.
Yhis i would be on board with. Turn this shit into a flood zombie survival
I wouldn’t be surprised if they made the Flood just some generic zombies instead of a hive mind based on how this show is going tbh
Ah fuck... all to save budget right?
Honestly I’m still kind of excited to see the flood because while they have butchered quite a bit the Covenant has been handled great so far if you ignore their lack of screentime. I just wish they would do a better job of showing what an imminent existential threat they are, the glassed planet this episode was a step in the right direction but I still don’t feel like they’ve really established that Humanity is fighting a war for survival against a superior force that wants them wiped out.
Just get the covenant to have a dance-off with the Spartans to Beyonce's "Halo" since that has similar levels of relevance and the same amount of attention to lore
Settle down everything is bad except for Kai!
Some of these screenshots seem like they're from Mass Effect lol
Wouldn't be surprised to find out that one pic is someone in camera mode checkin out tali
Every day we stray further from God.
Lord please just take me now
This is actually a reference to that scene in Halo combat evolved where master chief has sex. Master chief also has sex in Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Wars, and can be seen having sex in Halo Reach if you look through a window in one of the maps.
I love using the pistol in sex 1 but the launcher in sex 2 is way better
Is it with Cortana and his suit?
Constantly, its the secret to his combat prowess, never ending post nut clarity
Yes, Cortana has a jerk-off module installed on his suit.
Yes and if you look closely into the visor it’s on PH
Play the monastic singing at 3x speed and it's just sexually charged moaning.
I assume you're talking about Cortana using his suit to jack him off, which is 100% cannonically accurate.
Nah he was talking about the secret Arbiter sex scene that you can unlock in Halo 2.
The show’s plot is, apparently, ass.
“Chief, mind telling what you’re doing in that cell?”
“Sir, finishing this fight.”
So they finally answered the question *”Does the Master Chief clap cheeks”*
When are we going to see some Arbiter cheeks
How about any amount of Arbiter at all?
Never gonna happen, the covenant have MacKenzie now.
The Arbiter stops the war by twerking his way to victory. The entire Covenant give up their religion for the message of dat ass.
Or Prophet cheeks
Or Atriox ass
Or the gravemind tentacles
Or an actual Halo show.
Wait what scene was the second to last photo with the leather pants from
13:05 from the latest ep.
I saw it just watched the episode. I straight up think that was a stunt ass. This is unbelievable. That actress don't got a booty like that
She do tho
The one thing I learned from this: there is one alien on high charity who is a barber
i bet its either a drone or an engineer, them extra appendages make short work of the hair.
Look, if we’re gonna go this way, can we get a female elite at least? Or have someone fuck a jackal ship mistress? Like, give us 4K alien porn with heavy attention to detail. If we wanted human on human we have better stories on pornhub.
Chief spends more time naked than in his armor. A futuristic military force lets it's officer sleep with a pow and spend the night in her cell. This same military force flies light years to secure a site, fails to pull security, doesnt bring air support, places it's assets all in one place, and has the leadership experience of a group of Kindergarteners.
Who writes this cra? A squad of boot camp privates could take on this entire military force with minimal effort and succeed
What if the writers are former Russian military?
Alex Kurtzman and his cronies.
They already wrecked Star Trek, now it's on to another science fiction franchise.
Id have expected better from a Sci fi written. I feel like the writing is lazy due to budget maybe and lack of caring
It's entirely lack of caring. You can do amazing things with small budgets. Like Forward Unto Dawn.
Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.
The Flood: Origins
God help us
Sorry, forgot to renew my PornHub subscription so I haven't seen the latest episode, can't speak on the quality of them cheeks
right from the beginning, i felt that the show had potential. sure, it had its share of fuckups here and there, maybe a bit more than its share, but no matter, i believed in it. i always thought “just wait ‘till next episode, u/glitchii-uwu, it’ll get better.” every episode i thought it had been the worst of it, and that we were almost through to the good stuff, the action, the lore. i was very tolerant of the shit it did wrong, but now. oh. now? fuck this. im not watching this anymore. theres literally no way the writers can unfuck this in the last episode, let alone a second season if it ever gets one. what the fuck did they think they were writing? mass effect? at least that would have been good compared to what we have now. just change out the characters, the locations, the ships etc., it would be fine. but not as a halo show.
Asscheeks dont make up for a shitty story
Cant think of the story when im jackin off to Master Cheeks and Gender/Species swapped Arbite.ahem Makee
Don't forget Cucktona watchin from the corner with pizza.
People keep mentioning this part but I haven’t seen it in a clip or screenshot to laugh at 😢
All we need now is Clap-Clap the Destroyer to create a love/booty triangle with him, fake-117 and the chick. “Once you go Yap, you gonna get clapped”
Ain't no one complaining about the *PLOT*
We're complaining about the PLOT
This show deserves all the hate honestly
The thought of master chief having sex with anyone REALLY rubs me the wrong way. It just feels so wrong for someone like him
It's sure rubbing him the *right* way
I knew I should have phrased this differntly
It would only feel right if it were with the Arbiter. Master Cheeks about to clap some Sangussy.
Imagine being the guy playing chief, at first when he signed on he was probably hyped, imagining all the dope action scenes and one liners he could say, Then you show up to set and the director is like "strip naked we need some ass shots of you and cortana in the shower"
Why couldn't they have just done something like Halo Reach?!
Ok but why did they put so much focus on Kai's ass in that scene tho
That is a great ass though
Because she's only human if we can ogle her./s
This comment section is the best fucking thing I've seen in a long time. Fap on, you crazy Spartans, fap on.
Cortana... I need a tissue.
My issue isn't the sex, it's whatever, but like....what the fuck is up with both her and chief changing alliances every 10 minutes
why is the reach leadership such idiots
Hold on there is a halo TV show?
No, there isn't. Don't look for it.
Not my halo
Where my Halo gone? 😢
It's a cockring now.
They turk err halo
Aren't Spartans supposed to be like genetically engineered with the sole purpose of being machines of war? Like so much so that they have zero sex drive or need for anything other than killing, carrying out missions and saving humanity?
I’m not defending the show, but Spartans have canonically been in romantic relationships before and Randall Aiken even had a daughter. The sex drive thing is just a potential side effect in terms of being suppressed. Not even zero. I believe the evidence is found in Halsey’s journal.
ThIs iS tHe SiLvEr TiMeLiNe
This is our punishment for not upgrading to gold.
Not engineered, modified
I wanna see spartan ass, but that ass better still be in uniform
Why can’t I just have what I’ve always wanted, a halo tv horror show with the flood in live action, you would win tv awards with that but they wanna make butt stuff a thing
Time to go on the holy journey and activate the ring.
So next season will be her having the Chief's baby?
Next game will be a mobile version only!!!
Halo Baby Battle
Customize your baby Spartan with tons of mictotransactions!
This a Sci-fi game with a Halo Branded Skin pack
Is the show that bad?!
So this is how the chief fucks the Covenant in the show.
Did the showrunners forget they are writing for Halo and not Mass Effect?