The girl I was exclusive with kissed my brother and now she’s coming for dinner…
By - YOBAS6010
Tell your mother you won't be attending the dinner, because you dated X and she cheated on you with your brother.
Then leave it. There's nothing you can really do, other than tell your brother you now know where you stand- that he values this girl more than his own brothers feelings and you'll treat him accordingly. Focus on yourself.
Yup... That sums it up...
Yikes, I like that… a lot.
I just feel like I won’t be able to bring myself to say it
Breath deeply and let it out. You didn't do anything wrong, you are just telling the truth
it sounds like you are downplaying this so hard.. Do you not realize that you brother is a giant asshole, who cares more about where he puts his dick than you?
Exactly! You both know what the girl is up to and yet he kept seeing her. So disrespectful to you, especially after you voiced your thoughts on it!!
Or think about it backwards. You are so messed up over some chick your gunna let it ruin your life. Don't go to dinner. Stop crying about it. It's not a big deal. If he wants to date a cheater, let him. When he gets cheated on, laugh at him. Obviously she likes him better dems the breaks, but once a cheater always a cheater (generally).
I think it is more the betrayal of the brother. Your parents and your siblings are suppose be there for you. I don't know if you have ever seen the movie The General's Daughter. It has been so many years, but from what I remember. This captain in the military ends up dying in the same pose she was in when she was found after being gang raped and beaten. Basically, she was a lot better than her male classmates, so they attacked her. Her father who was also in the military along w/ another higher up decided to cover it up, because it wouldn't look good on the military. At the hospital, her father told her to forget it happened. Basically, the betrayal of her father caused her life to do down hill and I wouldn't say much more if you decide to watch it. It is an extreme example, but there is something about betrayal. If you lost your life saving and it took you a while to get back on your feet, due to some con artist. I don't think anyone would be too happy with their sister or brother starting to date them. How could someone who cares for you be w/ someone who wronged someone they cared in such a way. If that makes sense
I appreciate what your saying, but from OPs post it sounds like he was barely with this girl. Sounds like his brother is more serious with her then they ever were. Plus it's some stupid 18 year old relationship. I get that those feelings are real and at that age it seems like the most important thing in the world. At 32 it just doesn't sound that deep thou. I could be wrong. I get where your coming from.
I agree, he barely knew this girl and it doesn't seem serious at all. That wasn't the issue, the betrayal of the brother is what is the issue. I understand not everyone is bothered by the same thing. I was watching this show hoarders to help me clean since I had time during covid, and this man who was gay came from a conservative area. I think a little after he came out I think at 14-17 years old. Basically, his aunt told her brother his father " turn or burn." I don't believe in hitting ,and my siblings would NEVER have thought or said something like that, but if I was the father in that situation. I would have said, " run for your life." I don't care if it was my sister, I have told her , " get the F- out" because if I look at you one more second I'm going to be in jail. That is the reaction , you would hope. The issue the hoarder had w/ all the abuse he was getting from those backwards people, his father still attended the church. I get it , you have to accept the father, but I understand where the son is coming from, the father should have at least changed churches. Going to that place after what they said about his son. After what they put him through, and still being on friendly terms
You got this man
Just take a deep breath say your piece and drop the mic.
It'll feel good afterwards
Time to grow a spine, dude. Your brother can’t even look you in the eyes and he’s hoping you’ll be too embarrassed to tell your mother. Tell her and don’t hide in your own house. If they want to have dinner you just do your own thing.
Your brother really has balls. I really have no words. Is he really that hard up for some action that he has to sink to this level?
I’ll do it. What’s her number?
Smoothest attempt to slide into OP's mom's DM's I've ever seen on Reddit
Then what could be easier than just not being present? Be elsewhere, everyone knows why!
You gotta stand up for yourself or things like this will always happen to you. Shoot your mom a quick text “hey this girl cheated on me with my brother, so I can’t attend tonight”. Let your mom know she’s a slore and go about your day. You didn’t do anything wrong.
Learning to stand up for yourself and defend your principles and honor is part of becoming a man. This is an important choice about the kind of man you want to be in the future.
Do your future self a favor and be the kind of man who respects himself and doesn't let people walk over him just to not rock the boat.
Yeah, this. I don't know about honor and all that stuff, but you have a right to nope the fuck out of being around toxic people. That's the thing, this is toxic as shit.
She cheated on you, that's bad enough; however, she did it with your brother, knowingly? And now she's coming to meet the folks? That's some drama-seeking toxic bullshit that's going to explode on everyone's faces sooner or later. Save everyone some grief. (including your poor, deluded, idiot brother who's clearly letting little bro do all the thinking.)
Send her a text, then?
You got this. X & your brother are acting like POS. Don't let them control your behavior and emotions.
I hate to use this term but it’s fitting “bros before hoes” that is pitiful and distasteful your blood brother would hook up or date or whatever a girl who you had a relationship with. I don’t care how small of town you live in, I live in a town of 600 and there are slim pickings but I’d never do such a thing.
What a Dick move on your brothers part, he will later regret this when their fling goes south. Shameful of him to do such a thing. Blood is thicker than water, or in this case sperm.
In response to your latest edit, tell your mother:
“mom you know that what my brother did was a betrayal, it’s more than a “tangled web.” This girl hooked up with my brother knowing that he was my brother after telling me she liked me.“
“If you want us to “move past it,“ then you’ll need to talk to my brother about family loyalty. He hooked up with a girl that I liked, and then kept going with her after he found out what she did to me, and then snuck her in the house so he could keep hooking up with her.“
“I will not ever be coming to any meal where she is there. And I will not be Continuing my relationship with my “brother” until he apologizes to me for lying to me and basically cheating with a girl that I was seeing. I’m not going to argue semantics.”
“And if anyone expects me to ever have a relationship with them, they better not behave that way. And I think you need to develop a better moral compass, because it sounds like you want to rug sweep this and have me just conveniently forget and have dinner with some trollop and my lying brother. Not going to happen.”
“Please decide what kind of relationship you want to have with me when you’re making your decision about how much to accommodate my brothers behavior. It isn’t OK and at least he could’ve had the respect and courtesy to come to me and talk about it if he was going to continue seeing her.”
You’re going to have to man up if you want to defend yourself here and stop being afraid to say what you think because you have every right to be angry. On the other hand your brother is an asshole and a liar and this girl is meaningless and she obviously doesn’t mean anything she says and so I don’t think she’s worth the trouble but I still would not feel obligated to sit with her at dinner and pretend.
IDEA: go to dinner and ask them as if you don’t know her “how did you guys meet?“ “Where are you seeing anyone else when you met him?“ “How often have you snuck in and out of the house for a booty call?“ and whatever else is bothering you. “I get that you preferred my brother but it’s too bad you couldn’t be honest or my own brother couldn’t be honest with me, kind of blew up our relationship.”
If you struggle to say it maybe just giver her this Reddit post to read. That way she can understand what happened and your feelings on it too.
You can blast them on social media. They deserve it.
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/okmzme/the_girl_i_was_exclusive_with_kissed_my_brother/h58zddb/) elsewhere in this comment section.
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Please do this OP.
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/okmzme/the_girl_i_was_exclusive_with_kissed_my_brother/h58x3gv/) elsewhere in this comment section.
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Both your brother and X are assholes. Sorry man. Of course dont go to that dinner and explain the reason to your mother. Its understandable 100% that you wouldnt feel comfortable, and your mental health is more important than this shit.
Your username is crazy relatable, and thanks for the advice
Your brother is a scumbag
Your brother is now worse than x. Ok, first round was on her. But knowing what happened between you and x, he continues?
Tell your mom you don't want her there due to the history, she may not know.
Facts it’s the second round that got me and inviting her for dinner like wtf
As a mother I know she will understand whatever it is you tell her. Just be honest, honesty is the best policy. I’m sure she’s be happy you confided in her
Don’t assume all mothers are understanding. Hopefully she won’t try to coerce OP to dinner once she knows about the tension to that whole situation.
That’s true but OP knows whether their mom is able to be understanding. Just my advice
Heh... just get over it. We forgave him why can't you?
That's what my mother said in regards to my brother. That was one of the last times I talked to her. Been 29 years.
Lots of times family doesn't want to choose sides. Not choosing a side is choosing a side. It's not the side of the betrayed one.
You brother is older than you and your brother knows exactly what he is doing, your brother knows exactly how he is hurting you. Put your foot down, tell your mom the details and then leave it on your mom and brother to decide. If they both go against your wishes, you will know your worth in your brother's and mom's life.
If mum goes against my wishes I will be crushed and I think she would. The reasoning for this is because neither me or my brother have had anyone over for dinner before so I think mums really excited and would hate for anything to be ruined.
Listen to what you said. She'd be all excited to have her Son's girlfriend over for dinner - *even though she cheated on her other Son.* That is NOT how any of this is supposed to work! If your Mom honestly thinks this is OK, you have some major family problems.
I'd explain the situation to her. It's highly likely that your PoS Brother has spun things so he doesn't look like so much of a turd as he actually is. Lay your cards on the table and make sure everyone knows that you think this is messed up and that for said reasons, you won't be there.
If, after all that, they go ahead, then I hate to say this, but you'll have to make some plans for the future. If they'll happily screw you over (literally) to this degree, If I were you, I'd minimise any contact with them when I eventually moved out and got my own place.
Inevitably, your Bro will come crawling to you for forgiveness when she does the same to him. When he is ugly-crying and telling you how much you mean to him - just remember how he is now with you. THAT is the person he really is. When, not if, this happens, tell him to take a long walk on a short pier.
Having family is great and can be the cornerstone of your life. Unfortunately, having abusive family who disregard you can have the entirely opposite effect on your life. Protect yourself (and any future partners and possible children) by keeping these creatures at arm's length.
If she cares more about playing happy family than actually creating an enviroment where her family feels comfortable... Well, I don't really need to spell it, do I?
The girl is a bitch, your brother is an asshole. I'd cut them both out of my life. Don't waste your time on them. You don't have to attend dinner - make plans with your friends. Ignore them, even if they're kissing right in front of you - no reaction, just act like they're not there. When they break up (they're two dumb kids, of course they will break up), don't forget about what they did to you. Your brother may try an excuse like saying he was blind or something - bullshit. There's billions of single women out there - why did he have to chose this one? For all of those who tries to get you to forgive him, ask them why they don't care about you (and since they don't, you don't really have to care about them).
Never forget your friends who had your back. And the best revenge is a life well lived - find your purpose in life and give your all to that. Let the kids waste time with dumb issues; be the grown up and reach for things that matter.
This guy knows what's up, hope OP reads this
Wouldn't it be nice to know how much your mother really cares for you? Because obviously your brother doesn’t care and if your mom is the same why would you give them your energy?
You do realize that that would be incredibly selfish of your mom? And I hope you also realize that by doing this she is prioritizing your brother over you?
I am not trying to push you against your family, my intention is to empower your self worth.
>The reasoning for this is because neither me or my brother have had anyone over for dinner before so I think mums really excited and would hate for anything to be ruined.
It's gonna be ruined anyway when everything is really awkward, nut up and tell her.
You could point out that you’re likely to ruin any dinner with your cheating x and asshole brother involved. It won’t go well to have you there, not to mention how you’ll view mom and dad from now on.
Actually - Your mom will be more than likely be hurt when she finds out the *truth*. And she will be so upset this was the first girl she had over for her sons. That’s a horrible way to taint the experience for your mom... forever.
It IS already ruined
Maybe you should have a long chat with your brother and tell him he’s made you uncomfortable. And maybe your mom too if you need to get her involved
Honestly? It might just be time to throw hands with your brother.
I'm not even one to recommend violence or fighting in general, but this is a fucked up level of disrespect. I'm not sure how exactly I would react in this scenario, but I'm pretty sure it would involve me punching my brother in the face.
Even if I lose the fight. I'm going to get some hits in.
Better to know right now how many people you're wasting time on than find out much later after having wasted that time.
You get ONE life, spend it wisely.
If the people in your life don't have your back, they can fuck off, and you can move on to people that are more deserving of your time.
if she is happy to have her around even after what she did, then find an exit plan from your home. What a shit family that IS. don't be like them
Cut off with ur brother and tell ur mother u wont be there for that 'dinner'. Have a spine OP and stand up for yourself, else you will be a doormat for rest of ur life.
And let me tell u one more thing, YOUR BROTHER KNEW SHE WAS YOUR THING WHEN THEY FIRST HOOKED UP !
I would tell your mom what happened that she cheated with your brother I would tell her that she new he was your brother and if she wants her over for dinner then fine but you won’t be there and your relationship will be damaged because your relationship with your brother already is
Take some time to collect your feelings and approach the topic with your mother.
“ mom, I will not be attending family dinner tonight. X and I were dating when she went behind my back to initiate a relationship with Brother. I understand Brother had no idea I was dating her at the time, but they really hurt my feelings. I don’t think this dinner is right place for me.”
But also, you might want to consider they may stay together, their relationship is clearly progressing. It’s absolutely shitty what they did to you, but you may have to choose soon if you want to continue a relationship with your Brother and his new GF.
Sorry you feelings and being stomped on and destroyed. Your brother isn’t thinking about you and I’m sure it hurts. Best of luck friend.
His brother then continued to see her btw.
Yeah I meant like long term it’s been a couple of months and more of sneaking her in the house. Now that she’s coming to dinner, it sounds like it’s becoming more real.
I'm kind of happy about this, OP should definitely be a total asshole about it when she inevitably cheats on him too
Your brother is a loser
I’m honestly surprised your brother was willing to take that on. Says a lot about brother. He’s letting you know you can’t trust him, he’s out for himself first. Sad especially if this isn’t her first time pulling stuff like this. It will happen again.
I’m not sure if it’s to late but I would have laid it out to my brother. “Your willing to date someone that not only was willing to cheat but has no problems with breaking families to do so. She’s done this before and your willing to break your relationship with me over this girl and one that will probably cheat on you too. Your telling me what kind of person you are and that I can’t trust you, I hope she’s worth it.”
Grow some spine. Just say it like it is. If your mother starts any drama, you're 18. An adult under the law, she can't force you to participate. So just leave before the assholes (x and your brother) get together and go have fun with your friends. When you get back in the house, please, kick your brother in the balls really, really hard? For me and yourself.
Good luck, man, you're surrounded by assholes, see your brother as an enemy from now on.
Your brother is a cunt.
Tell your mom that you won't be there when she comes over and explain why in detail. And then make sure to tell your brother that this isn't okay and go as LC as you can with him.
Theres a line here and he crossed a long time ago.
-Your brother is a cunt- I couldn’t of said it better myself
Yeah I’d let brother know he doesn’t have a brother anymore. Make sure both your parents know he’s a piece of shit.
oh, in light of new evidence, 100%. But let's assume he didn't, it would have been all water under the bridge if it just ended as a hook up at a club with some girl who turned out to be dating his bro. he's now a huge piece of shit. regardless of how it first went down, it was clear little bro was upset and he did it anyway and is really only concerned with how he got caught.
If I were you, I would be like: “I don’t think I can let it go as you wish, mom. He betrayed me, my brother, the person I should have blindly trusted betrayed me for a girl. You can hang out with cheaters however you want, but you have no right to tell me let it go. I can't just let it go like you said and wait for my brother to stab me in the back again. He chose that girl over his own brother and didn't even apologize to me. In this case, I am not at fault. My brother made his choice. You don't have any right to tell me what to do, because I didn't do anything wrong. My plan is to never trust him again.”
Agree. Even his mother betrayed him. Would be prety upset with both, she clearly sees his brother as the "golden child".
She realy have a shady morale standart like op have to move forewart to be there for his brother... I personaly would go nc/ less contact with brother or even with the mother. I cut my cheating dad out of my life from the age of 16 up till today(30) and dont even thinking about it to bring him back.
Not the kind of people i want and need in my life.
Jeez, this sounds like it can be a movie with “X” and your brother being the antagonists but then you find a nice girl that you fall in love with randomly. Then “X” gets jealous of the cute new girl you met and is angry that you’re happy and stops paying attention to your brother and tries to get back with you but you stay with the new girl. Then your brother gets mad and dumps “x”. Then it’s just you, “new girl”, and your bro at family gatherings.
I like it. Or, you find a new girl, which upsets your brother because she's hotter than "x". So he tries to move on the new girl which upsets "x" who dumps him. Meanwhile your mom wants to envite the nice girl for dinner, but you decline explaining you prefer to have dinner with her family because they actually care for you.
On a serious note, you have a right to not be at those family gatherings and it wouldn’t hurt telling your parents why.
Man, i'd go watch that movie, 10/10 script bravo
Just saying whoever this friend was who kept you In the loop they are a star.
I love them
They would both be dead to me from then on, and I'd not be going to dinner with either of them again.
Tell your mom.
Also, since your brother is sneaking around trying to get his dick wet, you need to ice him out for now. He's beyond broken the bro code. You can repair your relationship later if he is remorseful.
Finally, reach out to X. Say, "I will never forgive the way you snuck around on me with my brother. I will be telling my parents. Please stay out of my house and my life." By doing this you will raise the awkwardness stakes for her and give her a little taste of the social consequences of sleeping around. Doubt she'll show her face at your house for long.
Tell everyone on the dinner table that she was your gf before and she cheated on you with your brother. Then say you thought you could be having dinner together but in reality you can, you are disgusted. Then leave for a walk.
They will at least have some headache with your parents.
I don't know if it's childish or not to do this, but it's for sure a good way to make his brother and x feel bad
Ya not false
yep. do this early, before your folks get attached to it. Make it clear your bro found out after the initial hookup where she knew, but then he progressed after. then update us lol
Honestly. It may seem pretty, but I think creating an air of shame in your home is important. OP has to mark his territory. If brother is gonna continue to be a scumbag, he can at least do it in a car or at her place. OP doesn't need that shit at his own home.
From what I read she wasn't ops girlfriend, he just confessed feelings...he thought it was exclusive after one conversation...cmon?
If your mother doesn't know the whole story, it might be time to let her know the whole story.
I would also excuse yourself from that dinner and I would IMMEDIATELY let your brother know you will NOT doing anything with him. She knew and then HE knew, now they both know and they are going on.
I am more concerned that your mother will condone it all because she wants to keep the peace.
Take care of yourself first and if this situation continues, it might be time to remove yourself from this
Just tell your parents what happened and if they insist on still having her for dinner, don't even bother attending!
"Hey, mom and Dad, I don't like the Idea because I was dating her, we were exclusive, she went out alone one night and hooked up with him. I didn't know we were a thing, so I wasn't mad at him, but what he has done afterwards makes me think that he would have done it even if he knew. And she is not someone I want to share a family meal with, so, if she is coming, I'm not"
See? Three sentences and that is it!
And your brother... Well, you can choose your frinds, but you can't choose your family, isn't it?
All my best wishes to you
Why not tell your mom if X is here, you won’t be, then tell her why.
Just tell your mother that you won't be attending the dinner and make plans to go out of the house to Friends or something like that.
When you are leaving tell your mother why you are going and tell your brother that he is a huge cunt and that he can't come crying back to you when she cheats on him. He had burned the bridge. Then tell them to enjoy your mothers cooking and leave with a smile.
Youth is on your side, enjoy it. A word of advice that should be taken straight to the heart never ever date anyone your brother or sister dated. I'm 59 years old I have a great relationship with my siblings. As teenagers we never dated the same people we didn't even have the same friends. I think that allowed us to always be each other's friends. I can't express to you how much family will mean to you when you're older. Husbands and wives sometimes come and go but sisters and brothers last forever.
Absolutely. Even more so when your parents are long gone. My siblings and I are closer together than ever now.
Cut off your brother, don't attend the dinner. Tell your mom what you're telling us
If she understands fine, it she doesn't her problem
Talk to your parents immediately and then again to your brother in front of them. This is absolutely disgusting and inappropriate! If they don’t stand by you for whatever reason, consider to move away from home and live your own life far from all of them. But not before you ruin their dinner in a way that they will remember for the rest of their miserable life!!
Good luck 🍀
Your brother is a rat, how can he do that to you.
"Mom, listen to me, we have to talk about dinner and X.
A couple of months ago, I had a relationship with X, we were not officially dating but it seemed that the relationship was going in that direction, until 3 months ago when she cheated on me with Brother.
One night she went out to party and I didn't because I had to work. The next day a friend told me that she had hooked up with Brother. I confronted Brother and he told me that he didn't know that she had a relationship with me and he apologized. I believed him and accepted those apologies. On the other hand, X knew that Brother was my brother. When I confronted her, she initially didn't tell me anything but then accepted it and started crying and apologizing.
That she cheated on me with my brother hurt me a lot; And besides, I knew that she had cheated on her previous partners, so I decided to definitively cut my relationship with her.
A week later, I found out that she had been coming home at night to see Brother. I confronted him again, I told him that his relationship with her bothered me and hurt me, he didn't tell me anything, the only thing he asked me was how I found out that she had come home.
From the looks of it, he continued his relationship with her, despite what she had done to me. This is your house, and if you want to invite her to dinner I will accept it no matter how much pain it causes me; but I'm not going to sit at the table with my ex who cheated on me with my brother. If it were up to me, I would never see her again. Honestly, it hurts me that he chooses her over me, his family, but it seems like he doesn't care about me in the least."
Think I might use this one
Regarding your last update. Make a new post for the advice that you need.
This is true u/YOBAS6010. Please consider making another post for advice.
I hope you didn’t go to the dinner or, if you did, at least explain IN PERSON to all parties at the dinner the situation. This girl and your brother are scumbags and your mother is an enabler. I wouldn’t be surprised if this chick cheats on your brother in the future tbh.
This is the kind of person your brother is. Never forget that he doesn't care about you as much as he does about getting laid.
I suggest you move out as soon as possible and remove this toxic part of your life. It will have a negative effect on your mental health.
Did you end up going to dinner?
Also why are you the one that needs to turn the other cheek and let it go when he betrayed you. I don't think you should have a good relationship with him after this (if one at all) if he'll fuck your girlfriend then continue once you find out and bring her home to mom and dad.
Something similar happened to me with an ex and my sister and we have little to no relationship now. She never changed. I would stay as far away from him as possible. I'm sorry OP.
Yep, after edit #4 your Mom is totally on board with sweeping this under the rug and wants you to be the one to make up with your brother.
Screw that! I see that she wants everything to be OK at the house but it will not be. Do not go to the dinner. They all think you should roll over and show your belly in submission. Don't stand for it. The disrespect is flowing out of them like venom.
Alternative plan: attend the dinner and have a big stupid grin on your face the whole time. Casually slip in comments like “when I was your boyfriend.”
Flex on the other two with your calm.
I'm a spiteful son of a bitch, so I'd tell tell your mother everything, the cheating, the fake apology, her spending the night at your house. And then absooooooolutely terrorize him.
Drop exlax in his drinks if you know he's going out, stink bombs in his room, you can get some nasty itching powder online.
At the very least you have to tell your parents, your brother is a next level piece of shit and no one wants a cheater at the dinner table.
Well, just found my favorite person in this thread. I would also make his life a living hell.
Don't be scared walk into that dinner like you own the place make them both feel as uncomfortable as you can . I would take it a step further and ask your brother to pass you something and say " Hey can you not put your dick in it like you did my girl " then look at her and go back to eating your dinner.
Don't forget to bring up her history of doing this before to other guys.
Even if it's not true who would believe her when she cheated on her boyfriend with his brother.
O yeye and throw in how she's been sneaking over in the middle of the night, at y'alls parents house
Yes 1000x, yes!
You did the right thing by breaking up. Now don't go to your family dinner and tell both your parents why. They are mostly likely going to support you over him/her.
Just tell her the truth. Also, at this point you have to know that your brother probably knew about the two of you at the time.
Also it would be one thing if your brother even attempted an actual apology- from what is written here that does not seem to be the case. He didn’t even TRY to reconcile anything. You’re younger- stop taking it when people step on you NOW because it is much harder to stop doing that when you’ve been doing it forever.
Wow, wtf is wrong with your crooked ass family?! Don't show up to dinner and don't let them make you feel guilty about it, either.
Get that 20-year-old man out the house?
Your brother is trash. The ex is too but that goes without saying.
I wonder if your brother really had no idea, because now he does know and is CHOOSING to bang her while hiding it from you. AND instead of apologizing for it, all he wanted to know was who told you. Your brother is a piece of work and if your mom supports it, then I would really recommend you think on if you want two people like that in your life.
If you don't want to be there, don't be there. You're 18. If your brother doesn't respect you, then distance yourself from him. He'd rather get laid than be your brother. Fine, he's no brother to you. Tell him as much and that he can go fuck himself, you're done with him. Get over this chick. If she'll do that to you, and has done it to others, she'll eventually do it to him too, and he can deal with it alone. What goes around, comes around.
your brother is being a fucking idiot. and that girl is discusting. [brother](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRc11pf61Ow)
Be honest with your parents why you will not be having dinner. Go out with your friends while she is there.
she cheated on you, she’ll cheat on him… and he’s stupid not to see that.
If you don’t feel Comfortable sharing space with her (which I completely understand), then either tell your mother why, or make yourself scarce. Do not feel you have to sit and suffer to keep the peace.
You are sleeping with the enemy, good thing to hear that you are telling your parents, let's hope that your parents have five senses in their head. Now, for the cases that I have seen in reddit, the people in the position of your brother sometimes end up gaslighting the people on your position or undermining their feelings and experience, so be careful with your brother, and be prepared for him to try to make one of those things to you
Jesus your brother is absolutely shit. My brothers and I would never ever do such a thing. So sorry man.
Your brother is the bad person. What a scum bag.
Your brother is a complete a**hole. I cannot stand it when people say, well that is between you too. Which I do agree with in some cases, however not when that person does something terrible to someone I care about that is such betrayal. Shame on your brother, and the girl is a psycho b**. She purposely went after your brother for whatever reason. That is such a terrible thing for both of them to do. I completely agree and am on your side. If someone did something awlful to someone I cared about I would be pissed, the last thing I would do is want them around me. I just don't understand how your brother can be so amoral. I personally wouldn't want either one of them around me, because both of them make me sick. I still cannot believe your brother, I wouldn't want her around me due to what she did even if it wasn't someone I knew, then for your brother to be ok w/ that and then to make it so much worse it was his brother. He is such a horrible person and esp. brother
Tell your mother this is not execrable and this is something that can just be swept under the rug. Tell her that your relationship with won’t be good for a long time even if he did break up with her. He knew it was wrong and he had the intention to never tell you. Tell your father about what happened and the text that your mother answered with. Tell them if nothing will happens you will resent your brother for what he did and resent your mother for doing absolute nothing with the situation. And tell them if nothing happens you will stay away from the house has much as possible.
So how did your family react were they not angry or disappointed at your brother who stop x from coming to dinner are they still dating
Dinner is tonight where as a family we will be discussing the situation.
Mum seems annoyed at both x and my brother however just wants to see her two sons get a long and be brothers (she used those words).
Dad said he’s not picking sides but by the sound of things I think he’s going to get my brother to do a lot of explaining.
My brother hasn’t texted or talked to me since I first messaged my parents.
To be completely honest I think this open communication in your family is great. It might be awkward but ultimately it's a good thing
It’s going to be so awkward
Any more updates?
Any chance you’ll update again?
It is not your fault that an idiot is texting and driving. Or driving while emotionally incapable of driving. He crashed his car and texted you to help him? Help! Come now!! And he is fine no injuries. He was a coward and didn't talk to you to your face. Didn't come to a family meeting. He is showing his lack of spine and honor.
If he was honorable, he would have come to you early on and layed it out on the table. If he had done that, then maybe I would have been OK with his relationship with her. But not now.
It’s not your fault this is al consequences of his actions I will also say that he was either driving from or to her
Your brother is a total asshole. It’s definitely not your fault he crashed his car. It’s annoying cause assholes like him always seem to find a way to become victims instead of perpetrators. I’m not gonna say he did it on purpose but the timing of this is just too much.
Now your parents are just going to be worried about this crash. I really hope it doesn’t end with them imploring you to bury the hatchet cause he has suffered enough or some bullshit.
Stop with the edits and make new post. No one would know that you are still editing.
I would be present at dinner and very talkative. I would also not refer to her in any other way than a cheater. If i understand correctly, i would ask you brother how long does he think it will take her to cheat on him.
But im petty and don't feel any need to be "the bigger man" to people that hurt me.
Call me crazy, but I personally think it would make EXCELLENT dinner conversation to bring this up at the table....
But that's just me...lol
Sooo… “wanting to see where the relationship goes” to me doesn’t indicate exclusivity or necessarily even serious dating. If she didn’t explicitly say “I want to date you and am interested in being with you” then I wouldn’t even consider it dating, much less if she explicitly agrees to being exclusive. You also mention that you were “talking for a while”… how long? What consists of talking- where you just hanging out, chatting? Were you kissing, engaging in sexual activity? It sounds to be me like there was a mutual crush/possible dating interest misconstrued as a relationship or exclusivity.
Does that make it ok that she didn’t stop your brother before having a conversation with you, since there were some feelings involved? No. It was totally rude, but it doesn’t sound like she considered you exclusive or a boyfriend. It sounds like there were things she did really like about you but found herself more interested in your brother- enough so that she’s had no problem spending a lot of physical time with him and meeting your parents.
Does this suck? Yes. Should she have to earn your friendship back? Yes. Do you deserve to take some time away until your feelings heal/not attend dinner? Yes absolutely. Just don’t linger too long on something that doesn’t sound like it was on the same page.
The good saying, “If they want to, they will” is some of the best advice I can give as someone who has been on both sides of this equation when I was around your age. Something to learn is that some people WANT to like someone because they treat them well, or for their own egos- and will say things that can be interpreted as romantic, when really they love the IDEA of being with you while keeping their options open. Sounds like our girl here is dealing with some integrity issues. She may have been overwhelmed with attraction for your brother, but she should have messaged you in the morning and been clear instead of making you look foolish.
You dodged a bullet. Learn now not waste any time on anyone who has blatantly disrespects you. Dust yourself off and be available for someone with integrity. Her behavior- the lying part and hiding part- shows everything about her and doesn’t reflect on your worth at all.
Ok so clearly she was one testing to see if you were a bitch she can control and 100% your brother knew who she was.
And the result was that you were half a bitch. You weren't a complete bitch because you broke up with her and didn't give her a second chance.
You are still half a bitch by the language you use. You should be more assertive, there is nothing wrong with being a respectful person who wants peace but the moment you let other people walk over you, it stops being "respectful" it just becomes being a coward.
I'm not saying ur a coward and even when I use the word bitch I'm trying to ignite your emotions.
You clearly have a problem with having people respect you yet from your friend's it seems like your a good guy people actually love.
You have self worth, but your brother and x used your good nature and abused it, giving you a total lack of respect.
Tell your brother that she cheated on you and how it actually makes you feel (don't mince your words) and that he can continue his relationship with her but ad long as he does then he isn't your brother.
Tell your mom what X and your brother did and tell her they are doing it on purpose to rub it in and if she truly loves you as your mother she wouldn't let them rub your face into your heart that they smashed into a pulp.
And if she does let X come then she will always be your mother and that won't change but your relationship will never be the same and you will always remember the day she worked together with the cheaters who hurt you, to completely destroy you.
Be expressive don't be subdued or they will walk over you more and more.
You need to tell your mom the whole story. If you don't, she can't do anything to protect you, and she won't have any idea what's going on between you and your brother. Why would you be hesitant to tell your parents? You did absolutely nothing wrong. Regardless, I'd refuse to attend the dinner. But if you don't tell them *why* you're declining, then *you* look like the asshole. Why do that unnecessarily when the asshole is your brother? Let him take the heat.
You dodged a bullet and now your brothers taking it. He’s an idiot. Every time she goes clubbing she’s probably hooking up with someone new. Don’t go to dinner. Warn your brother she’s a serial cheater and it’s messed up he’s still seeing her.
Pipe both of them
Well, what goes around comes around. It's only a matter of time before she cheats on your brother.
Dude don’t be afraid to speak the truth. To anyone.
"Maybe Brother shoudln't put his D in my GF so we can have a good relationship. How do YOU not have a problem with him being so ready to betray me?"
I guess you still live with your parents and brother (?), any chance to get out?
I don't know what would be more disgusting if she had sex sith the both of you or if she didn't have sex with you but hooked up with your brother the first time they met? And does your mother even know the full story or just whatever story your brother decided to tell her? Like what kind of mother would be fine with one brother hooking up with another brothers girlfriend?
She’s not fine with it, she just doesn’t know how to approach the situation without causing family conflict.
If he showed up at dinner like he was supposed to he wouldn't have crashed his car.
He doesn't love her he's a scared ass pathetic 20 year old who still lives at home with no friends, who's wrecked his relationship with his brother and changed the way his parents and your friends look at him all for some barely legal tail, that doesn't love him and will most likely cheat on him.
You did nothing wrong give him and her no energy, surround yourself with your real friends, think about moving out soon. They will try to bait you but ignore them. You will be fine. Your parents seem to know your brother is in the wrong and don't want to take sides cuz they love you both but tell them as far as you are concerned you and your brother are done. And it's his choice.
Ps, she probably won't want him anymore now that he doesn't have a car lol,
I’m sorry but I would honestly hate my sibling for this. If they knew how this would hurt me then continued to do it I probably wouldn’t ever speak to them again. Like THATS how they feel about you and your feelings? It’s your decision and family might be super important to you but I know I couldn’t be in the same room with my sibling, let alone speak with them ever again for something like this
Oh man that's rough. I'm sorry that you're dealing with that. I hope your mum can look past her excitement and stick up for you! Your brother is being a dickhead!
Uninvited her. Tell her you don't want to see her again. Period. If you dobt demand respect from others then how are they suppose to respect you?
You can say that x cheated of you to your parents without mentioning it was with your brother. That should be enough to get them to uninvite her without making tensions horrible
You need to bang her to level the playing field. Then neither of you will want her.
Tell your parents the truth about your brother and X. And if they still invite the trash to dinner, then excuse yourself. You don't have to force yourself to watch this dumpster fire up close.
I am so sorry your brother betrayed you. He's a damn fool picking someone who is a known cheater over his own brother. Like I said, dumpster fire waiting to happen.
Ok, so what was your brothers plan? have a nice family dinner? like yeah she was dating bro but she cheated with me and i liked it and have no family values to tell her to go lay on a ditch. or mom asking where did you met? in a club she was cheating my bro and after i knew that im into that freaky stuff? Also update on the dinner. Just tell your mom the general thing, you are correct to expect mom to not take your side this is dumb but the older son sometimes get a free pass to being a jerk or do idiotic stuff, just dont be at anything that is a gathering with both of them. You deserve better.
You need to break up with x. Preferably before dinner and tell them honestly why. It may be messy but just know it’s better for everyone in the long run ❤️
Dude Thanks your Bro for taking out the Trash as the Trash Bag goes hand in hand
Tell Mom what happen if she doesn't know but remind her ultimately is your decision & your alone to decide whether you're willing to have a meal with them... The End
OP, tell your Mom in detail who the girl is and what she has done. Then tell your Mom, if this person comes to dinner that you will not be in attendance.
If your mother has any moral fiber, she probably will put the kabosh on the dinner invite. Who would want such a 'viper' in their house? If I were your Mom, I would be mortified to find out later that this poor excuse of a human being had been welcomed into my home.
So find out what kind of family you have. We already know that your brother is in name only. He is a true POS.
You need to find out if your whole family is toxic or if it is just your brother.
So please give your Mom a heads up on this person's character before she crosses the threshold.
If she proceeds, as already mentioned, exclude yourself from this interaction and any future ones. Thankfully, you are legally an adult. Start planning to move out and then either go Low Contact or No Contact with your family.
Don't suffer the indignity in silence. There is no shame to be carried by you. All the shame is on your brother for conducting himself in this manner.
Hugs to you.
I would tell my parents the reason why so that they know why I don’t have a brother anymore and how they will lose a son too if they allow her in the house.
Put your fucking foot down. I’ve had this happen to me on a much milder level (I was never with a girl or anything) but I had betrayal and I drew a line in the sand.
I could never do that to a brother.
But fret not, she'll cheat on him too.
And he'll come running to you for comfort.
Politely remind him he is a bag of dicks.
I'd tell your mum that you want to be excused from dinner(outside of your brother's hearing)
When she asks why
Confess it all
Really,it would feel like a weight off
Shit, I’d do it in front of him. Let him defend his behavior to her too.
Do not be home for the tramp and your scummy brother
It honestly doesn't sound like you were ever dating this person
Your brother is a piece of shit, sorry.
You seem like such a cool dude. Honestly, just bring it up, otherwise it will take a toll on your mental health. Your brother is an asshole, so is x, let karma do its own thing
I would sit down to dinner with her then once drinks are served I would stand up throw a drink in her face call her a f****** s*** and tell your brother to go f*** himself and then just walk away.
When people show you what they really are consider it a favor.
I am surprised that your mother would actually entertain this, your brother is out of order
damn thats tough, this girl is bad news. best to keep your distance from your bro and her for as long as possible
This is a horrible situation and your brother is a nobhead clearly thought with his dick more than his actions hurting a close one.
I would say definitely tell your mum and that you are not comfortable with her being in the house.
Also another thing to bear in mind is that this x, if she's done this before I'm sure she will definitely do it again. Best to tell your brother to get tested.
Apart from all of that there is something I want to mention, your brother is an adult and he can technically date who he wants and that's including x, now not many people would do that - bro code and all that. Trust me, I would be livid as your are. If your brother had the balls he would tell you in the first place and not do this sneaking around business. And speak to you like adults. That's just plain cowardice to me.
Another thing to mention this x who you're hung up by can I just say you got out just in time, now I know you're hurt but she doesn't seem like a great girl, she hooked up despite knowing your feelings and knowing who your brother is, she's lied after when you caught her and was only sorry she got caught. Sorry but thats not girlfriend material there and definitely not worth your time. Now, focus on yourself and find a better girl who will actually treat you well and not be a dickhead to you. When you next see her with your brother know that you haven't lost a thing, no instead you gained better perspective you deserve someone better than her.
There's only one way to get back at them. You have to fuck your brother now.
Tell your parents, your brother betrayed you. I would not go to dinner.
I think your brother is going to learn his lesson the hard way, it might not be quite yet but he will. You’re actually the lucky brother who’s made an escape. You should tell your mum what happened for sure. That girl is trouble no question.
Maybe you should have went to dinner and said "when do you plan on cheating on my brother or did you just cheat on me with him because you didn't respect me enough and thought he was better than me" there's no way you mom would think that dinner wouldn't be the most awkward dinner she could have possibly set up unless she doesn't care about your feelings and you OP don't deserve that
No, it’s not your fault. Did you put him behind that wheel? He choose to do that to himself. Your brother makes a lot of bad choices and you can’t suffer because of them. You did not choose to live all this, he did. And as a consequence you both have to go through some sh*t. But you did nothing wrong. I’m glad that he’s okay but I wouldn’t talk to him anymore. The only person he thinks is himself. All he do is victimizing himself and he’s trying to make you feel guilty. Do not fall his trap.
The best thing you can do is shame her at school and within your friend groups. Let everyone know that she will fuck practically anything that moves.
Did you and this girl have sex before she got woth your brother? Also I can't believe your mom sided with your brother what is wrong with her?
Bros before hoes, Plain and simple
Man up and slap your brother.