People don’t ask for help when things are going well.


And that's a shame because the "things are great, how do i make it better?" posts are always a nice change of pace. Scrambling for advice when things go wrong is just being reactive instead of proactive.


Growing up in school "proactive" was ridiculed as "try-hard" and idk why so many kids I knew succumbed to embarrassment and never learned to be proactive.


This is what sociologists call a "culture of poverty". In certain social situations, culture is propagated which encourages behavior that actively harms people being successful. I would argue reddit largely has a culture of poverty.


A shockingly insightful post on this sub!


As an adult ‘try-hard’, it’s no better in the professional world. I’ll show up 30 minutes to an hour early and get things up and running as I know it’ll help things go smoother for my unit through the day. Some of the guys appreciate it, some bitch about it. Fuck em.


Yeah but everybody thinks you're bragging.


I *am* bragging when I talk about my husband and I don't see it as a bad thing at all. I'm gonna brag about him our whole lives and people will just have to deal with that


Maybe it's just me, but when I see people in love who genuinely are perfect for eachother, i enjoy it vicariously. Don't see it very often I guess, so I understand what you mean.


It's almost like we are biologically programmed to resolve pain and stay in pleasure when possible


People in good relationships aren't making dating posts on Reddit


"Me (29M) and GF (27F) have the best relationship ever!! Fellas, any advice on how to handle this situation??"


Have you considered opening the relationship up? Maybe one partner can cheat and then act entitled? Have you considered gaslighting your partner? Maybe randomly yelling at them?


That seems to drastic. OP, every time you are in bed together just slowly move over to her side until she falls out. She will eventually get the message that you are just there to fuck with her.


Maybe also pick random things she hates and do them. Make a point to forget everything important to her. Forbid random things she enjoys about life. No matter how skinny she is, make jokes about her weight daily.


Always remember the five hate languages: - Assault - Passive Aggressiveness - Mocking - Pettiness - French


My hate language is 100% british


Did you see that ludicrous display last night?


That's the problem with Arsenal, they're always trying to walk it in


Essentially pick-up artistry


Lol, thats a whole other discussion, but yeah. If you select the right pickup artists, you're just getting narcissistic manipulation tactics. They don't come out and say it but all that crap works on men too. Its just how to manipulate people.


You may be laughing,but my husband LITERALLY does this-not on purpose,he just keeps "snuggling" while he sleeps...so now i have a second bed on the floor 🔪😅


The dog does this to my boyfriend. He actually fell out of bed from it once.


First, they come for your heart. Then... They come for your bed 👀


My dog does not approve of my boyfriend being in my bed. It was the boyfriend's idea to get a dog.


Username checks out. Probably hangs out with one other big dog and three cats, resulting in completely annexed bed surface. Yep.


Pick one song and play it o. Repeat for a week


Have you tried slowly draining their savings away yet? This is always a fun activity. Spend it on nonsense items too. Things such as mini go cart and Pac-Man trainers. Take them to restaurants that serve all the food on the tables. Then order the sloppiest items on the menu. These things are sure ways to increase stress in a relationship.


I’m sorry, are you using “trainers” to suggest shoes or sort of gaming coach?


Oh I thought they meant ‘trainer’ as in a coach, and now I’m realizing it wasn’t someone to train you how to play pac man.


Have you tried calling into their work, contacting their boss, and forcing them to pay you money to ALLOW your partner to continue to work there?


Ok, I have to stop joking for a second. Is this shit for real?


Probably got inspired by the aita sub lmao


For me? No. But I've worked in places where family members have overstepped before


My wife just made a remark about how many of our acquaintances are getting divorced and asked "Are we weird? Should we be fighting more?"


it's easy just stop communicating effectively and take everything as a personal attack


Don't forget to also take occasional shit in bed and blame it on your loved one


Exactly. Look them right in the eyes and sound concerned when you do it too. Insist they made you do it, and act confused when they insist otherwise.


Otherwise you'll hear "ObJecTioN, hEaRsAy" in a very weird moment during the trial


Dump her, only option! You deserve better than that


“Fellas, how do I (32m) get my wife (29f) to stop sucking my dick so much? Just last night I tried giving her a relaxing massage to show her how much I love her but she wouldn’t stop showering me with compliments about how good looking I am and how much she appreciates all that I do. What gives?”


Way too old for Reddit relationship problems. It’s usually 26(f) and 27(m) have been married for 7 years, together for 11 and we’re struggling to navigate this pretty basic problem because neither of us have ever dated and got married when we were children….


That, or one’s 22 and one’s 35


6254 (undead god) and 18(f) whats yeet mean?


Those ages are way too close for those reddit posts


Me (48) and my wiiiife (19) have been getting in fights because I was flirting with her younger sister. I (half)joked that I wanted to swap her out for the newer model once she's legal, but she knows I'd be open to have both of them until she's old and ugly. AITA?


That is a red flag. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Move on inmediately!!! Edit: the upvotes confirm she is obviously hiding something. Run!!


Your first step is to develop strong insecurities. This will help unbalance the relationship so that one of you has to do a lot of work and both will be miserable about it. Be sure to start taking drugs (or stop ama if you have prescriptions) to "snowball" the process. Everybody needs a good snowball to the nose once in a while.


"Make her sign a prenup, there are no relationship benefits for men!"


Unless she’s making bank, or has a trust fund.


When I got married, my thrice divorced lawyer buddy tried numerous times to get me to ask her to sign a prenup. Yeah, sorry buddy you're the last person I'm taking relationship advice from.


Run away as fast as you can


When you are wearing rose colored glasses red flags just look like regular flags... average reddit response.


Don't @ me and my lifestyle bro! /s


I shit you not I saw a post like that once. Was so thrown off cuz it wasn’t a typical “my husband is lazy do nothing loser who can’t hold a job and plays video games. What can I do to make him more helpful”


This is a huge red flag. You should definitely break up! r/relationship_advice


I mean as someone who's been in a number of unhealthy relationships, there's some truth to this. Like, how do I not fuck up a good thing?


Dont ask if she wants something to eat. If she tries to eat, eat it before her. She's cooking, when its done, take it all and hightail it to the bathroom and lock the door.


Have a little fun, make sure its only physical not real


Even in places where we can be active, like /r/happyrelationships, we just don't have much to say that hasn't already been said: * I love my partner * My partner loves me * We express our love ~~physically, as was the style at the time~~ in ways that the other notices and appreciates * We think the other is sexy when solving problems or engaged in hobbies or working their job or hanging out with their friends * We're comfortable around each other * We enjoy doing fun stuff together * We support each other through tough times, and band together when dealing with challenges from others or from outside circumstances * We don't have family problems because our families love each other


> All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.


I think we need some middleground, like a sub for minor problems in otherwise happy relationships. A place like /r/FirstWorldProblems, but for us happy couples to post our meaningless problems. * How do you deal with how hot it gets when they want cuddles *all* night. * She likes every show that I like so what can I watch when she's not there * Why is all this hair in my butt?


And this is true for every single dating and Q&A subreddit. Whole lot of bitter shit from both sexes always gets upvoted.


"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." The drama and bad relationship posts are just more interesting to read than "my wife and I have been together for 20 years. We really love each other, have tons of sex, and never have any major problems."


Strife can be pretty cliche in my experience but I see what you're saying




Reddit is full of lonely men with bad social skills.


And lonely men with *good* social skills … :(


This, and also that more access means people tend to have higher expectations in people, when in reality, a successful relationship is more dependent on you being the kind of person you want to attract and taking care of them the way you want to be taken care of. People forget that.


I disagree. Nothing good came out taking care others like I wanted to be taken care of. Better advice would be to see others as equals and voice your needs.


💯 Agee with this. Most of the people asking for dating advice are single, don’t have someone or just have all around shit experience in the dating market. Like my sister might see this post but won’t comment , she has been with her now fiancé since high school and that’s been years ago


People in good relationships aren’t making posts on Reddit period.


Survivor bias


Yeah, if you get all your information from newspapers it makes rivers sound like death waiting to happen. you never see "local boy doesn't drown" on the front page.


For real though. People in good relationships are bringing issues to their partner(s), not strangers. The key to all that shit is communication with the other person (s), not the peanut gallery.


Love me some sample bias


Selection bias at its finest


Also, dating is either depressing or exhausting... Or both.


Regardless of the resources available, finding a good connection is just rare. Similar to urban isolation. Just having more people around doesn't usually make one less lonely. The dating resources just create the illusion of abundance. The easier it is to attempt to connect with someone, the easier it is to ignore such connection attempts.


Not to mention being around lots of people and still being single is a big hit to self-esteem.


Especially if they're all taken or have an easy time finding a SO.


Doesn't help that dating apps are literally designed not to succeed. Because a customer who succeeds is no longer a customer.


In case op is not aware you can look up dating statistics and averages and compare them to yesteryears. The short version is that among many, many, other external factors dating apps are conducting the largest sociological experiments in human history. Some light reading for you: almost 1/3 of American men over 18 and under 40 are not having any sex (as in never) let alone a relationship and its not by their lack of trying. Here's another, 90% of men on tinder don't get messages or replies to their messages. Here's the last one, the top 1% of men on tinder get 90% of matches and 99% of messages. My personal favorite is the average times a man is ghosted when trying to date which is literal psychological abuse that does long term damage and is so severe we used to have entire rehab centers dedicated to (albeit for women usually) it before it became commonplace. Men are committing suicide at the highest rates in history and reporting lonliness at the same historic rates. The charts are similar in highs and lows. (Anyone else remember what happened when tinder went pay to play lol?) Throw in men's declining education numbers, declining wages, declining affordable housing and rapidly changing standards of men and it's no wonder why men are having a hard time finding value in themselves. Doom and gloom because upwards of 20% of a population is clinically depressed and 8% fantasize about suicide and the number that do it keeps ticking upwards. All while they can't find companionship. 1/3 isn't a small number.


Damn that’s brutal. Do you have sources for those 90% and 99% numbers? I’d love to read more about this.


Everything is from the international journal of environmental research and public health, the pew research center fact tank, and human arenas interdisciplinary journal of psychology, culture, and meaning. (So type one of those into Google and the stat you're interested in)


Sweet thank you. A really sobering read but one more of us should be aware of, thanks dude!


Negative survivor bias. People who are succesful at dating don't need to post here.


I guess I should post here then. I have online dated over the past 5 years and it has been such a great experience and I have met a ton of great people.


Because there is more access and resources than ever before. Once upon a time you competed with every guy in the bar. Now you compete with every guy in a 50 mile radius. A lot of dudes do not rank well in a field that wide and a lot of women are perfectly happy to go home alone instead of settling. Also...nobody posts questions when things are going well, they've got it covered at that point.


Definitely... Can't say I ask too many questions about jobs, relationships, or advice when things are going well... I'm too busy enjoying said success.lol


>a lot of women are perfectly happy to go home alone instead of settling. This is a key point. Less and less, women feel the *need* to be with a man, and rightfully so if you ask me. So you gotta do more than be someone she needs; you gotta be someone she wants.


>you gotta be someone she wants. Exactly. This is what many dudes (and ladies) get wrong about dating. You.arent competing with the 50mile radious guys. You are competing against them thinking they are better off single than with you.


I would also argue that shifting economic trends are having an impact. Dating-age men's real disposable income has shrunk over time, which makes it more difficult to be attractive to women. Not that wOmEN OnLY likE RiCh GUys. But women like men who enjoy their jobs, have interesting hobbies, take care of themselves physically, and have a good social life. A lower disposable income means less money for hobbies, going to social events, or eating good food. Working overtime makes less time to try new things or hit the gym. Being stressed out about losing your job because of financial insecurity means you're less willing to take risks to get a job you enjoy. Of course, plenty of women are also in this exact same position. But they aren't such horny bastards, and are typically unwilling to settle for someone with an unhappy life, even if their own life is equally unhappy. The flip side of this is that guys who *do* have these things handled will end up swamped with women, since they are now a scarce resource. Hence the female refrain - "why don't any guys want something long term?" Well, because the guy who is doing well in life that you want to date isn't desperate for female attention, and will quickly leave the dating market as soon as he gets tired of fucking 8 girls a week.


AAHHH, the truth! It burns!




this is the answer i came for


Why not both?


Bc people dont write “omg im so happy reddit. Help me pick a dress”. No they say “he can’t get hard after I admitted i kissed his gay sister plz help”. So yeah


I snorted water up my nose as I was reading this and laughed. Now my sinuses are clear thank you


Laughter really is the best medicine


Some guys would have an easier time after that admission though lmao


You’re missing a “step”


Not in Alabama my friend


I'll preface this by saying I've no skin in the game anymore and I had a generally successful time dating. Dating on average is awful for men. It was always on the onus of the man to initiate the conversation putting women on the front foot immediately i.e. they are the rejector not the rejected, this has been amplified with online dating as the women now not only has the pick of the bar she has the pick in a x miles radius around her. So you may think these resources have made it easier, on average it's made it far harder. Sit with a female friend next time she's on Tinder and I guarantee you every 2nd or 3rd like she gives she'll get a match. Womens standards have skyrocketed as a result (they were already extremely high to begin with) so there's no such thing as an average man anymore, he's either hot or not worth looking at.


>ratio of men to women for most age groups is still around 50 50. But somehow it doesn't feel like this is the case. Dating apps are all like 80% men. But bars, gyms, hiking groups, etc. Are all also highly male skewed. I know the data is true for the population at large but it sure often feels about like one would expect the world to feel if there ~20% of the female babies died 20-30 years ago due to some freak plague that didn't effect males. Single women seem just plain scarce and are extraordinarily picky as a result making dating someone on your level rather than a complete loser very difficult. Though my location has some local demographics quirks that likely influence this and make it particularly bad for dating. A utah town with a major military base so there actually is an excess of men on top of the local skew where local men are much more likely to leave the LDS church and join the non LDS dating scene than LDS women (who are much more likely to stay in the religion and date exclusively other Mormons, which actually gives them a significant shortage of men).


> somehow it doesn't feel like this is the case. Dating apps are all like 80% men. But bars, gyms, hiking groups, etc. Are all also highly male skewed. Hit the nail on the head. I tried really hard to put myself out there in the hopes of meeting women. I wanted to just become friends with a variety of people, and let any relationships form simply by mutual attraction, rather than trying to deliberately woo someone. But every single activity I tried, every meetup I went to, and so on were all either entirely men or almost entirely men. The one exception was swing dancing, in that it was *almost* half and half, but there were still more men than women. (Additionally, the only women who were remotely close to my age were attending with their boyfriends; the other women looked to be 20 or more years older than me.) In all those activities and meetups and so on, the few single women (if there were any) were immediately swarmed by charismatic men doing their best to chat them up. Meaning if I wanted to have even a basic conversation with a woman who wasn't already taken, I'd have to actively fight for her attention, to pursue her specifically because she's a woman instead of just getting to get to know each other as people. I hated that type of environment. If it weren't for the exceptionally lucky coincidence that I found the woman I'd eventually marry right when she was first putting herself out there online, I'd probably still be hopelessly single to this day.




If you're an average straight dude (or even below the top 20% or so) using online dating it's nearly impossible to match with anyone you're actually interested in without getting VERY lucky. I have no advice other than to ignore online dating. The vast majority of women I match with using dating apps are, for lack of kinder phrasing, nowhere near the quality of the women I actually date if I meet them organically (through friends, work, hobbies, random chance, etc...). On top of this I feel like, as the man, I have to entertain them, be funny, have a good job, carry the conversation, AND be attractive. And this is all for a woman that, again, is not as attractive as women I have dated and she **certainly** isn't putting in that much effort, based on watching my friends who are women use these apps like it's DoorDash. Online dating feels like I am applying for jobs, interviewing for them, and once I land the job I realize I didn't even want it in the first place. Online dating, in my opinion, is full of men matching with women they aren't interested in - out of desperation. A harsher way to phrase this is that women will match with men out of their league, only because the guy is so starved for **any** attention, while men will rarely, if ever, match with a woman they are interested in. This leads to unhealthy and bad matches for 90% of people.


This is a very accurate description of today's dating, *especially* online dating.


I'd say it's mostly online since there are about 2-3 men for every woman online.


I'd argue online dating mostly favors men capable of having lots of options but little interest in commitment. Just because he sleeps with you doesn't mean that he's interested in marrying you.


I agree. I think online dating is **only** good for very attractive men that aren't (or do not need to be) interested in commitment, and no one else. It must be like shooting fish in a barrel for them, while I'm fishing in a dessert!


Bro right on the spot. I really though I was the only one with this. Like I match with ugly women that I’m not interested in, and I’m like what the fuck. I’m just going to do it in person because I just don’t give a fuck anymore.


I was watching "the tinder swindler" the other day on Netflix. The first part, they interviewed one of the women who got swindled. She said she was on tinder to find love and a relationship. Then they asked her how many matches she had, and she said 10,000. I was like, 10000!?! 10k??? Maybe take another look when you get to a couple hundred, maybe you don't need to keep looking after 1k. It's the mindset that none of the 10,000 are good enough and she still fell for the dude because she was impressed that he appeared to be ultra rich. They keep looking; always looking for an upgrade, the first 9000 weren't good enough. 10000, still blows my mind. Anyway, I'm not doing any better than you.




I don't see myself ever fitting in to that part of our culture. Anyway, I appreciate your words.


I met my wife through one of the personals subreddits, if that's an avenue you haven't tried. It's still soul-crushing, as you'll get ignored or ghosted 99% of the time (or more) no matter how much effort you put in (and you need to put in a fair amount of effort to have any chance at all), but each attempt is a chance that you might get lucky. The only thing you can do is never *permanently* give up.


Man this sums up all the frustrations I've been feeling the past few years so eloquently. I might have to screenshot this to show to whoever ends up being my therapist.


Funny how you say this. Single women say the same thing, how there doesn't seem to be enough single men around. As people start pairing off, singles focus on their hobbies, which end up being gender skewed. For women, it's yoga class and knitting clubs, not exactly great places to meet men.


What activities are these single women doing to meet men, where it's overwhelmingly women showing up?


Book clubs, art gallery opening, yoga, self help, spiritual stuff, college lectures, cultural and political groups, volunteer work, community gardens


People say college is a waste of money, and they might be right, but let me just say....there are women everyyywheerrrre in college.


You get to pay top dollar to be ignored and rejected in person.


Nah, most of the women in my college are either: Taken, gay, or not interested. (Usually a mix)


Fwiw, as part of the other 50, my experiences at mixed clubs/meets have been consistently terrible. Tried a hiking club and got told to wear shorter shorts next time. I bikepack and ride gravel and avoid any group with more guys than girls after too many shitty experiences. I have found women only or LGBTQ+ friendly groups and have had great experiences. Every once in a while try mixed group again, but inevitably some douchecanoe will make comments/act inappropriately while other dudes guffa or look the other way. My experience is not unique and I can hold my own, but why would I or anyone else? Currently seeing someone who said hello to me after we crossed paths a few times.


There are a number of reasons why dating posts on this subreddit might be depressing. First, many people who use this subreddit are likely to be single themselves, and may be feeling lonely or isolated. Second, the posts may reflect the difficulties and frustrations that come with trying to find a partner. Finally, some users may simply be venting their frustration with dating in general.


Because there are men out there who are depressed and geniuenly lonely and need our help.


This. This is the way. I don't know how to include this without a bit of shoehorning but I've lost two friends in the last 5 years to suicide. Both had relationship problems at the top of their lists of reasons. It's not wrong to want to help, and it isn't necessarily misogynistic to acknowledge problems with modern dating. I truly don't understand why anyone would jump to defend tinder/ bumble/ what have you. Those sites are actual scams.


Thanks man


Part of the problem is believing in “the one”. There are good ones. There are bad ones. But there is no one.


Wait, the Matrix lied to us?!


Believing in "the one" is actually quite horrible if you think about it. There are 8 bn people, if you narrow that down to your age range and preferred gender maybe 300 million. What are the chances that you are going to meet "the one"?


A girl is noone


That's the reality for a lot of young men. Recall studies saying that young men are more single and not sexually active than ever before, and those studies were done before covid, so it's probably worse now. Also people in happy relationships aren't posting.


There is no "one." There is a set demographic of persons with whom you are compatible with and attracted to and the decision to "settle down" and "commit" is up to you.


100% this. The mindset of looking for "the one" has ruined far too many relationships that would have worked out just fine had people just committed to it instead of constantly searching for a "perfect" relationship.


I think it also deprives people of meaningful relationships with past partners and friends of past partners. Since if they're not the one you've either failed, were wrong, or they misrepresented themselves, there has to be some kind of villain or conflict. If instead of desperately trying to make "the one" work, you could accept that a relationship has run it's course, grieve it, and then move on, people wouldn't have to split up their friends, colleagues and workplaces in the break up all the time.


Truth!! The love drive is a great content creator who talks a lot about this. Believing that there is a soulmate or the one is very detrimental to one’s love life and a very toxic view to hold on to. There is no such thing.


OKCupid did a little study. "According to the study, they (women) rate a whopping 80% of men on the site as 'below average'." You know the saying, the grass is always greener on the other side, well that's double true for online dating. There are so many attractive options, why would anyone settle for someone they consider "below them." It's like marrying your small town high school sweet heart and then you go to college and realize your guy/girl is average at best. Too much temptation out there. Everyone is trying to score a 10. https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/#:\~:text=But%20despite%20their%20fair%20ratings,site%20as%20'below%20average'.


50 - 50 doesn’t even matter. Have you not looked at the studies there are more men virgins than ever. Hook up culture is a lie for most men. Also people in good relationships don’t need to go on to Reddit to ask what to do.


not to mention how awful dating apps are for men. [All those apps do is destroy men's egos.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCsiNSA7sgs)


The optimist says that the people in good relationships don't post. The overbearing pessimist says that the majority of men are either: \- Single and finding online dating apps to be a horrible way to meet people \- In a relationship that they aren't happy in, because the majority of young men who are in relationships are in ones that they have pressing issues with. \- Orbiting a girl(s) on the hopes that she will eventually open herself to the idea of dating him, and he's posting here to cope with it. At some point, I made this assumption that relationships and finding love carried some kind of sancity to it. You don't want to be changing partners too often, you don't want to jump into sex too quickly. The pursuit of something real and nourishing is presumably what we all want, right? In a complicated world, we want something we can hold on to. At this point relationships feel like a revolving door or a conveyer belt. People are finding any reason to quit and try the next person, rather than persisting a little longer (unless persisting is because of insecurity of being alone). Dating doesn't feel the same as it used to, quite frankly.


Because dating sucks


It really does. I wanna skip that part and jump straight into a happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationship please.


Where do I have to sign to wake up tomorrow on a warm house and having someone by my side?


It's look easier to just buy a gun a bullet tho


If I could buy a gun and a bullet where i am from i would be 3 meters underground right now.


Same lmao.


Dating apps are the death of proper dating. It's a purely superficial thing. Even if you Match with someone, and have lots of good conversation. They're still swiping hoping for something better, then you get ghosted. I recently deleted all my apps. It's just mentally exhausting.


I also recommend removing notifications from most apps you don’t use or need for work. I removed my notifications from anything not related to work and my peace of mind is getting much better.


Because people who are in happy health relationships are not on Reddit asking for advice.


>There is more access and resources to finding "the one" than ever before The resources are absolute shit for 80% of people. If you think it isn't shit, congrats, you're part of the 20% who have success on them.


It's a good place to vent


Nobody asks for advice when their relationships are good, or if they’re in a happy relationship at all. So it seems that you see a lot of gloomy posts but that’s just because they’re the only one posting.


1. A lot of men (mainly young men) feel worthless in the dating world because of their lack of success. Dating apps have accelerated this because it’s very, very clear that not many men are getting much out of it. Young male virginity has gone up a lot in the past decade. 2. Many women online are putting their guards up in terms of whom they’re willing to give a chance. Filtering out the right people is not easy. Men are affected by this pretty harshly. 3. The internet skews your vision of everything. *Everything.*


Misery loves company.


Go to r/makemesmile if you only want to see happy posts


I've been single for over 10 years, my last official relationship ended in 2009 and it's getting old (as am I.) So after moving to a bigger town this spring, I got a female friend to help me write a tinder profile text, and had another friend help me take some pictures in various nice clothing and places, etc, probably the best pictures anyone has taken of me ever, and the first ones anyone has taken since 2017. Meanwhile a few days later, another female friend of mine made a tinder account just for fun when I showed her mine. She put in zero profile text and just uploaded a selfie taken while drunk, in her bathroom in poor lighting, with her face practically looking like she was about to commit murder. For the record she looks far from like the petite, well dressed, slim "ideal woman" you see women claim that they need to mimic to attract anyone at all. Within *literally three minutes after creating her profile* she had more likes than tinder was able to even show since it apparently caps out at 99 on the counter. My results on the other hand, 2 matches out of 45 likes in almost 2 months and neither of them answered when I tried saying hello. All my other likes are people i've already noped left. So yeah, you tell me, really.


What did your friends say. This is always the best part.


Modern dating, especially when younger, heavily favors women.


Because roughly 70% of men in their prime dating years (20-34, also the age of most redditors) are single and struggling.


It doesn’t really work like that. Men that are more attractive are going to have a much easier time getting women via dating apps. The reason for this is due to the very shallow way that these apps present people. Most of the time people are making a split second decision based off of someone’s first profile picture. Good looking people are going to get lots of matches, average and below average people are going to be disregarded. The above average men are going to have more options to choose from. However, knowing men, we aren’t nearly as selective as women. Additionally, men with lots of options aren’t going to feel the need to commit. The above average man is therefore more likely to try a little bit of everything. They’re going to consume (aka sleep with) as many relatively appetizing women as possible. Women on the other hand are typically more selective. They’re also more likely to commit. This means that once a woman starts sleeping with a man they typically aren’t simultaneously sleeping with many other men. Basically the above average man on a dating app is sleeping with multiple women. Those women are less likely to be sleeping with multiple men. This means that there is less women available for below average-average men to sleep with. It isn’t truly a 1:1 ratio on dating apps like tinder. This is why I usually try to recommend that men avoid dating apps. Most men are going to end up with a small pool of women to match with. This amplifies insecurity, and gives people a false view of the world. Instead you’re more likely to achieve success if you actively put yourself out in the real world. Forming friendships, joining groups, doing activities, etc will all lead to you creating new networks. Those networks will allow your personality to shine, and through that you’re going to have a much easier time meeting women. Additionally, since this is based off personality and not just physical attraction, you’re more likely to find something meaningful.


Beyond sample bias due to the type of people who post. There's another problem with modern dating: more access results in a lot of other things as well. The deviants, criminals, weirdos, etc. who get onto dating apps to troll women and immediately send dick pics make the dating app experience terrible for victims. This results in far fewer women than men using the apps. Dating apps also mean that the top 10% of men have more access to all women. So the handsome tall successful guy who has dated every woman in a neighborhood... can now do that in multiple cities. 80/20 rule applies until people start panicking about marriage/children or have been divorced. So you end up in a situation where dating apps are for men a horrible scramble for very few interested women or for women traumatizing and abusive.


Because when you give someone near unlimited options they will never make up their mind. Seems hard to build a real relationship with someone when someone "better" is always just a swipe away. I never liked dating apps for that reason and met my wife in person. Tinder did nothing but find meaningless hookups and keep me swiping all the time.


Dating apps only go well for the top 15-20% of men. You're also seeing bias and not recognizing it for what it is though. People in happy relationships aren't on reddit asking for advice or whining, they're enjoying themselves. Things will always skew negative on open forums like this.


Because dating sucks? I'm on my second marriage and after my divorce from my ex-wife, who I had met in like, lifeguard classes while I was in high school or some shit, I had to do all the Tinder/OKCupid garbage and I'll tell you what, dating being a full-time job sorting inventory to "shop" for people and then trying to min-max the right introductions etc. etc. etc. was *fucking awful*. I met my current wife through a friend, and I truly and genuinely believe that people who just stop looking are mostly a) happier, because they focus on themselves; which in turn leads to b) more attractive, because they're building an interesting life independent of a spouse; and then c) they're actually *out doing things* where they can meet people organically. TL;DR: Modern (online) dating sucks, and even *most* posts about dating are from people struggling, it's a shitty experience even for people it works out well for, IMO.


Because the dating distribution is not 50-50, it's 80-20, and in larger cities, even closer to 90-10. Women do not want average guys. If the dating distribution was actually 50-50, Kevin Samuels would not have had any viewers.


Paradox of Choice I guess. You're happier with fewer choices, because you're more certain that you made the "right" choice.


>There is more access and resources to finding "the one" than ever before Just because there is more garbage on the streets doesn't mean that's where I want to find my meals


>the ratio of men to women for most age groups is still around 50 50 1 men will date multiple women and never commit, making the ratio extremely skewed. if you check the statistics of how many hetero men have sex in a year, and how many hetero women have sex, you will see a big discrepancy, and impossible looking one: a lot of men are getting no sex to very little, a few are getting a lot, while women have a much more fair distribution. meaning: the top men have much more sex than the bottom men, more inequality, while the top women only have a bit more sex than the bottom women, more equal. (god it sounds gross to write "the top men" and "bottom men" I mean in terms of just statistical sexual partners) I would google it and post the studies I've read if I wasn't at work.


>(god it sounds gross to write "the top men" and "bottom men" I mean in terms of just statistical sexual partners) You could say "the fuckers" and "the non-fuckers" if it helps


> god it sounds gross to write "the top men" and "bottom men *gay dudes*: nah you’re good we’re familiar with it


This has also been a problem throughout pretty much all of human history, especially until monogamy came around and sort of leveled the playing field a bit. Now it seems monogamy is in many ways going out of style and that problem is getting worse again.


I think that the rise of the internet has let us see just how many men have always gone unwanted. In the past, record gathering was fundamentally worse and people themselves were far, far less likely to admit they're virgins or chronically single/celibate.


That + our local “tribe” is orders of magnitude larger now, so FOMO is more rampant as opposed to picking a person and saying “this is it, this is who I’m figuring shit out with.” Lot more wars constraining the supply of men as well, historically.


Modern dating, especially when younger, heavily favors women.


Because dating is depressing if you aren't successful


> Why are dating posts on this sub so depressing? Because for a lot of men in this sub, dating is depressing.


Modern dating is absolutle shit. You either bear through the shit or give up entirely, I have chosen the latter.


Wow are you serious? Women want the 10/10 man and they’re constantly getting hit up on by 1/10 men. So everyone trying to digital date is pretty fucked unless you’re the 10/10 woman or the 10/10 man (looks wise).


The math actually shows that the dating world is overwhelming negative for most guys. The top 20% of good looking guys have locked down 50% of the dating pool. Many studies of online dating apps have shown a huge shift in favor of women. If you are an average looking guy, you have a lower chance than any time in history of finding g the one because every woman you know can get laid by 20 better looking guys at literally the push of a button.


80% of men are invisible to 80% of women. Women want the cream of the crop of men


Not alot of people know their worth especially guys and especially if you feel like you’re not super attractive


Worth in economy comes from how much people believe it is worth, if I say a pointing is worth a million dollars, people can laughing at my face, offer it 5 and its worth is going to be 5, since its what anyone is ready to pay for it. Man that arent given any attention come to the logical conclusion they dont have any worth because thats how the rest of the world works...


the first problem is believing in "the one". that's just you setting yourself up for future doom and gloom.




"The One" implies... it happens only once. That sounds like happily ever after to me.


Men have a significantly harder time in the dating scene than women do for the most part.


Because dating is depressing lol


Because the access to more information isn’t always a good thing. Would you rather be with somebody from your home town who works some minimum wage (or slightly higher) job or move to be with somebody who has a better paying job and can be more supportive? That’s what the internet and dating apps have allowed.


I said to my brother why do you always bitch about your wife. And he said what am I going to do, call and tell you that my soul mate and I had this amazing conversation last night? I said yeah. I only ever brag about my wife. She's amazing.


When I was single I noticed that women responded well when I didn’t try to have sex with them. It took longer to hook up but they were the ones initiating it


Who are doing good would not be bothering in this shit-hole


Pandemic hurt a lot of people dating wise because it became more about being online then actually meeting people. If I go out to the bars I can definitely talk to a hotter girl then a match on tinder or any of the sites. Most guys on reddit probably are in the same boat and don't get good quality matches. Online dating is like going grocery shopping at a convenient store. Sure you might get food, but it's more expensive and the quality is never as good.


Lmao have you not tried online dating ? It's shitty


Too many choices leads to paralysis. People become overly concerned with maximizing. Rather than finding "good enough". This had made it extremely difficult to compete. When people have fewer choices, they're more likely to take one.


Don’t take what you read here to heart. There is generally a lot of entitlement and high expectations when it comes to dating. Finding a decent partner can be a bit challenging, but it’s not impossible as long as you’re not too focused on looks, etc. Life is simple, but many people want to complicate it to give a pseudo view of sophistication. Many men also live in the internet and Reddit and they have no real world experience when it comes to socializing and dating.


I think it gets depressing because of the "The One" because it gets jammed into us like this mystical "One" person needs no adjustment, no learning to live with one another, honestly best advice my dad gave me was. There is no "The One" there are many however that carry a nice happiness to frustration ratio, find a person who gives a good ratio and pursue them, just learn to leave if it doesn't go the way you want, they are people after all.