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blaulune

And she didn't die so the snake is right ;)


DerangedDeceiver

This is actually such an obvious problem the bible has that there's a standard theological comeback for it: "She died *spiritually* when she ate the ~~apple~~ fruit." No, I don't think its a good argument, either, but that's the Official Apologetic™ Edit: to clarify, this explanation is necessary for several of the translations of the bible which specify that god says if they eat the fruit of that tree, they will die **that day** Ex: English Standard Version (Genesis 2:17) "but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, **for in the day that you eat of it** you shall surely die." Edit 2: Ambiguized the fruit in question to ensure an unquestionable level of biblical accuracy in my heretical reddit comment.


xvtilburg

Ah yes, The Official Appleogetic


sensitivePornGuy

What I said was true... from a certain point of view.


metamet

*change the definition... carry the 9... exclude historical context... translate it again...* I present to you: Supply Side Jesus!


That_one_cool_dude

Huh... I did the same equation and got whiter than snow gun toating buff as hell Jesus. *checks the math* oh I carried the 6.


Professional-Hat-687

Oh shit, God also has the high ground. Eve never stood a chance!


ImJustHere4theMoons

Ah, the classic christian cop out: "It's up to (my) interpretation."


Alaska_Pipeliner

"We'll have to agree to disagree." No the fuck we won't, admit you have no idea what you're talking about and apologize for being a twat.


get_off_my_train

A certain point of view?!


DeadAntivaxxersLOL

i always thought the apple was just 'sex before marriage' and the very convincing snake was adam's penis. that's why the punishment was pain during childbirth. because christians dont literally believe adam and eve were the first humans right? its supposed to be a metaphor... fossil record literally proves without a doubt that humans didnt appear out of nowhere. wait a minute... are christians actually that fucking stupid lol


mintysdog

> wait a minute... are christians actually that fucking stupid lol It depends. There are 3 ways to deal with the conflict between scripture and scientific discovery: 1. The scripture is the literal word of God, therefore the science is somehow wrong (e.g. dinosaur skeletons are fake and put there to test faith). 2. There must be a way to make the scripture and the science agree (endless reinterpretation, "it's not literally saying...", etc). 3. "I don't care" The third is actually the healthiest and allows a lot of people to maintain some sort of religious aspect to their life, which may be incredibly important to them socially, while keeping it away from parts of their life where it might cause problems.


nota999

This might fall under 2 or 3, but the most common way to reconcile them is to point out that Genesis was not meant to be read as a literal account of history. Genre-wise it falls squarely into myth, which has never been meant to be read in the same way that we would read the modern genres of history or science.


mintysdog

Yeah, 2 and 3 can often combine into "This isn't supposed to be literal", which is fine. It's like parables, not intended to be a recording of historical event but an instructional narrative. I might agree or disagree with the particular lesson, but not the approach.


pathfinder1342

My interpretation of Genesis is that God works on the long-form, so the big bang took seven God Days™, which is not the same as human days. Also Adam and Eve are the first civilizations, or something like that, I don't particularly care about the specifics of that story past the moral points.


shononi

The moral points? As I recall the old testament is full of murder and incest.


pathfinder1342

Shhhh, we're not talking about the spicy stories right now.


Road_Whorrior

Don't forget slavery!


1mikeg

Yeah, but if you can't literally interpret the first part of the bible, then literal interpretation of any of part of the bible is invalid. That makes life tough for fundamentalists.


sleepydorian

I grew up in an evangelical church and they really did tell me that Adam and Eve were the first two humans. They were suspiciously silent on how the 3rd generation of humans was made (spoiler: incest is the only option).


mintysdog

It's always wild to me that these kind of churches exist. I think it's mostly because I don't have the same experience a lot of atheists do of having to reject a religious upbringing, I just wasn't raised religious and didn't have to go through being angry about being lied to. For me, reading the Bible was more like "Don't kill people huh? Wasn't going to anyway. No graven images? I'll carve what I want. Jesus is so mad he's making a whip on the spot to more effectively fuck some money changers' shit up? Sounds like a guy I could be friends with."


nikkitgirl

Yeah that Yeshiwa bin Yusef had some comradely views on banking. Shame about his delusions of grandeur and followers


mintysdog

Yeah, it's not all hits, and it was pretty much ruined by the move from 'fuck merchants' to 'These merchants shouldn't have so much power, you know who *should* have that power though, us the church, and by the way when we say "merchants" what we really mean is (((merchants))).'


metamet

Ted Cruz was just doing biblical research on Twitter.


sleepydorian

A very credible source


I_might_be_high_rn

I was also raised being told that Adam and Eve were the literal progenitors of the human race (southern Louisiana). They were just wilfully ignorant of the entire body of scientific discoveries that prove otherwise


Future_World_Ruler

You had me in the first half hahah, I was gonna say pretty sure you got a whole wack a christians in the South that take Adam and Eve veeeeeery seriously…. Don’t you know the earth is only 6000 years old!?


dumbass_sempervirens

"So Adam and Eve were the first people and we're all descendants of them?" "Yup!" "Wow, how many kids did they have?" "Oh, just the two sons."


ZAlternates

They were asexual Targaryens. Joking aside, my church growing up was non-denominational and said that when Adam and Eve broke the rules, they were cast out into a world of the unfaithful. This is why we have archeological evidence of Neanderthals and stuff, but they think the carbon dating method is clearly flawed. Then later in my teachings they said that God created a mature world for them to live in, which is why it appears super old but is only 6000 years ago. Then later someone decided to take 2 Peter 3:8 where he says “to the lord one day is like a thousand years” to explain that 6000 “days” and the 7 days of creation are much older “days”. Guess it just depends which pastor is rambling at the time. 🤷‍♂️


AngryScientist

It's more like 3 sons (Seth) and then a big question mark.


sleepydorian

Using the Bible to date events is going to give you a pretty bad time. They use a lot of stylized numbers and there are a lot of mythic/epic qualities to the older stories. There's even a lot of debate on when and how the Exodus occurred, which is made more complicated because the narrative sections disagree with the genealogies.


Soldus

That’s because the Exodus likely never happened. There are no records of a mass exodus of Jews in Egyptian history (which would definitely be noteworthy). Explicit references to Jews in Egyptian records simply state that they’re an Asiatic people living across the peninsula in Canaan.


sleepydorian

Oh for sure. There's no way a million people just left in a single night. I think it's very likely there were a bunch (but less than a million, maybe a couple hundred thousand on the high end but I would bet fewer, poorly speculation) of Jews in Egypt at some point and they kind of moved to Palestine in waves depending on the conditions in Egypt. I was listen to a podcast recently (the Bible for normal people episode 195) where Gary Rendsburg dates whatever big distinguishable exodus might have occurred (as opposed to a slow trickle over decades or centuries) to around 1200 BCE. And he focused on that date range specifically because there was a change in Egyptian dynasties and a period of relative chaos where they would have had the opportunity to leave in large numbers.


pathfinder1342

Religious studies are fun like that, old numbers and religiosity gets stupid confusing fast.


verdatum

The problem with the forbidden fruit being a metaphor for sex is that sex was not only not forbidden, it was directed by God, *twice* before Genesis Ch. 3: “be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth” (Gen. 1:28), and “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). But, yeah, it's mostly just a subset of Christians that get worked up about the story as though it should be taken literally. It's used as justification for the concept of Original Sin (not *technically* in the Bible), and often, a bunch of the Patriarchy stuff, although that certainly predates Christianity.


ModsLoveTheNazis

Didn’t understand the assignment, fucked the snake.


WithersChat

Take a guess...


StuGnawsSwanGuts

just take a glance at r/DebateEvolution some time. Yeesh!


Adony_

It was a test, that a refusal of knowledge is a sign of faith. Temptation is evil. Giving into temptation against the direction of God, was why they were ejected. This God guy sounds like a villain.


nikkitgirl

There’s a variety of interpretations from the explicitly literal to what you said to my favorite of it being a metaphor for becoming human, which came with understanding good from evil but had consequences like awareness of mortality and pain during childbirth (because big headed freak ape)


MagdaleneFeet

I mean, there has to be a huge nonbiblical debate over that as much as anything, right? Edit! I'm named after a bitey cat not mary! She died last year, poor kitty.


origamiscienceguy

I always thought they would live forever of they hadn't eaten it, but now they would die... eventually.


brrapppp

In a convoluted way she did die because she listened to the snake. It seems that part of the reason for banishing Adam and Eve from Eden after eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge was to prevent them from also eating from the tree of life, which would have granted them immortality.


silverletomi

But she didn't die from eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge which was what God had said would happen. So God lied. The sinner. And if she'd continued to listen to the snake and eat from the tree of life, as you noted, and lived forever then... well God was just fully lying there. She was going to die if she DIDN'T do what the snake was suggesting.


Zephandrypus

This is in the same book as the Binding of Isaac, which is when God pranks some guy into almost sacrificing his son, so it doesn’t surprise me.


brrapppp

I guess it's a metaphysical question. Is losing out on immortality the same as being sentenced to death?


silverletomi

If she wasn't immortal in the first place?


brrapppp

Its possible that they were already eating from the tree of life, but this seems to be contradicted by this phrase from genesis  “lest he reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat and live forever” (3:22), which seems to say that Adam at least had not yet eaten from the tree of life. Adam is also, at various points, described as "perishable", "corruptible" and "mortal". I think we're meant to assume that eve was of the same kind as Adam.


MegaFireDonkey

It might not be a 'correct' reading of Genesis but many Christians are taught that Adam and Eve were initially immortal and the original sin is what cursed all humanity to suffer in life then die. I was taught this in church, confirmation, and at a religious school I attended for 9 years. So I think that's why the op's meme makes sense to some people.


Jozarin

She was immortal in the first place. Death entered the world when Adam ate the fruit.


silverletomi

So then, and this is not meant to be confrontational I'm just not aware, what was the point of the tree of life?


aoteoroa

I'm not christian but grew up as one. The tree that adam and eve ate from is first referred to in the book of Genesis as the "Tree of Knowledge" not the tree of of life. There are also references later in the bible to a tree of life, and there is debate as to whether these are the same tree by two different names or two different trees.


RevolutionaryDong

The Tree of Life is first mentioned in Genesis 2:9, in the same sentence as the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. It is specifically referred to as another tree.


Clean-Hat2517

And if I remember correctly, they weren't forbidden from eating from the tree of life, just the tree of knowledge.


averyoda

Not in Genesis. In Genesis, Adam lost his spiritual purity when he ate the fruit of knowledge as he had committed sin in the eyes of God. His first death was being cast from the garden of Eden. Adam didn't physically die then, it was likely more metaphorical. That or God was just lying to him. The support for the innate human immortality interpretation doesn't come until much later in Romans. This interpretation is only useful to certain Christian sects as Jesus himself, as a Jewish apocalypticist, certainly would not have held this view.


silverletomi

ah gotcha, fair. I'm very rusty on my biblical mythology. I only really remember what I was taught in Sunday school, and even then I more remember the toys and games.


drfrenchfry

I thought it was more like God didn't want his creations to obtain equal power to his own. I don't know, I've heard several versions.


CaroCogitatus

This is correct. >And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever: [Genesis 3:22](https://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com/gen/3.html#22)


TotalSolipsist

But God literally says 'in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.' So according to God they should have died that same day.


Esoteric_Geek

Yep. He's just a big lying liar. The snake was telling the truth while ggODd was spreading misinformation.


radelix

Then why did God put curious humans in the garden without the capacity to understand consequences. Additionally, God being omnipotent, why didn't he put up a fence because God knew this would happen.


mastalavista

It was a threat, not a statement of fact. If a parent said to their kids “don’t run into the street, you’ll get run over” and then proceeds to run them over, that’s not really gonna stand in court.


chessdotbmp

Immortality is cringe. Living forever is the absolute idea of hell.


SatanIsMySister

People who believe in eternal life after death absolutely have not thought this far.


KKlear

No way. I'd just chill at the bottom of the Mariana trench with all the other cool immortal guys.


ParagonRenegade

No it isn't. Past a certain point, if you remained human, you'd just overwrite your old memories. You'd effectively live a continuous stream of different lives that each extended thousands of years, slowly forgetting the last. If you were augmented to be a transhuman or posthuman you could live an incredibly rich life that regular people can only dream of, and indefinitely expand your capacities and seek novel experiences (or erase your memory and re-experience those you've had). Of course, if you stay human you'll on average live only several hundred years before dying in an accident. And several hundred years is still not a very long time.


Realistic-Specific27

but he knew what WOULD happen and purposefully withheld that information because it would mess with his own plans


Jozarin

Strictly speaking, she did in fact die. God never said it would happen immediately.


Matstele

Yes He did. > KJV Genesis 2:17 But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for **in the day** that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. God tells Adam in every English translation of Gen. 2:17 that if they eat of the tree, they will die that very same day. Then, after they eat, instead of killing them, he invents a new punishment for them based on their gender, where Adam has to farm for a living and Eve gets horribly painful and dangerous childbirth. The serpent, whether you consider him to be Satan or not, was truthful when he said they’d learn to know right from wrong. Because they did. Turns out God just didn’t want his creation to know about morality.


Murmur322

Why’s there a goddamn poison fruit tree in paradise to begin with?


ciobanica

There wasn't, since they didn't die from poison.


lordhelmchench

But is it written, that she would not have died in paradies, too? (Ok, i am really rusty here…)


TotalSolipsist

God said it would happen on that same day. So yeah pretty much immediately.


Ar_phis

How exactly were Adam and Eve supposed to know that it would be evil to eat from the 'Tree of the Knowledge of good and evil' if you can only know about 'good and evil' after you ate from it? This book is contradicting its own moral in the very first story.


hexopuss

Ah yes, the bible. Known for its consistency. Like god in the new testament being omnipotent and never appearing to people. While the old testament god was almost more like a Greek or Roman god in that he had to fucking ask Adam and Eve questions, being clearly not omnipotent, and that he sometimes actually would show up to interact with mortals. Yes... The consistency of the bible is truly a sight to behold.


DarkCrawler_901

Also there are multiple indications of other deities/demigods/forces operating against God.


Kritical02

God is omnipotent, but apparently Satan is an even match for him.


SassTheFash

Satan gets *waaaay* less screen time than you'd think in the whole Bible, and he's portrayed pretty differently in the Old and New Testaments. Much of the coverage doesn't at all imply he's remotely a peer with God, but the late snippets that do tend to be influenced by religions like Manicheanism, which posited a good god and a bad god like ying-yang style. Then you get some of the Gnostics who believed the whole Old Testament is about a different and evil god who's basically running a Matrix to trap souls, so ~~Morpheus sends Neo~~ God sends Jesus to share the truth.


CaroCogitatus

"[Thou shalt have no other gods before me.](https://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com/ex/20.html#3)" It's the very first Commandment mentioned. Dude, if you're the only one, why do you even have to say this?


Deadring

Because back then, the idea that there was only one god wasn't created yet. Everyone had their own gods, tied to the land and culture they are part of, and so the christian one says "hey, I'm the one who takes care of this place, so you worship me and that's how you know when people are part of our tribe". The idea of the christian god being the only god is a relatively modern idea, and so the book itself wasn't written with that in mind. The book actually makes a lot of sense, if you keep in mind that it was written by many different people, in the distant past. It's when you start trying to make up reasons for how it could actually be literally true, that it gets iffy. This stuff is literal fairy tales, but they tell us a lot about the people that wrote them, and the time they came from.


explorer58

Zoroastrianism is a monotheistic religion that came before the Abrahamic religions, and very likely influenced them. It's somewhere between 4000 and 2700 years old, and honestly features a lot of the classic Christian mythos, like virgin birth, etc


Mr_Oatmeal

It's almost like the Bible was written over hundreds of years by people with various beliefs and then cobbled together to make some kind of weird narrative


Jozarin

God in the new testament is constantly appearing to people. That's like, the main thing about the main books of the new testament.


whippitywoo

They should have read the bible obviously


Jubaliya

I laughed really hard. Thank you.


Butthole_Please

Like when in Spaceballs they watched Spaceballs to know what to do next.


scullys_alien_baby

Mormons believe that eve eating the fruit was a necessity in gods plan. Adam and Eve had to fall from grace so we could be tested in a world with good and evil, if they never fell they’d never have grown There’s more stuff around Mormons and Adam and Eve getting kicked out of Eden but that’s the gist. It’s a wacky religion, but I find their hot takes interesting.


[deleted]

[удалено]


scullys_alien_baby

i never said they were good things, like women spending eternity as essentially broodmares, just that they're interesting you're also underselling the black people thing >Shall I tell you the law of God in regard to the African race? If the white man who belongs to the chosen seed mixes his blood with the seed of Cain, the penalty, under the law of God, is death on the spot. This will always be so. -Brigham Young


Jimbob15515

Got it. Don't bleed into a black dude's jizz. I will try my best.


TheSakred

Here's a comment I saved a few months ago from another thread: > God made man. > God made man in His image. > God knew man would sin before God made man because God knows everything. > God purposefully made flawed creatures and tasked them with being flawless. > God put a tree in Eden while simultaneously bidding humanity to find all the mysteries of the world... except that one. > God put a tree in Eden knowing his creations would eat it as that is how he created them. > God then punished his creations for doing what he created them to do while knowing full well they would do it. > So God created man with the express purpose to have them sin so he could blame them for his failed creation?


CaroCogitatus

>so he could blame them ...and have them tortured for eternity... Let's not forget *that* fun fact.


alwayzbored114

Yeah I've never really gotten a straight answer on this from theologists I know. And I'm genuinely not trying to be the stereotypical neckbeard arrogant atheist or whatever, I just like the logical puzzle/thought experiment: Can God see the future? If No, He's not Omnipotent nor Omniscient If Yes, then if He can see the future, the future must exist, and therefore Free Will is an illusion; all choice is simply dependent on predetermined factors and we lead to an inevitable end. And as an offshoot, no one is truly to blame for their actions since God knew everything that would happen from the moment He took any action (I assume God to be the only one capable of changing His own view of the future, since, ya know, Omnipotent) Even if there are multiple potential futures, if God can know them all, it still falls into the same logical hole, no?


Ar_phis

The first version of MS-Paint i used had only 1 'undo' , which is still more than an omnipotent God.


kindasfck

There's a reason critical thinking was punished by death for a thousand plus years.


sexy-man-doll

Was? The GOP would like a word


Asleep_Opposite6096

And why the original sin was wanting to be intelligent.


Knoberchanezer

Because God is a dick.


Zephandrypus

Because the rest of Genesis is well known for its stories about morals. Anyone else remember when Lot’s two daughters got him wasted then used him to get pregnant?


Gurpila

Because unquestioningly obeying God is their definition of "good". Much better than making one's own moral decisions.


Illidan-the-Assassin

It's not about being moral, it's about not questioning God. God doesn't have to explain why you shouldn't eat it. Just don't because he said so


Boris_Godunov

But if she doesn't know the difference between good and evil/right and wrong, she couldn't possibly know it was wrong to disobey god. It's not about her questioning god, it's about her not even having the mental capacity to know why doing something would be wrong. It's like you got a new puppy, shut him up in the kitchen while you had a rib roast cooling on the counter, and sternly told the puppy not to eat the rib roast while you're gone, and then you leave for an hour, and then come back and SHOCK AND HORROR the puppy has devoured the rib roast. And then taking the puppy back to the shelter for "disobeying" you. Well, what did you expect would happen?


Weibrot

Might makes right


ZehGentleman

The funny thing is Judaism would disagree. Early Judaism was all about fighting god. There were arguments about the whole Isaac matter as to whether Abraham attempted to fight god enough about it. The Christians just closed those debates and stagnated the religion


Arboria_Institute

I remember when Adam ate from the Ivermectin tree. The snake told him not to, but Adam said it was fake news, and called it a cuck. Then he became sterile so Eve had to bang her sons to continue the human race.


finthechatsforme

What?


MeatyGonzalles

Assuming you haven't actually read the bible. After Adam got sterile from the 'mectin he started a podcast with Moses, got into powerlifting and eventually died in a drag race for pinks when he rolled his Mazda. His last FB posts we're mostly about being in that Sigma Grindset. Kinda of a touching shrine. Eve tho. Her onlyfans blew up with 100% of Earth's population subscribing. Once those 6 people got bored with the reposts she had to start hawking essential oils to her friend and family members. Her page was overrun with spambots and ads for ED medication. I heard she eventually settled down with a nice guy outside of Scottsdale.


Arboria_Institute

Finally, a real biblical scholar here to explain things!


jml011

Yeah but that means everybody was subscribed to their own matriarch’s OF, which is little but gross


Mindweird

I get the impression that you deal a lot with these people in your regular life. This is like 40% of Americans summed up in 2 paragraphs.


demlet

Directed by the Coen brothers.


1mikeg

Do you have a publication I can subscribe to?


TheKingOfRhye777

The one thing I never understood about that whole story is, why'd God put the dang tree there in the first place?


jamesyboy4-20

something something testing mortals to resist temptation and evil something something


strongest_aspirin

>test mortal’s morals to resist temptation >they only get morals after they fail the test


O0O00O000O0000O

>creates man in his own image > man now can comprehend good and evil like god and angels and so has to leave Eden even though that’s where god and angels live. Wut Also snakes don’t eat dirt, Genesis. Was the serpent a sea cucumber?


CaroCogitatus

Yeah, well, apparently [bats are a type of bird](https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/lev/11.html#19), so ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯


lileevine

Wait, am I misunderstanding something or is a locust described as 1. A bird and 2. Having four feet? Also I'm confused, what's the difference between "divided hoof" and "cloven footed"?


Worried-Opinion1157

If it was a sea cucumber that would be fucking hilarious. Like how did it get in a tree? Why is it talking? Why did those mushrooms taste funny?


skippydinglechalk115

don't forget that god knows everything. he knew they'd fail.


Delicious_Orphan

The Bible's strongest evidence against it's validity: the Bible. It's almost like it was authored by a bunch of different people with different moralities or something...


Every_Job_1863

... and the evil was knowledge? what kind of message is that sending tf


jamesyboy4-20

that intelligence over blind faith is bad and questioning the will of some invisible man in the sky is bad. basically a cult.


Princess_Moon_Butt

Not just knowledge, _knowledge of good and evil_. So like... how were they supposed to know that disobeying god was bad, if they literally didn't know good from bad? Also god had to ask them "Hey, what's up with the leaves covering up your bits? Who taught you how to do that?" before he pieced together the fact that they'd eaten the fruit. _God had to ask them_, because he didn't realize it had happened.


sexy-man-doll

His omnipotence is retconned lol


SassTheFash

And the retconning just requires us to consider any question God asks as rhetorical, since he presumably knows the answer anyway.


Every_Job_1863

god likes looking lmao


ShadyNite

"Who told you that you were naked?" And that guy knows everything. Not even one full chapter in and it's already contradictory to itself


delawen

On my omnipotence and omniscience I am going to create a faulty being and then test them to see how they fail.


UbePhaeri

Even though I already know how they will fail but I won’t stop them. I want to watch them suffer.


i8bb8

I, too, have played The Sims.


gustav_mannerheim

As a programmer, when the unit tests for my prototype fail, I immediately exile them to the land of "production".


Esoteric_Geek

Underrated comment. 👍


ReactsWithWords

Or, to put it in theological terms, God is an asshole who loves to play abusive mind games.


One_Wheel_Drive

Like when he asked Abraham to kill his son as a test of faith.


Ranku_Abadeer

Hell, the entire sacrifice of Jesus is a textbook example of "look at what you are making me do. I'm trying so hard to make it so you don't have to suffer because I don't like the way you're acting." as he sacrifices himself to himself to save humanity from the punishment he would enact on them for the sins that he decided are sins.


Hottriplr

Testing what? Isn't he supposed to be omniscient? What sort of omniscience requires a QA department?


blackraven36

The biggest achievement of right wing ideology is selling ignorance as intellectual enlightenment


jamesyboy4-20

it’s all doublethink. conservatism and fascism are by definition anti-intellectual due to their regressive nature. but due to a rather impressive propaganda and posturing effort by pundits they have their audience convinced they are on the side of good, intelligent, sane, etc. they do this by creating strawmen and distorting public perception of progressive thought.


Iron_Nightingale

> ‘Your God person puts an apple tree in the middle of a garden and says, do what you like, guys, oh, but don't eat the apple. Surprise surprise, they eat it and he leaps out from behind a bush shouting "Gotcha". It wouldn't have made any difference if they hadn't eaten it.' > 'Why not?' > 'Because if you're dealing with somebody who has the sort of mentality which likes leaving hats on the pavement with bricks under them you know perfectly well they won't give up. They'll get you in the end. —Douglas Adams, *The Restaurant at the End of the Universe*


DimBulb567

r/unexpectedhitchhikers (or r/unexpectedhitchhiker, why are there two subreddits for this)


Leathra

Child: "I'm thirsty." Parent: "Okay, here are nine glasses filled with different kinds of fruit juice. And here's one filled with antifreeze; don't drink that one."


BrewCityBenjamin

Because the Bible version of God is a insecure, authoritative asshole. I went to Catholic school for 8 years and it just taught me what a dick their version of God is an ill never understood why he's worshipped. If anything you can look at Lucifer as someone who stands up to authoritarianism


Prof_Winterbane

Genesis is actually really interesting for this reason. One of my favourite theories is [this one](https://youtu.be/fb7AfWKS1OE), where Big Joel makes the point that maybe this proves god isn’t moral in the way he would want himself to be.


bbwolff

Gods plan and mysterious ways?


Chaz_Cheeto

That’s almost as big as a question as where the people in the land of “Nod” came from. Genesis 4:17 presents a lot of questions.


C19shadow

And for a being that's supposed to be all knowing and seeing etc. He sure fails to predict things many times or makes mistakes... doesn't sound like a perfect being to me. Like if he was all knowing wouldn't he know while greating lucifer that he was gonna rise up against him some day. He created this being just to bitch slap it down later how Narcissistic and cruel can you be.


Piorn

Imagine you're creating life and want it to have free will. Now, you can't just order it to have free will, because then they'd just be following orders. Instead, you put free will out on the table, and tell everyone not to eat it. Then you just wait. Eventually, your subjects will trigger it, and you'll know they're ready to be let out into the world.


Modern-Otaku

Well she didn’t die, so technically it’s true!


[deleted]

> she didn’t die ever?


MelanieAntiqua

I mean, the bible never mentions Eve's death at any point (it takes the time to mention that Adam lived to some comically old age before dying, but never mentions Eve dying at all), so *maybe*. Admittedly, this is probably because this fictional fairy tale was made up by ancient people who hated women and thus didn't even bother with what happened to Eve after she served her role in the story of "dooming humanity", but it is still technically true that Eve's death is never mentioned.


[deleted]

then I chose to believe she walks among us still


1mikeg

Sus. I'm so sorry.


TheCoolJam77

When the fall of man is sus!!!


Tetsudo11

Fall of man? Sounds like Fall Guys.


indiscreetraven

Boomer memes at its finest. “But what is a meme if not to poison it with my backwards political ideology?”


Johnchuk

Sometimes they're way too honest with their psychology. Its like back when they ran around calling everybody "cucks." People as a group depending on science to solve a problem scares them because it means they're not depending on Jeeezus. Remember the reason why they pretend to believe in creationism, flat earth, moon landing conspiracy theories, and anti vax is because they feel like society doesnt respect Christianity enough. That it doesn't respect THEM enough. It doesnt help that theres an entire right wing media industry convincing people that they're being persecuted, and that people who arent christian or white are out of control.


DrInsaano

Christian conservatives keep forgetting several things - first, is that Adam and Eve did not die upon eating the apple, they saw the Garden of Eden for what it was, they saw they are nude and they aren’t truly free. Second is that if they thought for a moment they would have known that if God is omnipotent and omniscient, and knows the past, present and future, having it all panned out, he knew people are going to betray him and he let it happen, possibly intentionally. But that would contradict everything they know about their religion - hence it’s better to just make a stupid meme because their critical thinking abilities are worse than those of jellyfish.


1mikeg

The only thing Adam and Eve did wrong was failing to grab a snack to go from the Tree of Eternal Life.


[deleted]

I don't get the over arching message but ngl it's a funny absurdist shitpost.


thehooded

Probably saying that fact-checkers are biased or something like that.


Stickz99

Nah it’s saying fact-checking is just spreading Satan’s lies, and that people who blindly follow God (the Bible) are the actually correct and good people. That is assuming this was created from the perspective of someone who doesn’t bother to examine the Adam and Eve story on any deeper level in order to realize the serpent was right and didn’t lie the entire time when God did


Bloody_Insane

The snake is the devil and a liar, so he's trying to deceive her. This post made me realize I may be a satanist as I instinctively picked the snake's side


verdatum

The snake is only the devil if you choose to interpret a single ambiguous verse from Revelations. Otherwise, he's never identified as anything other than a snake/serpent.


1mikeg

The snake isn't lying. God lied. God told Adam and Eve to not eat from the tree because they would die. The truth is that eating the fruit would give them the knowledge of good and evil, which is exactly what the serpent told Eve would happen if she ate the fruit. God then punished "the serpent" by turning it into a snake for exposing his deception. "The Serpent" wasn't even the devil. It was just a creature in the garden.


malcifer11

this is actually a pretty poignant metaphor, but not for the reason they think


the_other_Scaevitas

Well technically she didn’t die from eating the apple.


Esoteric_Geek

One of the first things that gOdD told them and it was a lie.


Hottriplr

I ever really got how God was supposed to be the good guy in the Garden of Eden story. Do Christians root for the people trying to stop Patrick Swayze from dancing in Dirty Dancing?


Ranku_Abadeer

Not only that, Adam and Eve had no concept of right and wrong, and they were told to not eat from a tree that was placed in front of them. They literally didn't understand the concept of disobedience yet were punished for disobeying by eating a fruit that taught them what disobedience was. That's like telling a 1 year old to not touch a toy that is sitting in the center of the room, where they can easily reach it. If the child grabs the toy anyway and sticks it in their mouth, you don't get mad at the child, you get mad at the parent who left it where they knew the child could get to it.


RedditSkippy

OMG, what?


Environmental_Fan168

Anti intellectualism from the right. How shocking.


eddyj0314

Wow, so many layers of wrong. It was the Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, so of course the right wouldn't want it. Eating it didn't cause death, it granted our consciousness; knowledge of right of wrong, of our nakedness, and of our mortality. They weren't kicked out of Eden, they realized they were never in it.


Cinaedus_Perversus

This entire 'everyone can claim anything is a lie/the truth' schtick is not only false in practice, it's also applicable to the Bible itself.


Gossguy

Prohibiting people from eating fruits is something a tyrannical government would do. Adam and Eve should have started a "every tree means every tree" or a "all trees matter" protest


HavocNightrage

I don't know how people can see biblical snake as anything other then the good guy, he freed them from mental slavery to god, how is that bad ?


bbwolff

Free will!


srimp909

This feels like a shitpost


BonzaM8

I mean, wasn’t the snake correct? God did lie to them lmao.


nicktargaryen12

Well I mean…not wrong


Willzohh

Imagine so-called adults literally believing bizarre children's fantasy fairy tales!


Lib_Gandu2310

Holy shit this a good one


RustyStinkfist

What's hilarious is the snake really is 100% correct. Oh the irony.


Rarbnif

Bible lore really has a fucking talking snake and expects you to take it seriously


Ghosttalker96

Also according to Bible lore, the snake is correct.


iwantrootbark

"oh serpent, bringer of light, guiding us through the darkness Let your brilliance shine upon thee, from the depths below"


[deleted]

Independent fact checkers = Satan This is exactly why we shouldn't make laws based on religious beliefs.


Grimvahl

The unintentional irony being that neither Adam nor Eve died. God was fulla shit


Fresh_Wrongdoer_8438

It’s not wrong, she didn’t die.


bka1974

Eve was trippin balls


BlackGuysYeah

Who was the tempter? The snake or the one who put the tree in the garden?


fvcknvgget5

it’s giving pandora’s box


Ranku_Abadeer

Huh. I never thought about the comparison (which seems obvious now that you mention it) but that really works. And it really shows the difference in the attitude of the two religions, since the story of pandora's box leads you to believe that the gods *wanted* her to open the box and unleash the contents on the world, yet Christians believe eating the apple was something somehow outside of what God wanted and Adam and Eve were in the wrong for eating it (even though the apple gave them the knowledge of good and evil, so they literally didn't know what they were doing was "wrong" and were created to believe anything they were told.)


Pandoras_Unboxing

Ooh, thanks! Now just grab a blank vase and paint me while I open it up, and then we'll upload it to ΣύTube. Though I'll probably just end up with another copyright strike from Hesiod.


ianyboo

Wanna really bake your noodle? God knows the future, and he knows how to create universes, which means that he knew the universe where he puts the snake in the garden would fall apart, and he knew that an identical universe but without the snake would not fall apart... and God was literally the only thing that existed when the decision was made on which universe to create... No heaven, no hell, no universe, no angels, no demons, no humans, no nothing. Just God. Alone. Making the decision to create any of a countless infinite number of potential universes... and this is the one he picked. All alone. See the problem? Christians don't :)


OhTheHueManatee

Well if God did say it would kill her he was incorrect so an independent fact check concluding that would be accurate. Now if God said "Don't eat that cause you'll gain knowledge I don't want to you have" that'd would be more accurate and an independent fact check would conclude that.


tobvet

The right sure hate facts