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Story time: I worked with a nurse who was from Italy in the operating theatre and one day, whilst positioning a patient for surgery, she managed to break her arm. It was horrible and she couldn't get any words out at all, just stood still and really quiet. Then the sister came in and she was rushed over to x-ray and trauma to have it pinned and plated. A month later she's back in with a sling and we all got to talking and of course what happened came up. We'd all assumed that she'd stayed so quiet due to pain and shock, but it turns out she couldn't say anything without gesturing and she didn't want to move her arm. Gesturing is life for Italians
If you do, just consider that someone will inevitably pull out on the day. You may be invited to fill the space, given you’d be in the country. Be ready to say no.
Well my girlfriend is trying to raise the question if her brothers and dad are pulling out then surely that makes space for me?
But in all fairness I really don’t want to go so I’m hoping it just fades away
You don’t want to go to the wedding and you’ve already said you’d like to see Italy… seems like your just chewing wasps to me.
Go and enjoy Italy and enjoy not going to a wedding you don’t want to go to is the obvious answer.
Being angry over something that's not worth being angry for or has no sense.
That's how I understand it.
Probably comes from the phrase 'Bulldog chewing a wasp' if I had to venture a guess.
It absolutely does come from there but that’s not exactly what it means and I’m not really sure it was used in the right context above. It’s usually used to refer to someone’s facial expression - looking like a bulldog chewing on a wasp, sucking on lemons, etc. Just means the person looks really angry, displeased, a screwed up facial expression.
The idiom the previous commenter was getting at was probably more along the lines of cutting off your nose to spite your face.
I see it as turning a minor annoyance into a massive pain.
Wasp buzzing around is annoying, but to get so angry and snap into into your mouth, seems to create more pain for yourself than the original annoyance.
I am sure that if he is going with the girlfriend then she will find a way out of no where to bring him at weeding is well, would love to see the further update from OP on that.
It’s just a budget and space thing. If each guest costs them €100 (realistic), they are effectively asking themselves if they want to spend €100 euros on each of the guests. It makes you get real about the invitations. Personally, I’d be over there like a shot, hire a bike, and ride each day that your girlfriend is busy. Absolute bliss.
For the holiday aspect, sure, but I'm referring to the wedding itself. When you get married, some costs are fairly fixed, like the venue, and some costs are per head. A three course meal, table wine, part of the wedding cake plus some pizza or whatever in the late evening could easily be €100. Every man and his dog wants some other person to be invited, like your mum wants her cousins or whatever. What at first seems like a massive capacity of say 120 for the venue soon gets full, and your budget is bursting at the seams. So the way to whittle down the numbers is for the bride and groom to sit down and literally go through the list.
"What about Brad?"
"Well I know he's my uncle, but he's a racist knobhead, and an obnoxious drunk"
"He's out"
"What about Alice? I mean I like her, but would you spend €100 euros on her?"
"Nope"
"Out"
Etc.
One thing i am sure that if a girlfriend try to do something like that more often than not they will get succeed is well, so i am seeing you are going into the weeding.
Honestly I think it's an AH move to try to persuade someone to invite extra guests to their wedding. It's their wedding, not yours, not your girlfriend's. Respect their choices, let them have their day. Go to Italy if you want, don't go, whatever. But don't try to strongarm people into having your idea of appropriate guests at their wedding.
You want a wedding with partners there? Have your own wedding and invite all the partners.
If that happens prepare for massive fallout from both the people who have boycotted and the people who had to leave their partners at home. You’d be in the eye of the storm for months, mate.
Go see the stuff you’re into but she isn’t. My gf having a ladies only tea while we visited London is the only reason I was able to visit the War Museum 🪖
I would arrange to travel either the day of the wedding or the day after. Your girlfriend's going to be involved with wedding details before. Meet up and have your holiday after the wedding.
I was never overly looking forward to the wedding anyway, I’m arsed with weddings and arsed with socialising but I never thought of it that way until I’ve seen a few of the comments on here!
We also have a little boy now who will be one at the time of the wedding. My mum was planning on babysitting for the duration but to be fair we’ve been thinking of making a road trip out of it and taking him with us. Seen as he’s not invited either we can have a little explore father and son 👌🏻
As a parent of a one year old, if your mum is offering to babysit for the duration of the trip? I strongly suggest you lock that down and enjoy a the break.
You get to go to Italy, avoid a wedding AND someone else will look after your 1 year old?
I’m not seeing your issue here.
Snap that offer up asap, leave the kid at home and get yourself a Negroni in the sun somewhere.
Maybe, and great for him if that’s the case.
I just think free time is at a premium with a one year old, so would jump at the chance of a free week. He’s got years ahead to take his child places. An opportunity for a genuine break with no responsibilities would be too good for me to pass up.
Each to their own though.
Yeah idk, I don't think I could leave my kids when they're 1 with anyone except my wife for a whole week. 48h is probably my max limit. To be without either parent for a whole week at that age by choice seems a bit much.
Do you mean not arsed? Just wondering. Never heard anyone use that term the way you're using it.
It almost sounds ideal for you two, because it means you can take your son and just have a holiday where part of the time your wife is off doing something else. Might create friction with the ones who've refused to go, though.
It's not a great decision on the part of the couple getting married. With a destination wedding it's reasonable to expect people to want to bring their partners with them - they might not be able to afford a holiday together that year if they have to go separately, and at least you have your son to take around and show things and have some father-son time - if all you can manage is a four day break it'd be weird to spend half of that alone.
cant be arsed is an expression, ~~can be arsed is not.~~ edit; massively wrong with this as pointed out by u/flyte_of_foot lol, OPs phrasing "im arsed with weddings" doesn't sound right at all though
OP acknowledges elsewhere in the thread he hates weddings, so hes definitely just getting the expression wrong lol
Hanging out with a toddler in a new place is awesome. They make great exploration buddies because they have no agenda, and if you just go with the toddler flow you wind up doing and seeing cool things
Yes. And no.
Yes, depending on the kid, they're happy just hanging out.
No, because there's so much "just in case" stuff you have to cart around. They need to take naps. If they're grumpy, they're grumpy . At accom can be trickier.
And, at 1 year old, they're not going to remember a bloody thing.
I don't really understand why you're annoyed about not being invited if you didn't want to go anyway. Or why you'd try to stop your girlfriend from going. Maybe the cousin senses you don't really like this kind of occasion and didn't want to waste money on you.
I don’t know, the tone of the OP didn’t seem that annoyed to me, just that it seemed pretty rude of the cousin, which I agreed with, I’ve never heard of anyone doing that with wedding invites before
The chance that someone this self centred about their special magical wedding will limit the festivities and the imposition on the bridesmaids to one day is about 0.05%.
How do you know they’re self centred? Isn’t it more likely that an Italian wedding is extremely expensive and they want the people that are dearest to them there, not their partners?
Also, if you can’t be self centred on your wedding day, when can you be?!
I appreciate that the wedding will be expensive, but the daft thing is and what I’m trying to raise on another few comments here is that the partners are nearest and dearest and can’t wrap my head around the invites.
I personally can understand myself not being invited as I don’t know her as well as the others. But the other partners of my girlfriend’s brothers have literally gone to school with the bride and were once upon a time close friends. And I really feel for them being pushed out, money aside
Which is their right but they can't be surprised when a good proportion of the people they do want there end up not wanting to go to an event their partners have been told they aren't welcome at. Especially when you are expecting people to fly to another country.
>I appreciate that the wedding will be expensive, but the daft thing is and what I’m trying to raise on another few comments here is that the partners are nearest and dearest and can’t wrap my head around the invites
To be honest I wouldn't go unless the week can be more then the wedding. Go out with the others, have time with the girlfriend etc. Going to Italy would just be wasted money.
Never went to my aunt's for this reason. Didn't have a +1 and couldn't take my partner. So we went to the party once they were back.
Because if partners are there no one socialises. I don’t necessarily agree with it but for people who value that sort of thing it can be annoying when everyone is partnered up.
I don’t think so. I love my friends. Some of their partners are arseholes. Why would I give up a friend being there so a partner I don’t care about (and might not be in either of our lives forever)
Because your friends family is a major part of who they are and it’s just kind of a package deal.
If you’re going to be friends with someone then you are going to have to be polite and respectful towards their partner and children. Or else they won’t be friends with you any longer.
Would you seriously be friends with someone who doesn’t want to put any effort into forming some kind of relationship with your husband/wife/children?
Lots of weddings are kid free, so that's not weird at all.
If you're paying tens of thousands of pounds for a wedding, why should you need to *put up* with something tbh?
You have to draw a line somewhere with your guest list. This is where their line is. It's really not anybody else's choice but the couple who are getting married.
Each to their own but if you've got the money to have an expensive wedding in Italy then you should be able to accommodate the partner's of your closest friends, provided they've been going out a while and aren't just two weeks into the relationship. It's ultimately her day but still customary to be respectable to your guests, especially when they're jetting off to another country and probably paying a fair bit to go.
I mean the money stops somewhere. They might be able to afford this type of wedding because they've excluded people and kept it small. I know a few people who've had an expensive but very small wedding abroad.
This is the problem about weddings and why I’ve cancelled my big wedding. How dare you say someone is “self centred” for inviting who they want to their wedding? The entitlement of people when it comes to other people’s weddings is absolutely insane. Opinions like yours is one of the reasons I cancelled my wedding.
I’d say the self-centred ones in this situation are those people demanding that the couple gives them a day of food, drink and partying at their expense and thinking that the couple don’t have the right to set limits on who comes to their own wedding.
Maybe they can't afford to cater for all the +1s, and are probably as gutted by this as you are as most folk want more folk to share the day. But it's in Italy you cry. Aye, it's their dream for their dream day. mn I've known a few friends having to make this painful decision, and it's quite heartbreaking.
I agree - I think it's hard to empathise unless you've gone through the wedding planning process yourself. Everyone has their priorities and their view of a dream wedding, and it seems here that the location has priority over the headcount.
I understand why OP feels like they're being excluded, but I think they can take a positive spin on it by travelling as well and making a trip out of it with the other partners, or stay home, save some money and do something together locally! I don't think this is something to be taken personally at all
Yeah I was going to say this, they probably made a rule to no +1 which saves them on 30ppl. Can you imagine going to a wedding and being told you could not take you other half, then being sat down to a +1 who has only met them numerous times. It’s hard to have one rule for someone and another for someone else.
Having got married last year I have now realised that the perfect guest is the person who turns up on time and is as little hassle as possible.
>Can you imagine going to a wedding and being told you could not take you other half, then being sat down to a +1 who has only met them numerous times.
Yes. That's an entirely reasonable thing to happen. Extending plus 1s to family but not friends, for example, is not uncommon. Its not all or nothing.
tbh I'd just say No +1s and then invite *by name* the couples who I want to attend. If I know your partner and I'm happy for them to attend, they get an invite. If I don't, then you can come but leave your partner at home. If I don't know your partner then I'm not paying for them to attend my wedding.
I get not wanting/being able to give out a bunch of plus ones to all the guests but telling your own father and brother that their partners of over five years aren't welcome at your wedding is super weird.
Just seems like a sure fire way to create some bad blood in the family. And I hope the bride is prepared for if brother or father do get married in the future to get her invitation with "no plus one" written on it.
Edit: Someone pointed out that I had misread the post and it is OP's gf's father and brother not the bride's so not as weird as I thought.
It could be a limited numbers package.
When I got married we paid for a package and got to have 50 day guests and an additional 50 evening guests.
There were plenty of people I had to leave out that I wanted to have there and it was massively gutting. There was one guy who came to my stag but didn't even make the 100 because that list just fills up before you know what's happening.
My golden rule with weddings is that it is the couples day and they get to make whatever rules they want to and that should be respected.
I think I would change my view to no-one is really in the wrong here. The happy couple are absolutely entitled to invite whomever they want (whether it's a cost thing or a keeping it intimate thing doesn't really matter) but the people invited are entitled to not want to go without their partners.
Anyone organising a wedding abroad should be aware they are gonna get some (potentially a lot) of people who can't attend so the bride/groom may well already be fully prepared for any people who decline the invitation.
OP could well be thinking it is a bigger deal than it is. The gf's father/brother (brides uncle/cousin) may well decline the invitation and get a "no problem, we understand not everyone will be able to come" in reply.
It’s pretty boring at a wedding if you don’t know anyone else (sounds like everyone OP knows is boycotting) and your partner is in the bridal party. Will get shoved on a table of spares in the corner.
My bf came to my best friends wedding and he was sat on the main table with me (and the bride and groom). I think if you were a good host you’d try to make sure your bridesmaids are with their partners, especially if they didn’t know anyone.
Typically you invite the +1s you know, and otherwise say "no +1s" on the invitation. It's not "no couples", it's "no couples we haven't specifically invited", otherwise you end up having to spend a lot of money on catering etc. for people you don't know to attend your wedding. I'd do exactly the same in their position. The bride and groom have final say on who does and doesn't get invited to the wedding, like it or lump it. It's their day, their money, their choice of guests. Turn up or don't turn up, it's your choice, but you don't get to dictate who should be allowed at someone else's wedding.
It's HER wedding and she wants to invite who she wishes.
She probably wants to keep numbers very small, weddings are incredibly expensive and maybe she has her heart set on a small place.
IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.
I can't believe her dad and brothers would boycott her wedding! That's so incredibly selfish.
They are absolutely entitled to invite who they want just as anyone invited, including the brother and father are entitled to not go if they don't want to. Especially as they are expecting people to fly to another country and leave their families behind. They are being no more selfish than she is.
If I was invited to a wedding where it was made clear my partner was not welcome then I wouldn't be going either.
Edit: You are aware that it is OP's gf's father and brother not the bride's? Just checking as I misread it as the bride's brother and father at first.
Yeah I don’t understand this view of people being selfish for saying they don’t want to fly to Italy to attend a wedding when they’d have to leave their partner at home with the kids
It's her wedding and she can set whatever rules she likes, but that doesn't mean everyone has to blindly go along with it. They should be entirely free to make up their own minds whether to attend or not. It's self centered to think otherwise.
> I can't believe her dad and brothers would boycott her wedding! That's so incredibly selfish.
Not wanting to spend hundreds of £££s travelling to and staying in Italy, when you can't do it with your partner, isn't selfish.
>IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.
If he goes is. That's what he is asking.
>I can't believe her dad and brothers would boycott her wedding! That's so incredibly selfish
It's not. My partner and I are a team. I wouldn't go without her, especially if it was a whole other country. Maybe a evening or something in the uk but that takes my annual leave from work on something my other half can't be a part of.
It's not her dad and brothers. It's the bride's aunt, uncle and cousins who were invited without their partners so are not going.
Would my wife go to a family wedding without me? No chance. Not inviting the unit is just rude.
Invite a closer circle of family if you can't afford to invite cousins and aunts with their partners or they won't fit in the venue. You can't just pick and choose which bits of families you get to invite (exceptions for no kids is different, of course).
This is just classic bridezilla.
Eh, while it is completely up to the person to invite who they wish, it's also up to the people invited on whether they want to go or not. It's completely fine for them to not go if they don't want to. I wouldn't call it selfish at all.
I don't get it, why can't you be separated from your family for 24 hours? Are you a labrador?
Being left alone at home is a chance to gorge yourself on crisps and marathon LOTR without anyone interrupting you.
People have every right to invite who they want to a wedding for whatever reason.
But people also have every right to not attend a wedding for whatever reason.
I think not inviting plus ones to keep costs down/numbers down is completely reasonable.
But I also think not wanting to spend a small fortune to fly to another country without your SO is also completely reasonable.
I've done this. My partner was invited to a wedding for a close friend group in his home country but didn't get a plus one for me (totally understandable, didn't personally know the couple well). So the day of the wedding, I went to the city, did all the shopping I wanted, walked down to the waterfront, had lunch out, etc - then I went back to the hotel, had a 4 course dinner in their restaurant (they really looked after me) and curled up in bed watching films.
Was a fucking amazing day, really. We explored together for the rest of the holiday as we went out for a week.
This is the attitude right here. I don't get why so many people are whinging about this - there's literally nothing to prevent the partners going with them and just spending one day apart while one partner attends the wedding. If they're really terrified of exploring alone then they can chill in the hotel - nice food, a few drinks, watch some movies.... Sounds like a great time to me!
Its all very simple. Its her wedding, so its her choice. You dont have to like it, or respect it, just accept it. Fuk me, this world is full of ppl trying to tell you what to do all the time (i realise the irony here), so if someone whats their day that way, thats it. Perhaps there is a reason, perhaps she doesnt want a certain person to come, and has blanket banned partners to stop a drama
This is it. Its there day and they can do what they like.
My wife and I had a small wedding limited to 50 people which meant I didn't invite a lot of family which I thing a fair few were miffed about. I invited a few close mates but gave them the option of coming on their own or not coming. I'd have understood either way but after immediate family (parents, siblings and nieces/nephews) we only had another 25 spaces. We were gonna waste 10 of those on partners which would have meant other friends / family couldn't come.
Folk are mental when it comes to weddings. Do what you want, invite whi you want and if people don't accept that and don't come that's one them.
In the same vein, it's also fine to respectively decline an invitation to a wedding or even to be in the wedding party if you can't manage it. No need to "boycott". Especially if it's a destination wedding!
You just decide whether you can and want to go as per the invitation and then politely rsvp your decision. It's an invitation not a summons.
TBF (esp if the bride is paying for stuff) I get only wanting certain people on your special day. But that’s what it is, a special *day*. No reason for you to not go anyway and explore with your GF on the other days you’re there.
When my sister had her wedding she had the no partners rule with some exceptions because of numbers. Wedding are expensive with limited numbers if they are having a small wedding I wouldn't be offended. If ita a 300 person wedding it would be different.
Weddings suck, especially when your partner is in the bridal party as you barely see them. You end up mingling with people you don’t really want to talk too all day.
This is a gift, go explore Italy.
I think its strange not inviting partners who are well established but it’s their wedding and their decision. It isn’t your girlfriend’s fault they’ve made that decision so she shouldn’t feel pressured to boycott if she wants to go.
I’d never pressure her into anything. If she wants to boycott then that’s her choice. If she goes to the wedding then that’s her choice too, I’ll never begrudge whatever choice she makes
Weddings are expensive as fuck and everyone has to draw a line someone in who is and isn't invited. Boycotting because people are annoyed that they can't bring a +1 is super childish.
Or you could do the same at the time of your wedding is well, but there is no need to create some issue here, their big day so let them make all their decision is well
You're being weird about it. Weddings are EXPENSIVE. Each person could cost them upwards of £100. If every partner was invited that's essentially doubling their guest count, making their wedding full of people they either barely know or who don't really mean that much to them.
I'll be honest, I barely invited my cousins to our wedding and would not have entertained inviting their partners too, let alone their kids. We had a rule that the partner had to be in a very long term relationship or married, eg my aunt and uncle were obviously invited together but my cousin's boyfriend, not so much. It's weird and petty that your girlfriend's dad and brother won't just graciously accept a day to celebrate their niece's / cousin's relationship while being fed and entertained for free, but instead have chosen to piss all over the bride and groom's hospitality. In fact my husband has been invited to a wedding later this year without me and I didn't give it a second thought, apart from to assume it was a small wedding and they didn't have the budget to stretch to plus ones.
I would just accept it. They're paying for it, it's their wedding and it's their choice. To be honest I think it's sort of ridiculous people are boycotting someones wedding over not being able to bring their SO. It's expensive to cater to double the amount of people, so why bother? She's not your cousin, so it shouldn't matter to you, seems like she wants immediate family. Especially it being in Italy, it won't be cheap.
Also, a wedding is one day, not the entirety of your stay in Italy. I think this is showing how self absorbed some people are to think they get a say in how someone's wedding day goes.
It's also expensive for guests to go to Italy. It's probably also eating into holiday allowance and it's potentially inconvient to leave a partner looking after kids on their own.
There are very valid reasons for guests to choose not to attend beyond being 'self absorbed'. I'd suggest it's actually self absorbed to suggest guests shouldn't have the option to decline an invite just because it's your wedding...
They can decline, I'm not objecting to that at all. It's the fact that OP has at least made it sound like people are boycotting ( not just declining) due to the fact they can't bring their partners. I'm sure his gfs parents don't have any kids to look after by now either.
It's their choice to attend, but by OPs description they sound self absorbed. But again, people can definitely say no for their own reasons but still be respectful.
They probably can’t afford to invite +1s all round. I was at a family wedding last year and didn’t get a +1. The families were just so big so the wedding was huge before partners were factored in.
I probably wouldn't go. I never understood the plus one thing. If a couple are both close to the bride/groom then great I'd expect them both to be invited but if not I don't see the need. I think its ok to treat people as individuals and not as half of a couple. If you don't fancy going, maybe stay home, save the money and go off on a holiday with your GF another time.
Mate... really? Your missus' cousin's wedding? and you're gutted not to be invited. a) They can invite whoever they want to their ceremony and b) you absolutely, positively need to enjoy those times when your partner goes off and does their own thing. Do whatever the fuck you want to. Want to go to Italy? then travel with your missus, take a mate maybe or agree with one of the other non-invited to go on the lash all day.
Or stay at home and make some plans with whoever you've been meaning to make plans with but don't make time for. Reach out to someone you've lost contact with but often think about (not a lass you used to fancy obviously) and see if they want to meet up. Invite your mates round and watch sport and get pissed. Or just buy a load of junk food supplies, close the curtains and build a fort for the weekend.
But... do not ever be pissy about not being invited to someone's wedding. It's their day.
It's clearly a general rule, not a personal slight, and it doesn't sound like you're close with the cousin. Sou ds like she can't afford for people she doesn't really know much at her wedding, and would rather pay for people she's actually close to. She might also think it's more appropriate since it's a destination wedding - you're more likely to be willing to pay if you actually like the couple, instead of just being invited by association.
To be fair if they are usually decent people I would be tempted to say let them have their special day and go along with their wishes, they either just want their most nearest and dearest or have cost worries, they might even have other relatives who they know would struggle to go so are taking the financial pressure off them. If your girlfriend wants to be there then you should be happy for her to go without you, even going to Italy and avoiding the wedding day may not be acceptable for the couples dream wedding.
On a side note your girlfriend should recommend that they have a bit of a night do when they get home so all those who weren't at the wedding can celebrate with them.
My wife's step-sister's wedding is coming up in a few weeks' time. Do you want to go to that? I'll go to Italy and not attend a wedding in exchange. Cheers.
Odd choice for the bride, but whatever. Maybe they can't afford to feed 2x the people or something. But whatever the bride's reason, don't make your girlfriend's life difficult over it.
Book your wedding before hers and don't invite her. Bonus points if you can do it in Italy the day before.
Edit: after reading comments go to Italy and do something else that day sounds better.
This appears to be every man's dream to be invited to a wedding somewhere hot and not have to go to the wedding.
I can't see a downside to this.
Even if you elect not to go, you will have a few days at home doing whatever you want to do.
If it was me, I'd be practising my disappointment face..... "No love, you go and enjoy yourself, I'll make the best of it...., I'm as disappointed as you, but what can you do?"
Wedding invites are tricky so I kind of get that they’ve established some “rules”. My cousin got married a few years ago and didn’t invite me or my brother, but did invite some of their other cousins which pissed me off a bit. It wasn’t even that I wanted to go, more just that I’d have felt less left out if they’d had a blanket rule on cousins.
My best friends got married shortly after I’d started seeing my partner. They were already stressing about some other invitees asking to bring new partners and politely asked if it was ok for me not to bring mine, which I was fine with. Ironically the other couples who asked to bring partners have all split up now but we’re still together.
Personally I’d just take the holiday in Italy or stay at home. I don’t think it’s worth stressing over whether you can wangle an invite. Also, if you do manage to get invited, you may feel a bit out of place being the only “partner” that’s been invited.
My brothers catering came up to £11k because he had a lot of plus ones. Had he not it probably would've been around £4-5k
This is probably what's happening here. Don't take it personally and just enjoy yourself out there
A wedding is a celebration of love, whilst yes it is celebrating a specific couples love, I don't understand why you would ban couples, I've never heard of that before.
When I plan my wedding, I want everyone to have a bloody amazing time, I don't see the point in purposefully putting roadblocks in place to lessen that chance.
I'd stay at home.
Obviously they only want close family there, not partners, spouses or hangers on. It makes sense since they have to cater for the occasion. Nobody has a 'right' to be at a wedding.
I don’t want to cause any offence here, but here goes:
The couple getting married are paying for the wedding, surely they can invite who they want to invite and not be subject to any negative repercussions.
Let them have their day, dude. Grab some beers and watch some sports, or game… or whatever… have some time to yourself.
I don't see why the brother and dad (cousin and uncle to the bride) are so bothered about partners not being invited. It would be one thing if theirs were the only ones excluded but it appears to be a blanket rule of no partners. Done so the couple can save money by effectively halving the guest list. Them boycotting is good for the couple as they save on the cost of those 2 as well. If your gf is inviting you on the trip and not the wedding, and you can afford it, and you want to go, why wouldn't you go? You'll still get to spend some of the time together, you get to do all the sightseeing you want, you don't have to attend a wedding, and you don't have to mingle with her extended family. I see only positives here. If you do somehow end up with a wedding invite and you don't want to attend you can say politely that you don't want to cause upset when the boycotters inevitably find out you went and they and their partners stayed home
Yeah, I don't get this -seems kind of rude to me but everyone's family is different I guess. Like others have said, I would just go and have a nice time in Italy without worrying about anyone else!
As in no couples at all? Only one parent allowed per side? Do they want a wholly single party where they are the only couple? Is her partner Italian and that's why they're going there? Do they not get along at all? Does she not see her aunt as family?
But to be honest, I'd go for the holiday, always wanted to travel to Italy, and sometimes it's nice exploring on your own. Doubt you'll have a shit time.
I don't want to sound rude here but for me in wedding there is nothing entertaining specially if you are little stranger so better to explore the place rather than stuck in wedding.
My husband went to a friends wedding last year and even though we’ve been together for over ten years and married for five, it was still a no partners situation purely because of cost. I wouldn’t take it personally. I’d go anyway and have a nice day by myself while she’s at the wedding.
is it possible the people in question are friends with some folk who are maybe having troubles/known for arguments/causing a scene etc but rather than exclude the friend/s whos partner is the problem specifically maybe they decided a blanket ban was better
another reason could simply be cost or venue size maye the place they have has limited seating or they dont want to pay for the extra meals drinks of all these peoples +1s
another may be that many single people invited may feel a bit odd going alone soend up "grabbing" a +1 as a sort of date, im sure few people want unknowns at their big day
all these are guesses ive never been married or even attended a wedding as an adult so ive noo idea
Eh i find this whole thing weird tbh, if they’re being tight I assume girlfriend and other guests are paying for their own hotel accommodation? Just how many bridesmaids are there that they can’t afford to feed the partners of? But also if you can’t afford loads of people at a wedding then you just don’t invite them, period. You don’t invite them and say, ‘but not your partner’ - that’s the weird bit. Like how would your cousin feel if you invited her to your own wedding in the future but told her she couldn’t bring her spouse?
Fuck the bride (not literally) but get a ticket go to Italy do as your gf said & do some exploring then just meet her after the whole wedding & have some time with just your gf in Italy.
Ohh & if you marry your gf in the end make sure the cousin gets an invite but not her partner.
I’m petty AF but I don’t care
It makes you wonder why they bother having a wedding abroad (inviting others to spend loads to get there) if they can’t afford to
Cover a couple? Inviting one half of a couple seems weird. Is the bride an influencer type?
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You get to go to Italy for a wedding and don't have to bother going to the wedding. Thats a win in my book.
Also since his girlfriend is in the bridal party she'll be really busy anyway and now he can avoid having to mingle with strangers all day.
Just have to mingle with Italian strangers instead.
But not be expected to talk to them
I can't do enough gesturing.
🤌
That’s easy. Just wave you hands and shout nonsense words that end in vowels. You’ll fit right in.
Story time: I worked with a nurse who was from Italy in the operating theatre and one day, whilst positioning a patient for surgery, she managed to break her arm. It was horrible and she couldn't get any words out at all, just stood still and really quiet. Then the sister came in and she was rushed over to x-ray and trauma to have it pinned and plated. A month later she's back in with a sling and we all got to talking and of course what happened came up. We'd all assumed that she'd stayed so quiet due to pain and shock, but it turns out she couldn't say anything without gesturing and she didn't want to move her arm. Gesturing is life for Italians
I’m genuinely not sure if this is a joke. Could go either way, lol.
Not a joke, she genuinely told us when she came in how she couldn't think of how to speak without gesturing so she just stayed still and silent.
Note to self: to silence an Italian, tie their hands behind their back.
It’s all in the wrist.
Well yeah, never thought of it like that, I’m arsed about weddings tbh 😂
If you do, just consider that someone will inevitably pull out on the day. You may be invited to fill the space, given you’d be in the country. Be ready to say no.
Well my girlfriend is trying to raise the question if her brothers and dad are pulling out then surely that makes space for me? But in all fairness I really don’t want to go so I’m hoping it just fades away
You don’t want to go to the wedding and you’ve already said you’d like to see Italy… seems like your just chewing wasps to me. Go and enjoy Italy and enjoy not going to a wedding you don’t want to go to is the obvious answer.
What's chewing wasps mean? I feel like I've heard the spirit of this term before
Being angry over something that's not worth being angry for or has no sense. That's how I understand it. Probably comes from the phrase 'Bulldog chewing a wasp' if I had to venture a guess.
It absolutely does come from there but that’s not exactly what it means and I’m not really sure it was used in the right context above. It’s usually used to refer to someone’s facial expression - looking like a bulldog chewing on a wasp, sucking on lemons, etc. Just means the person looks really angry, displeased, a screwed up facial expression. The idiom the previous commenter was getting at was probably more along the lines of cutting off your nose to spite your face.
I kind of like using the term chewing wasps that way. Like you’re deliberately chewing them just to make yourself feel bad for no reason.
I see it as turning a minor annoyance into a massive pain. Wasp buzzing around is annoying, but to get so angry and snap into into your mouth, seems to create more pain for yourself than the original annoyance.
I am sure that if he is going with the girlfriend then she will find a way out of no where to bring him at weeding is well, would love to see the further update from OP on that.
It’s just a budget and space thing. If each guest costs them €100 (realistic), they are effectively asking themselves if they want to spend €100 euros on each of the guests. It makes you get real about the invitations. Personally, I’d be over there like a shot, hire a bike, and ride each day that your girlfriend is busy. Absolute bliss.
I bet the guests are spending a lot more than €100!
For the holiday aspect, sure, but I'm referring to the wedding itself. When you get married, some costs are fairly fixed, like the venue, and some costs are per head. A three course meal, table wine, part of the wedding cake plus some pizza or whatever in the late evening could easily be €100. Every man and his dog wants some other person to be invited, like your mum wants her cousins or whatever. What at first seems like a massive capacity of say 120 for the venue soon gets full, and your budget is bursting at the seams. So the way to whittle down the numbers is for the bride and groom to sit down and literally go through the list. "What about Brad?" "Well I know he's my uncle, but he's a racist knobhead, and an obnoxious drunk" "He's out" "What about Alice? I mean I like her, but would you spend €100 euros on her?" "Nope" "Out" Etc.
You can't 'out' the spouses and long term partners of your bridesmaids though!
See Italy on your own and then go back at a later time as a couple and be an Italian expert ;)
Go, get pissed and make a fool of yourself. No holds barred.
One thing i am sure that if a girlfriend try to do something like that more often than not they will get succeed is well, so i am seeing you are going into the weeding.
Tell the brothers and dad to go too and have a day out with all the partners and get smashed
Honestly I think it's an AH move to try to persuade someone to invite extra guests to their wedding. It's their wedding, not yours, not your girlfriend's. Respect their choices, let them have their day. Go to Italy if you want, don't go, whatever. But don't try to strongarm people into having your idea of appropriate guests at their wedding. You want a wedding with partners there? Have your own wedding and invite all the partners.
If that happens prepare for massive fallout from both the people who have boycotted and the people who had to leave their partners at home. You’d be in the eye of the storm for months, mate.
Have a chilled day in a nice little bar 👍
Go see the stuff you’re into but she isn’t. My gf having a ladies only tea while we visited London is the only reason I was able to visit the War Museum 🪖
You're arsed about weddings?
I would arrange to travel either the day of the wedding or the day after. Your girlfriend's going to be involved with wedding details before. Meet up and have your holiday after the wedding.
See just one thread here and how many new idea you are getting.
Sounds like a dream to me but I generally dislike wedding especially for none close friends
I was never overly looking forward to the wedding anyway, I’m arsed with weddings and arsed with socialising but I never thought of it that way until I’ve seen a few of the comments on here! We also have a little boy now who will be one at the time of the wedding. My mum was planning on babysitting for the duration but to be fair we’ve been thinking of making a road trip out of it and taking him with us. Seen as he’s not invited either we can have a little explore father and son 👌🏻
As a parent of a one year old, if your mum is offering to babysit for the duration of the trip? I strongly suggest you lock that down and enjoy a the break.
100%. You can scout out some awesome spots for when they are older and will remember.
“Enjoy a the break” sounds like u said that in an Italian accent lol
You get to go to Italy, avoid a wedding AND someone else will look after your 1 year old? I’m not seeing your issue here. Snap that offer up asap, leave the kid at home and get yourself a Negroni in the sun somewhere.
I think he's genuinely excited to take his one year old around. It's gonna be interesting early experience for him
Maybe, and great for him if that’s the case. I just think free time is at a premium with a one year old, so would jump at the chance of a free week. He’s got years ahead to take his child places. An opportunity for a genuine break with no responsibilities would be too good for me to pass up. Each to their own though.
Yeah idk, I don't think I could leave my kids when they're 1 with anyone except my wife for a whole week. 48h is probably my max limit. To be without either parent for a whole week at that age by choice seems a bit much.
Do you mean not arsed? Just wondering. Never heard anyone use that term the way you're using it. It almost sounds ideal for you two, because it means you can take your son and just have a holiday where part of the time your wife is off doing something else. Might create friction with the ones who've refused to go, though. It's not a great decision on the part of the couple getting married. With a destination wedding it's reasonable to expect people to want to bring their partners with them - they might not be able to afford a holiday together that year if they have to go separately, and at least you have your son to take around and show things and have some father-son time - if all you can manage is a four day break it'd be weird to spend half of that alone.
>Do you mean not arsed? Just wondering. Never heard anyone use that term the way you're using it. Just commented the same thing further up 😂
>I’m arsed with weddings and arsed with socialising This definitely would mean the exact opposite where I'm from. Got to love colloquialisms.
Being arsed about something means to.care about something. If you don't care then you are not arsed about it.
cant be arsed is an expression, ~~can be arsed is not.~~ edit; massively wrong with this as pointed out by u/flyte_of_foot lol, OPs phrasing "im arsed with weddings" doesn't sound right at all though OP acknowledges elsewhere in the thread he hates weddings, so hes definitely just getting the expression wrong lol
Hanging out with a toddler in a new place is awesome. They make great exploration buddies because they have no agenda, and if you just go with the toddler flow you wind up doing and seeing cool things
Yes. And no. Yes, depending on the kid, they're happy just hanging out. No, because there's so much "just in case" stuff you have to cart around. They need to take naps. If they're grumpy, they're grumpy . At accom can be trickier. And, at 1 year old, they're not going to remember a bloody thing.
I don't really understand why you're annoyed about not being invited if you didn't want to go anyway. Or why you'd try to stop your girlfriend from going. Maybe the cousin senses you don't really like this kind of occasion and didn't want to waste money on you.
I don’t know, the tone of the OP didn’t seem that annoyed to me, just that it seemed pretty rude of the cousin, which I agreed with, I’ve never heard of anyone doing that with wedding invites before
This is the way.
Yes, for the vacation i would say Italy is the pretty lovely place.
Go with the other non-invited partners and have a massive piss up in Italy?
Whilst dressed as lepers and send the snaps to all the wedding party!
Nah send feet pics! Live dangerously
D pics to the groom then. Raise the stakes! Pun intended
That's the MattBandito we know & love!
"I'll throw my own party, with blackjack and hookers!"
In fact forget the party 🤣
This is the way.
Go to italy and have a nice holiday - I mean the wedding is only one day right?
The chance that someone this self centred about their special magical wedding will limit the festivities and the imposition on the bridesmaids to one day is about 0.05%.
How do you know they’re self centred? Isn’t it more likely that an Italian wedding is extremely expensive and they want the people that are dearest to them there, not their partners? Also, if you can’t be self centred on your wedding day, when can you be?!
I appreciate that the wedding will be expensive, but the daft thing is and what I’m trying to raise on another few comments here is that the partners are nearest and dearest and can’t wrap my head around the invites. I personally can understand myself not being invited as I don’t know her as well as the others. But the other partners of my girlfriend’s brothers have literally gone to school with the bride and were once upon a time close friends. And I really feel for them being pushed out, money aside
I guess they’ve invited the people that they want to be there
Which is their right but they can't be surprised when a good proportion of the people they do want there end up not wanting to go to an event their partners have been told they aren't welcome at. Especially when you are expecting people to fly to another country.
Because it's probably going to cost £150-£200 per person and they want to limit numbers? This seems obvious to me.
>I appreciate that the wedding will be expensive, but the daft thing is and what I’m trying to raise on another few comments here is that the partners are nearest and dearest and can’t wrap my head around the invites To be honest I wouldn't go unless the week can be more then the wedding. Go out with the others, have time with the girlfriend etc. Going to Italy would just be wasted money. Never went to my aunt's for this reason. Didn't have a +1 and couldn't take my partner. So we went to the party once they were back.
Because if partners are there no one socialises. I don’t necessarily agree with it but for people who value that sort of thing it can be annoying when everyone is partnered up.
It’s a bit fucking weird though. ‘I want you to come, because I love you. I just don’t love you enough to put up with your partner or your kids’
I don’t think so. I love my friends. Some of their partners are arseholes. Why would I give up a friend being there so a partner I don’t care about (and might not be in either of our lives forever)
Because your friends family is a major part of who they are and it’s just kind of a package deal. If you’re going to be friends with someone then you are going to have to be polite and respectful towards their partner and children. Or else they won’t be friends with you any longer. Would you seriously be friends with someone who doesn’t want to put any effort into forming some kind of relationship with your husband/wife/children?
I don’t think it’s that so much, it’s the fact that those people will take the place of people who mean so much more to you
But your friend can’t be a person that means very much to you, if you’re going to be impolite to the most important person in their live
Right? To celebrate my love and commitment to MY partner I will completely disregard yours.
Lots of weddings are kid free, so that's not weird at all. If you're paying tens of thousands of pounds for a wedding, why should you need to *put up* with something tbh?
You have to draw a line somewhere with your guest list. This is where their line is. It's really not anybody else's choice but the couple who are getting married.
Each to their own but if you've got the money to have an expensive wedding in Italy then you should be able to accommodate the partner's of your closest friends, provided they've been going out a while and aren't just two weeks into the relationship. It's ultimately her day but still customary to be respectable to your guests, especially when they're jetting off to another country and probably paying a fair bit to go.
I mean the money stops somewhere. They might be able to afford this type of wedding because they've excluded people and kept it small. I know a few people who've had an expensive but very small wedding abroad.
This is the problem about weddings and why I’ve cancelled my big wedding. How dare you say someone is “self centred” for inviting who they want to their wedding? The entitlement of people when it comes to other people’s weddings is absolutely insane. Opinions like yours is one of the reasons I cancelled my wedding.
I feel you. I was so afraid of being a bridezilla, I went the complete opposite direction and only thought of what other people wanted.
I’d say the self-centred ones in this situation are those people demanding that the couple gives them a day of food, drink and partying at their expense and thinking that the couple don’t have the right to set limits on who comes to their own wedding.
Maybe they can't afford to cater for all the +1s, and are probably as gutted by this as you are as most folk want more folk to share the day. But it's in Italy you cry. Aye, it's their dream for their dream day. mn I've known a few friends having to make this painful decision, and it's quite heartbreaking.
I agree - I think it's hard to empathise unless you've gone through the wedding planning process yourself. Everyone has their priorities and their view of a dream wedding, and it seems here that the location has priority over the headcount. I understand why OP feels like they're being excluded, but I think they can take a positive spin on it by travelling as well and making a trip out of it with the other partners, or stay home, save some money and do something together locally! I don't think this is something to be taken personally at all
Plus if there is like some specific theme it will cost even more then
Yeah I was going to say this, they probably made a rule to no +1 which saves them on 30ppl. Can you imagine going to a wedding and being told you could not take you other half, then being sat down to a +1 who has only met them numerous times. It’s hard to have one rule for someone and another for someone else. Having got married last year I have now realised that the perfect guest is the person who turns up on time and is as little hassle as possible.
>Can you imagine going to a wedding and being told you could not take you other half, then being sat down to a +1 who has only met them numerous times. Yes. That's an entirely reasonable thing to happen. Extending plus 1s to family but not friends, for example, is not uncommon. Its not all or nothing.
tbh I'd just say No +1s and then invite *by name* the couples who I want to attend. If I know your partner and I'm happy for them to attend, they get an invite. If I don't, then you can come but leave your partner at home. If I don't know your partner then I'm not paying for them to attend my wedding.
I get not wanting/being able to give out a bunch of plus ones to all the guests but telling your own father and brother that their partners of over five years aren't welcome at your wedding is super weird. Just seems like a sure fire way to create some bad blood in the family. And I hope the bride is prepared for if brother or father do get married in the future to get her invitation with "no plus one" written on it. Edit: Someone pointed out that I had misread the post and it is OP's gf's father and brother not the bride's so not as weird as I thought.
I believe the gfs dad and brother would be uncle and cousin
Yes, and they are like family member where OP is still not married to her.
It could be a limited numbers package. When I got married we paid for a package and got to have 50 day guests and an additional 50 evening guests. There were plenty of people I had to leave out that I wanted to have there and it was massively gutting. There was one guy who came to my stag but didn't even make the 100 because that list just fills up before you know what's happening. My golden rule with weddings is that it is the couples day and they get to make whatever rules they want to and that should be respected.
I think I would change my view to no-one is really in the wrong here. The happy couple are absolutely entitled to invite whomever they want (whether it's a cost thing or a keeping it intimate thing doesn't really matter) but the people invited are entitled to not want to go without their partners. Anyone organising a wedding abroad should be aware they are gonna get some (potentially a lot) of people who can't attend so the bride/groom may well already be fully prepared for any people who decline the invitation. OP could well be thinking it is a bigger deal than it is. The gf's father/brother (brides uncle/cousin) may well decline the invitation and get a "no problem, we understand not everyone will be able to come" in reply.
I just feel that small gathering is much better than the large one
I agree where you're coming from but surely you'd pay for the bridesmaids+1 or at the very least say the +1 has to pay for their own accommodation
It’s pretty boring at a wedding if you don’t know anyone else (sounds like everyone OP knows is boycotting) and your partner is in the bridal party. Will get shoved on a table of spares in the corner.
My bf came to my best friends wedding and he was sat on the main table with me (and the bride and groom). I think if you were a good host you’d try to make sure your bridesmaids are with their partners, especially if they didn’t know anyone.
One of the best thing here would be save the money of the trip and enjoy beer at house.
Typically you invite the +1s you know, and otherwise say "no +1s" on the invitation. It's not "no couples", it's "no couples we haven't specifically invited", otherwise you end up having to spend a lot of money on catering etc. for people you don't know to attend your wedding. I'd do exactly the same in their position. The bride and groom have final say on who does and doesn't get invited to the wedding, like it or lump it. It's their day, their money, their choice of guests. Turn up or don't turn up, it's your choice, but you don't get to dictate who should be allowed at someone else's wedding.
If you have the choice of paying to go abroad, and paying for partners, but you chose the former, you chose wrong.
It's HER wedding and she wants to invite who she wishes. She probably wants to keep numbers very small, weddings are incredibly expensive and maybe she has her heart set on a small place. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. I can't believe her dad and brothers would boycott her wedding! That's so incredibly selfish.
They are absolutely entitled to invite who they want just as anyone invited, including the brother and father are entitled to not go if they don't want to. Especially as they are expecting people to fly to another country and leave their families behind. They are being no more selfish than she is. If I was invited to a wedding where it was made clear my partner was not welcome then I wouldn't be going either. Edit: You are aware that it is OP's gf's father and brother not the bride's? Just checking as I misread it as the bride's brother and father at first.
Yeah I don’t understand this view of people being selfish for saying they don’t want to fly to Italy to attend a wedding when they’d have to leave their partner at home with the kids
Entitled to invite who you want, but not entitled to have no consequences as a result.
If we are making some decision then also need to be ready for the consequences is well
It's her wedding and she can set whatever rules she likes, but that doesn't mean everyone has to blindly go along with it. They should be entirely free to make up their own minds whether to attend or not. It's self centered to think otherwise.
Play along with her, it is not like that we get the chance like that everyday
I read it as OP's girlfriend's dad and brothers are boycotting the wedding, not bride's dad and brothers.
I think there are some ritual that bride dad need to perform there.
> I can't believe her dad and brothers would boycott her wedding! That's so incredibly selfish. Not wanting to spend hundreds of £££s travelling to and staying in Italy, when you can't do it with your partner, isn't selfish.
They're far cheaper if you do them in your native country.
This way you can atleast save the money of the trip and it will give you some room to breathe
>IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. If he goes is. That's what he is asking. >I can't believe her dad and brothers would boycott her wedding! That's so incredibly selfish It's not. My partner and I are a team. I wouldn't go without her, especially if it was a whole other country. Maybe a evening or something in the uk but that takes my annual leave from work on something my other half can't be a part of.
It's not her dad and brothers. It's the bride's aunt, uncle and cousins who were invited without their partners so are not going. Would my wife go to a family wedding without me? No chance. Not inviting the unit is just rude. Invite a closer circle of family if you can't afford to invite cousins and aunts with their partners or they won't fit in the venue. You can't just pick and choose which bits of families you get to invite (exceptions for no kids is different, of course). This is just classic bridezilla.
Eh, while it is completely up to the person to invite who they wish, it's also up to the people invited on whether they want to go or not. It's completely fine for them to not go if they don't want to. I wouldn't call it selfish at all.
Yes it is on person but they need to make it little bit partial is well
Boycotting because they want the numbers low seems a bit shitty to be honest.
Soapboxing people who don't feel like going to a different country without their family seems a bit shitty to be honest.
I don't get it, why can't you be separated from your family for 24 hours? Are you a labrador? Being left alone at home is a chance to gorge yourself on crisps and marathon LOTR without anyone interrupting you.
>Soapboxing What would that even mean in this context? are you just saying random words...
People have every right to invite who they want to a wedding for whatever reason. But people also have every right to not attend a wedding for whatever reason. I think not inviting plus ones to keep costs down/numbers down is completely reasonable. But I also think not wanting to spend a small fortune to fly to another country without your SO is also completely reasonable.
I've done this. My partner was invited to a wedding for a close friend group in his home country but didn't get a plus one for me (totally understandable, didn't personally know the couple well). So the day of the wedding, I went to the city, did all the shopping I wanted, walked down to the waterfront, had lunch out, etc - then I went back to the hotel, had a 4 course dinner in their restaurant (they really looked after me) and curled up in bed watching films. Was a fucking amazing day, really. We explored together for the rest of the holiday as we went out for a week.
This is the attitude right here. I don't get why so many people are whinging about this - there's literally nothing to prevent the partners going with them and just spending one day apart while one partner attends the wedding. If they're really terrified of exploring alone then they can chill in the hotel - nice food, a few drinks, watch some movies.... Sounds like a great time to me!
Would 100% do it again, though I know his friend group a lot better now, so since then I've been getting a personal invite to the weddings!
You get to go to Italy and you get to not go to a wedding. Sounds like you've hit the jackpot guy
Yeah I think I have now you’ve mentioned it 🙌🏻
Italy is great place, seen some good review for that place from the people.
Its all very simple. Its her wedding, so its her choice. You dont have to like it, or respect it, just accept it. Fuk me, this world is full of ppl trying to tell you what to do all the time (i realise the irony here), so if someone whats their day that way, thats it. Perhaps there is a reason, perhaps she doesnt want a certain person to come, and has blanket banned partners to stop a drama
No need to accept it. Just don’t go, just like others have chosen to do.
Either go and enjoy the time in Italy and came back with fresh mind with the GF
This is it. Its there day and they can do what they like. My wife and I had a small wedding limited to 50 people which meant I didn't invite a lot of family which I thing a fair few were miffed about. I invited a few close mates but gave them the option of coming on their own or not coming. I'd have understood either way but after immediate family (parents, siblings and nieces/nephews) we only had another 25 spaces. We were gonna waste 10 of those on partners which would have meant other friends / family couldn't come. Folk are mental when it comes to weddings. Do what you want, invite whi you want and if people don't accept that and don't come that's one them.
In the same vein, it's also fine to respectively decline an invitation to a wedding or even to be in the wedding party if you can't manage it. No need to "boycott". Especially if it's a destination wedding! You just decide whether you can and want to go as per the invitation and then politely rsvp your decision. It's an invitation not a summons.
TBF (esp if the bride is paying for stuff) I get only wanting certain people on your special day. But that’s what it is, a special *day*. No reason for you to not go anyway and explore with your GF on the other days you’re there.
When my sister had her wedding she had the no partners rule with some exceptions because of numbers. Wedding are expensive with limited numbers if they are having a small wedding I wouldn't be offended. If ita a 300 person wedding it would be different.
Not the first time i am seeing that bribe is cutting the expense, they are perfectly in their rights.
Weddings suck, especially when your partner is in the bridal party as you barely see them. You end up mingling with people you don’t really want to talk too all day. This is a gift, go explore Italy.
I think its strange not inviting partners who are well established but it’s their wedding and their decision. It isn’t your girlfriend’s fault they’ve made that decision so she shouldn’t feel pressured to boycott if she wants to go.
I’d never pressure her into anything. If she wants to boycott then that’s her choice. If she goes to the wedding then that’s her choice too, I’ll never begrudge whatever choice she makes
Agreed, it's very strange
Weddings are expensive as fuck and everyone has to draw a line someone in who is and isn't invited. Boycotting because people are annoyed that they can't bring a +1 is super childish.
Or you could do the same at the time of your wedding is well, but there is no need to create some issue here, their big day so let them make all their decision is well
You're being weird about it. Weddings are EXPENSIVE. Each person could cost them upwards of £100. If every partner was invited that's essentially doubling their guest count, making their wedding full of people they either barely know or who don't really mean that much to them. I'll be honest, I barely invited my cousins to our wedding and would not have entertained inviting their partners too, let alone their kids. We had a rule that the partner had to be in a very long term relationship or married, eg my aunt and uncle were obviously invited together but my cousin's boyfriend, not so much. It's weird and petty that your girlfriend's dad and brother won't just graciously accept a day to celebrate their niece's / cousin's relationship while being fed and entertained for free, but instead have chosen to piss all over the bride and groom's hospitality. In fact my husband has been invited to a wedding later this year without me and I didn't give it a second thought, apart from to assume it was a small wedding and they didn't have the budget to stretch to plus ones.
All i can see here is that he is taking things little personally here
I would just accept it. They're paying for it, it's their wedding and it's their choice. To be honest I think it's sort of ridiculous people are boycotting someones wedding over not being able to bring their SO. It's expensive to cater to double the amount of people, so why bother? She's not your cousin, so it shouldn't matter to you, seems like she wants immediate family. Especially it being in Italy, it won't be cheap. Also, a wedding is one day, not the entirety of your stay in Italy. I think this is showing how self absorbed some people are to think they get a say in how someone's wedding day goes.
It's also expensive for guests to go to Italy. It's probably also eating into holiday allowance and it's potentially inconvient to leave a partner looking after kids on their own. There are very valid reasons for guests to choose not to attend beyond being 'self absorbed'. I'd suggest it's actually self absorbed to suggest guests shouldn't have the option to decline an invite just because it's your wedding...
They can decline, I'm not objecting to that at all. It's the fact that OP has at least made it sound like people are boycotting ( not just declining) due to the fact they can't bring their partners. I'm sure his gfs parents don't have any kids to look after by now either. It's their choice to attend, but by OPs description they sound self absorbed. But again, people can definitely say no for their own reasons but still be respectful.
Everyone have their own budget and try to fit the people in that one is well.
I mean it sucks but if you're not invited you're not invited
Fair enough to not give automatic plus ones but no partners at all, even for family members in long term relationships,is very bizarre.
Not allowing all those family member is little bit odd for me.
They probably can’t afford to invite +1s all round. I was at a family wedding last year and didn’t get a +1. The families were just so big so the wedding was huge before partners were factored in.
Its their wedding day they have it exactly how they want it end of, nothing arsy here. Leave your ego out of it
I probably wouldn't go. I never understood the plus one thing. If a couple are both close to the bride/groom then great I'd expect them both to be invited but if not I don't see the need. I think its ok to treat people as individuals and not as half of a couple. If you don't fancy going, maybe stay home, save the money and go off on a holiday with your GF another time.
Mate... really? Your missus' cousin's wedding? and you're gutted not to be invited. a) They can invite whoever they want to their ceremony and b) you absolutely, positively need to enjoy those times when your partner goes off and does their own thing. Do whatever the fuck you want to. Want to go to Italy? then travel with your missus, take a mate maybe or agree with one of the other non-invited to go on the lash all day. Or stay at home and make some plans with whoever you've been meaning to make plans with but don't make time for. Reach out to someone you've lost contact with but often think about (not a lass you used to fancy obviously) and see if they want to meet up. Invite your mates round and watch sport and get pissed. Or just buy a load of junk food supplies, close the curtains and build a fort for the weekend. But... do not ever be pissy about not being invited to someone's wedding. It's their day.
Enjoy Italy with no wedding BS? Perfect!
Go to Italy and get shitfaced brother until the Tower of Piza is perpendicular.
Think that’s gonna be the plan 👌🏻
It's clearly a general rule, not a personal slight, and it doesn't sound like you're close with the cousin. Sou ds like she can't afford for people she doesn't really know much at her wedding, and would rather pay for people she's actually close to. She might also think it's more appropriate since it's a destination wedding - you're more likely to be willing to pay if you actually like the couple, instead of just being invited by association.
To be fair if they are usually decent people I would be tempted to say let them have their special day and go along with their wishes, they either just want their most nearest and dearest or have cost worries, they might even have other relatives who they know would struggle to go so are taking the financial pressure off them. If your girlfriend wants to be there then you should be happy for her to go without you, even going to Italy and avoiding the wedding day may not be acceptable for the couples dream wedding. On a side note your girlfriend should recommend that they have a bit of a night do when they get home so all those who weren't at the wedding can celebrate with them.
Do what single people do? Go?
My wife's step-sister's wedding is coming up in a few weeks' time. Do you want to go to that? I'll go to Italy and not attend a wedding in exchange. Cheers.
It's almost like the rule was made to make less people attend.
Is it possible to boycott an event you aren't invited to?
Odd choice for the bride, but whatever. Maybe they can't afford to feed 2x the people or something. But whatever the bride's reason, don't make your girlfriend's life difficult over it.
For a not fussy person you sure are making a huge fuss about absolutely fuck all
I am not seeing that this is like a worse or too big situation to make a fuss out of that.
It's her wedding her choice. If people don't feel comfortable attending without there partners that is fine too.
Book your wedding before hers and don't invite her. Bonus points if you can do it in Italy the day before. Edit: after reading comments go to Italy and do something else that day sounds better.
If there is like Tit for Tat moment then here is right one here.
This appears to be every man's dream to be invited to a wedding somewhere hot and not have to go to the wedding. I can't see a downside to this. Even if you elect not to go, you will have a few days at home doing whatever you want to do. If it was me, I'd be practising my disappointment face..... "No love, you go and enjoy yourself, I'll make the best of it...., I'm as disappointed as you, but what can you do?"
Do you have a meaningful relationship with the cousin?
With the complete explanation don't think he mention about any of those relationship with cousin
Wedding invites are tricky so I kind of get that they’ve established some “rules”. My cousin got married a few years ago and didn’t invite me or my brother, but did invite some of their other cousins which pissed me off a bit. It wasn’t even that I wanted to go, more just that I’d have felt less left out if they’d had a blanket rule on cousins. My best friends got married shortly after I’d started seeing my partner. They were already stressing about some other invitees asking to bring new partners and politely asked if it was ok for me not to bring mine, which I was fine with. Ironically the other couples who asked to bring partners have all split up now but we’re still together. Personally I’d just take the holiday in Italy or stay at home. I don’t think it’s worth stressing over whether you can wangle an invite. Also, if you do manage to get invited, you may feel a bit out of place being the only “partner” that’s been invited.
My brothers catering came up to £11k because he had a lot of plus ones. Had he not it probably would've been around £4-5k This is probably what's happening here. Don't take it personally and just enjoy yourself out there
A wedding is a celebration of love, whilst yes it is celebrating a specific couples love, I don't understand why you would ban couples, I've never heard of that before. When I plan my wedding, I want everyone to have a bloody amazing time, I don't see the point in purposefully putting roadblocks in place to lessen that chance.
I'd stay at home. Obviously they only want close family there, not partners, spouses or hangers on. It makes sense since they have to cater for the occasion. Nobody has a 'right' to be at a wedding.
Two simple solution either enjoy the trip of Italy or enjoy boy time with PS
I don’t want to cause any offence here, but here goes: The couple getting married are paying for the wedding, surely they can invite who they want to invite and not be subject to any negative repercussions. Let them have their day, dude. Grab some beers and watch some sports, or game… or whatever… have some time to yourself.
I don't see why the brother and dad (cousin and uncle to the bride) are so bothered about partners not being invited. It would be one thing if theirs were the only ones excluded but it appears to be a blanket rule of no partners. Done so the couple can save money by effectively halving the guest list. Them boycotting is good for the couple as they save on the cost of those 2 as well. If your gf is inviting you on the trip and not the wedding, and you can afford it, and you want to go, why wouldn't you go? You'll still get to spend some of the time together, you get to do all the sightseeing you want, you don't have to attend a wedding, and you don't have to mingle with her extended family. I see only positives here. If you do somehow end up with a wedding invite and you don't want to attend you can say politely that you don't want to cause upset when the boycotters inevitably find out you went and they and their partners stayed home
Why no couples? Seems a bit strange.
Yeah, I don't get this -seems kind of rude to me but everyone's family is different I guess. Like others have said, I would just go and have a nice time in Italy without worrying about anyone else!
Sounds perfect to me, Italy and no wedding !
I'd pack her bags and invite the lads round for beers and PlayStation.
As in no couples at all? Only one parent allowed per side? Do they want a wholly single party where they are the only couple? Is her partner Italian and that's why they're going there? Do they not get along at all? Does she not see her aunt as family? But to be honest, I'd go for the holiday, always wanted to travel to Italy, and sometimes it's nice exploring on your own. Doubt you'll have a shit time.
I don't want to sound rude here but for me in wedding there is nothing entertaining specially if you are little stranger so better to explore the place rather than stuck in wedding.
My husband went to a friends wedding last year and even though we’ve been together for over ten years and married for five, it was still a no partners situation purely because of cost. I wouldn’t take it personally. I’d go anyway and have a nice day by myself while she’s at the wedding.
is it possible the people in question are friends with some folk who are maybe having troubles/known for arguments/causing a scene etc but rather than exclude the friend/s whos partner is the problem specifically maybe they decided a blanket ban was better another reason could simply be cost or venue size maye the place they have has limited seating or they dont want to pay for the extra meals drinks of all these peoples +1s another may be that many single people invited may feel a bit odd going alone soend up "grabbing" a +1 as a sort of date, im sure few people want unknowns at their big day all these are guesses ive never been married or even attended a wedding as an adult so ive noo idea
Seems incredibly selfish and stingy to say that partners can’t come.
Eh i find this whole thing weird tbh, if they’re being tight I assume girlfriend and other guests are paying for their own hotel accommodation? Just how many bridesmaids are there that they can’t afford to feed the partners of? But also if you can’t afford loads of people at a wedding then you just don’t invite them, period. You don’t invite them and say, ‘but not your partner’ - that’s the weird bit. Like how would your cousin feel if you invited her to your own wedding in the future but told her she couldn’t bring her spouse?
Fuck the bride (not literally) but get a ticket go to Italy do as your gf said & do some exploring then just meet her after the whole wedding & have some time with just your gf in Italy. Ohh & if you marry your gf in the end make sure the cousin gets an invite but not her partner. I’m petty AF but I don’t care
It makes you wonder why they bother having a wedding abroad (inviting others to spend loads to get there) if they can’t afford to Cover a couple? Inviting one half of a couple seems weird. Is the bride an influencer type?
I wouldn’t go to Italy, and tbh if my partner decided to go to the wedding without me I’d be considering my worth to them in the relationship.